bull

10:05 PM

There's no thing such as love at first sight. I guaranteed it as a bunch of bull. Love can never be easy as a guy and a girl met each other, then fell in love to each other, then they lived happily ever after. Love needs progress. Love takes times. Just like instant noodles. It may tasted sooo good when it comes to your mouth, but in the end it would ruin your digestive system and made your defecation went hard as fuck. Anything instant will never be good, so are love. Love takes time for both of them understanding each other, knowing what each other likes and don't. It takes time to appreciate each other's choices, each other's opinions, each other's visions, , and it takes time to accept each other's bad.


I conclude that love at first sight means they love you accidentally when they see the bright side of you. They just got spelled by your charms, your goodness, that made them want you so bad, even if they didn't even know you yet.

We may trust them loving us at first while actually they're not. Why? Because they haven't tasted our darkest side yet. They may can't survive with our dark sides, not like our friends. That's why i suggest; choose your (best) friends to be involved in your heart. Because they're the one who stay, eventho they know your weakness. Don't rush with somebody new. Take it slow. Love needs progress. Love takes time. If in the middle they can't stand it, let them go. Because for me (finally lessons learned), love is loving somebody's bad. 

9:41 PM

Women was created from the ribs of a man

Not from his head to be above him
Nor from his feet to be walk upon him
But from his side to be equal
Near to his arm to be protected
and close to his heart to be loved

11:09 AM

Recently i've been thinking that.. almost 17 years i exist here in the world, but it just felt so weird that i never feel so 'alive'. I don't know wether so far there's no meaningful event happened to me or it's just me who died by my monotone life.


so today

oh, how we could fall in love so fast

10:30 PM

In a crowded, busy, and unsleep city there lived a young girl who almost had her first semester on high school finished. All she thought was only about her studies, her scores, her homeworks, no love. Listening to the other's love stories were enough for her . She thought she had no time for love, or to involve in love. But actually it wasn't the only reason. She once had a terrible love story and kinda afraid to have another one. That's why she was scared to involve in love. But deep inside she was hoping that someone would really love her eventually.


On Friday, November 21st, there was a guy that got transferred into her class. F was his name. He got transferred from B to K. The girl was a lil bit excited to met him, because she didn't knew him at all. But some of her friends did. She had so many thoughts about this guy. The first thing passed on her mind was F is a bad boy, because he socialize with those such boys. The second thing was she was wondering why did he decide to move into social class. And the third was she realized that he wore the tosca Jansport that she almost buy--and thank God she didn't buy it, because she didn't like if there's someone wearing the same stuff just like hers.

On Sunday (a couple days later), November 23rd the girl wasn't thinking of anything else beside F was just only ask her about the problem solving of math quiz that their teacher gave. F firstly chatted her--asking her nickname, and then ask her about the math problems. The unsensitive girl was replying all his chat without any weird thoughts. She even asked about some problems that she can't solve to this new guy.. and she thought he was good at math. 

On the next day he was absent. The girl finally found out that F had so many absent on his presences. She didn't know why she was a lil bit upset because of his absence. But F was exist on Tuesday. Tuesday was the deadline to submit their math quizes. That morning, F for the first time walked exactly to the girl's desk. He said he wanted to borrow her math portfolios.. just to make sure that they have the same answers. The girl was a bit mad when the class started to noisy, mocking them for being so close. They thought F was modus. The girl kinda hate it in the beginning, she thoughts if they were being mocked, they would get awkward. The girl even more upset when she found out F was off the class on math! Bad boy, she thought. 

F started to chat her intensively on the evening, after school. Firstly he asked the girl with whom she was going back home, and then he offered to ride her home. But the girl rejected. She thought F was still a stranger. and she would not ever accept stranger's offer.

They kept on chat since that time. The girl was again getting upset found out that on the next day F absent. She guessed he was playing GTA V on his home, because last night F mentioned that he was staying up late finishing his game. The girl found comfort of chatting with F. Who knew that they actually had a lot of common. They both loved edm so much, they had the same favorite song, and what most important was they both loved nasi padang so much. LOL.

Thursday, November 27th was a tragedy. Since he was a new student on social class, teachers didn't know him, that's why on English class F was ordered to introduce himself in front of the class. He told the class his full name, his hobbies, his reasons why did he got transferred into social class, his ideals, and everything was fine until it came into ask and question segment. The students were trying to bully him and the girl out. That's why one of them asked F about the girl. The question was 'what do you think about the girl?'. The girl was mad (for being bullied) at the beginning, but curious enough to know what would he say about her. But what F said was melted her down.

"well, i think she's beautiful, she's smart, and she can help me to solve problems in social class"

and the class just spontanously becoming so noisy.

"cie cieeeeee"
"ehm"
"asik"

The girl was sick of it, but she can't lie that she was delighted to hear him saying those words. She can feel that her face turned red just like a boiling crab. Shoot! But it wasn't just that. The teacher asked the girl and her friend to do the demonstration of ask and question sentence in front of the class. The girl felt she was going to be bullied again. And once again it was true. T, her friend, was interrogating her with so many questions about the girl's love life. About her boy type, about her ex, and she made her telling everyone in the class about what happened between her and her ex.

"i was just scared to fall in love anymore. because both of my ex were so cruel to me. my first ex, we made it until a year and a half, until i secretly found him liking the other girl. the second one was the same. we did it nicely but once again i found him talking about how he miss his ex behind me. i'm just afraid of being cheated again, i don't want to feel the pain for the third time."

At that point everyone in the class-especially girls were screaming out awfully hearing the girl's story. T asked again,

"but if someone loves you, do you gonna accept him?"

And the girl didn't know why does she spontanously look after F.. and boom!, their eyes met. So busted, the girl thought. She then answered the question calmly,

"maybe. If only i like him. Beside, i realize that i have to move on, sooner or later"

And that was the first say that F and the girl had their first real convo. It was when the girl went back to the class from the toilet and accidentally met him on the way. F was saying hi, and the girl replied him with 'what?' awkwardly. Her cheek blushed, her heart was beating uncontrolled, and she had butterflied on her tummy. Please don't fall in love, she kept saying that sentence on their mind, so many times. She can't wait to tell about that day's tragedy to Ad, her mate. And on that noon after school she told Ad anything about what happened between her and F these days. While she kept chatting with Ad, F wasn't stop texting her about how he wanted to give her a ride to home. The girl freaked out, thinking F was such a psycho for being a lil bit annoying and aggressive. She was like, 'hey, we just knew each other for only 4 days!' 

On that night F called the girl. It went so fun that they didn't realize they had been on the phone for an hour and a half. F told her that he felt comfort to talk with her. They talked for hours, and suddenly love just grew from both of them. It was the first time for her to be on the phone for that long with a guy. Her cheek turned red again when F mentioned the English class tragedy that morning,

"Actually, there was one more sentence left when i described you"

"What?"

"i forgot to say 'she's my type' "

"..."

On the next day, Friday, November 28th, the girl found a rose beyond her desk. The girl was an unsensitive person, that she couldn't guess out who's the sender. She even asked if her friends buy it to her. Eventually she asked to F if he was the one who gave her that white rose on her desk. F was saying yes, and she couldn't think anymore why does he apologize for can only buy her one rose. The girl thought it was very sweet. 

That day was the time when the girl had her first day period. PMS just felt so hurt. Seeing her was hurt, F rushed away to buy her Kiranti. It actually prohibited for students to go out of school, but for her, F was nyogok (sorry i can't think of this word translation) the security just to go to Alfamart in front of the school.. and buy her a medicine. The girl couldn't think of anything else but thanked him so much for being so caring.

After giving her the medicine, F the bad boy was asking permission to the girl if he could get out of the class.

"May i go out?"

"NO, you may not. You can't be absent, F. There's a task and we have to do it, or we'll not get any score."

"OK. I will not go out of the class, BUT if only you want to sit beside me."

That was it. The girl accepted his condition, sat beside him while working on their history tasks.. and talked for hours.

That friday noon after school, the girl found out F was so kind for giving her a ride to the swimming pool. When they got back from the swimming pool, they got stuck because of rain, and F's motorbike didn't want to turn on. Rain was getting bigger, and they decided to save themselves until the rain stopped. They were having a long convo on UPI building, waiting for the rain stop. When they talk, they talk about everything. Even the silence didn't feel awkward at all. About 15 minutes later, the rain stopped and F rode her into the mall (to get her picked up by her sister there). But the girl's sister was stuck by the traffic jam. F asked her to watch a movie while waiting the girl's sister coming. The girl thought it was a good idea and said yes. So they had their first unofficial date by watching Dumb and Dumber To. The film was so funny and entertaining, but the girl didn't amused at all.. because her heart won't stop pounding uncontrolled because she caught F one or two times staring at her. They met the girl's sister after movie, and the girl was so entertained to see how F blushed when she introduced him to her sister. 

On saturday night, they were on the phone for almost 3 hours until F fell into sleep with the phone was still on the line. They talked small things.. such as

'do you remember the candies that they used to put it in front of the cashier? what is it, Chupa Chupa?'

'no, F. It was Chupa Chups. And that cola flavor tastes so good'

The girl just didn't realize that she just fell in love with F. She love it when they were on the phone and run out of topics, and how F just broke up the silence by singing his favorite edm song, Animals by Marin Garrix, or Rude by Magic, and it just ended by them singing together on the phone.

The night before Monday was the time when F ask the girl to come up early on school. The girl said yes. And on the next day, December 1st, the girl got another surprise by F.

The girl was sitting in front of the class, while F stood up in front of her, hiding his hands on his back.

"I have something for you."
"What is it?"
"This," said him, giving her a cola Chupa Chups.
"Thanks."
"And this," his another hand held another cola Chupa Chups.
"No, you keep it."
"And this."
"..."
"And this."
"..."
"And this."
Yes, it was 5 lollipops he gave to her. Maybe he wanted to make the girl gone out diabetics! He then left her by walked in the class. But he returned in seconds.

"This is for you," said F, with 3 roses on his hands. They were white, pink, and red roses.

Seeing the girl blushed, he laughed.
"I was success to make you blushed again. Yeah!"

She didn't know that F remember all small things that she said--when she said cola flavor was her favorite. F was already knew her too well. He said he knew every small habits of her, such as how the girl trying to hide her blushed cheek by not seeing him in the eye. Every little things.

They had the second date on November 3rd by watching Mockingjay. The girl couldn't concentrate on the movie and didn't even understand it at all. Her mind was distracted, because it was the first time that her hands were held by a guy.. by F's hands. F kept holding and kissing her hands from the beginning of the movie until it finished. The girl's heart was beating so fast and she had her sweat overproduced. F won't let her hands off him for hours.

The girl were so in love with F. Every little things about F. She loved how F called her so many times and texted her a bunch of messages, just to make sure if she's okay--in fact she just fell asleep. How F got jealous when he found the girl's photos with her ex. How F never failed made her blushed. How F knew her too well. A couple days later F asked her to get up early in the morning and go to school earlier. The girl once again accepted his order. When she walked through the corridor, she found that school was so empty except her and F. She knew F was already in the class because she could see his hair through the window. She slowly opened the door class and... what she found was surprised her. In front of him were F holding a bucket of flowers and a toblerone--her favorite, greeting her. 

'...Cha, would you be mine?'

and how stupid the girl can even ask him,

'are you asking me to be your girlfriend?'

'YES'

That was the hardest time for her. She was so happy, but afraid on the same time. They just met and knew each other for only a week! She realized that it was too fast for her to be in relationship again, and too fast to trust. But she had faith on him. Like, she never had been being loved in that way, like just F did to her.

'...okay'

and that was it. F couldn't hide his smile and so did the girl. Days passed by and the girl even loved him so much more. She loved how F always hold his hand so hard when they walk together.. like he doesn't want to lose her. How F introduce the girl to his friends like, 'Meet her, Ocha. She's my girlfriend' with smile on his face, with his hands holding her hands. And she loved how F made her being so loved. By the way F messing up her hair, the way F kisses her head unexpectedly, and how F always say that he loves her so much and doesn't want to lose her so much, with his serious face and his eyes staring deeply right into her.

He was the one that the girl had been searching for. He was the one who very understand her and make her comfort. And what really matter was F really loved her, and showing it. The girl really understood that saying 'i love you' was easy to do, but doing it was another. There was one time the girl asked F,

'i still can't event understand how it would be so quick for us to be so close'

and what F saying after that would be always remembered;

'...you know, when i saw you for the first time, i thought you were very arrogant and rude. i asked you to my friends and they said 'go get that girl, she's perfect'. remember when i chat you on the line about math quiz that i can't solve? i honestly understand math, it was just a trick so that i have a topic to talk to you. and i remembered on the couple days later, in the morning, i borrowed your math portfolio. it was once again a trick. how couldn't you even realize it? i remember when i ask your permission to borrow your portfolio, that time you weren't saying anything but stare and smile to me, indicating a yes. from that time, after seeing that smile, i started to adore you. your smile stays on my mind. i love your smile. it's unique, you know. that smile won't go off my mind. and when we started to have a lot of convo, i adored you more.. i love you. you were so far from what i was thinking at the beginning, you're funny, you're miss-able, you're fun, you make me comfort, that's why i love you even so much more. i love you. i never had a crush so big like this before. i want to promise something.'

'what is it?'

'i won't let anybody hurt you anymore, just like your ex did. i won't let anybody do it. and i need you to believe me. i love you. so much. will you believe me?'

'...yes. i believe you. and i love you too'





Change

7:35 PM

I appreciate people who changed. Like.. i don't give a damn about Miley Cyrus' changes like they-who-thought-that-she-got-into-negative.


According to me, change is one of the scariest thing of people's life. When someone's changing, they usually get the others' reactions. Most of people are afraid of change, bcs they expect bad response of the others.

And i think, people who change are the bravest. I mean, they know that maybe the others will react something bad about them, but they just keep moving. They didn't stop. It means they put themselves on priority, not what the others think. I believe people who change is people who love themselves more than what people love about them.

And i think, change is the only thing that makes us alive. Life's full of uncertainty things and it will never be on the same speed. It has unstabil tempo.

And i believed that there's always a reason behind change. So.. let's never say 'something on him/her has changed' behind them anymore. Ask them what makes them being different, there you'll understand. In that way you can imagine what is it like to be in their position, and being is believing. Then in the final you'll appreciate it, and.. you'll start to not giving any damn about it, because you'll be busy concerning of yourself, not the others.


For the one who was saying that i had change behind my back.