I just realized that i used to post 52 week blog challenge, which has been abandoned since long time ago. My blog, my rules. And technically i've never made any rules, so whatever.

/// TIME MACHINE ///

Either i might be dead already or I'll be 28, which will be less than 3 months away from my 29th birthday. I might be healthy or ill. I might have a husband already or still trying to find the right one, being a hopeless romantic. I might be having children already, or pregnant, or still hate toddlers. If i already married and have babies, then the babies' name might be something among Aero, Aldebaran, Altair, Alathfar, Abraham, or it happened to be the name i've never think of when i was 18.

I might be running my own business or being a psychologist, or might be none of them, something that i've never think of when i was 18. I might still love to take pictures or gave up on them already. I might still listening to majestic casual or my music sense have changed 180 degree. I might still love Brendon Urie or probably dislike the old himself already.

I might be living somewhere far away from Bandung, something that i always wanted to do when i was 18, or might be glued forever here. I might be seeing my school friends or i might be turn out hating them. I might still be a cynical person or successfully drove my perspective about life optimistically.

On 28, i might be already traveled myself to Japan, living my teenage dream or still trying to save money to go there, being a corporate slave. I might be still using blogspot or finally brave enough to move to another hosting because it still sucks. I might still order earl grey or chai tea latte to starbucks or americano might will be my usual drink.

Ten years from now... i might be famous for something or i might be a loser. I might be loving the way i am and the way i live, or i might be trapped. I might discover my true calling or i might be wandering to find it. I might be still searching for something that missing in my life, or i might already found it, and be complete.

Ten years from now. Everything will change. At least i hope so.

Ada sesuatu yang lucu pada kepribadian saya. Idk if this related to the INTJ thingy, tapi saya merasa menjalani hidup dengan penuh kontradiksi. Kadangkala keinginan dan basic personality saya jalan berseberangan. Saya nggak suka spotlight, but don't want to be ordinary. Saya suka banget sendirian, tapi nggak ingin kesepian. That's why kalo dipikir-pikir saya sering nangkring di coffee shop yang agak ramai oleh orang-orang asing. Saya nggak peduli apa yang orang-orang pikirkan tentang saya, tapi berusaha untuk prove them wrong. Saya nggak suka jadi orang yang dateng pertama, tapi in the end always being early. Saya listener di antara orang banyak, tapi vocal di antara inner circle saya. I'm a confident yet i could be extremely shy. Basically a conservative, yet i want to be a liberalist. I'm strongly opinionated yet i could be very private. I don't really fit in everywhere, yet i can sort of fit in just about everywhere.

Halo semuanya!
Tau nggak... march turned out hid something good! :')

dan ini saking excitednya bingung mo nulis darimana loh...

Oke, Cha, take a deep breath.

Semua ini berawal dari waktu aku lagi di Tako Lada bareng Rasyid, buat makan sekaligus... ehm, numpang wi-fian (hehe!). Kita nangkring di sana berjam-jam sambil laptopan, mulai dari mantengin youtube nontonin video-video lucu sampe pada akhirnya berakhir di website Cerita Kita. Naaah kebetulan nih, udah beberapa bulan ini aku emang doyan mantengin websitenya majalah Gogirl! sama Cerita Kita. Simply karena isinya emang berguna banget mulai dari beauty tips sampe relationship, plus banyak artikel-artikel yang appeared di majalah edisi lama trus dipost lagi.. hehe! Pas buka websitenya Cerita Kita itu lah aku ngeliat banner Cerita Kita Casting Call batch 3. Yap, ini udah yang ketiga kalinya Gogirl x Clean & Clear ngadain casting call Cerita Kita buat ngundang cewek-cewek jadi kontributor di websitenya. Sempet tertarik sih buat ikutan batch 1 sama ke-2nya, cuma event itu dua kali berturut-turut diadain di Jakarta.. eh begitu ada tulisan 'Jakarta, Bandung & Surabaya', i was like... I NEED TO JOIN THIS.

 Aku nggak langsung register buat ikutan seleksinya. Udah pesimis duluan abisnya. Udah tau nggak mungkin bakal menang, secara pasti banyak banget jaman sekarang yang fotonya bagus-bagus. Setelah didorong beberapa kali sama Rasyid, akhirnya aku register tanpa ada ekspektasi apapun. Pas register waktu itu kita disuruh milih salah satu pilihan passion yang bakal kita ikutin workshopnya. Ada fashion stylist, beauty enthusiast, writing, sama instagram specialist. Di situ kelabilan kegalauan aku muncul. Writing atau instagram specialist ya? I was expecting photography, tapi ternyata nggak ada. Di situ aku sama Rasyid sempet debat lamaaa banget soal nentuin passion apa yang bakal aku pilih pas registrasi. Masalahnya, selagi registrasi itu kita harus turut nge-attach file yang berhubungan sama passion yang kita pilih. Jadi kalo kita milihnya writing, kita harus attach tulisan kita juga.

"Udah Cha, writing aja, kan maneh suka nulis di blog dan tulisan maneh bagus."
"Tapi blog aku isinya ga penting semua Syid. Masa mo nge-attach tulisan yang isinya ngeluh semua?"
"Ya udah instagram specialist."
"Tapi..."
"Udahlah writing aja."
"Ih tapi kan..."

kek gitu aja molo sampe lumutan.

Then i have another think coming. Kalo dipikir-pikir selama ini aku kalo nulis sesuatu pasti ada 'pause moment'-nya. Entah karena keabisan topik, bosen di tengah-tengah, ato kebanyakan mikir. Sementara kalo foto, aku cenderung spontanous dan nggak bisa berhenti buat ngejepret. Buat satu objek yang aku anggep menarik aja bisa sampe belasan kali motonya sampe dapet cahaya ato angle yang pas. Lagian aku nggak punya tulisan yang menurut aku cukup bagus buat di-attach pas registrasi, sementara foto ada lumayan banyak. Yaudah.. jadi.. ya gitu.. akhirnya aku milih instagram specialist.

Beberapa minggu kemudian aku liat Kak Nina Moran ngasih tau di instagram kalo nama 100 finalis Bandung udah keluar di website. Sumpah degdegan banget ngecek nama aku ada di list ato engga. Lumayan lama aku ngescroll list nama, udah sampe 50-an tapi nama aku belom ada juga. Ya udah lah pasrah... :')

Dan ternyata nama aku ada di urutan ke-81 dong. Seneng? Banget! Lebih ke lega juga sih lebih tepatnya. Dan ternyata disitu aku baru tau kalo Devita, Yedida, Icus sama Chiesa lolos ke 100 besar juga. Aku langsung buru-buru ngechat Devita sama Yedida, nanyain nanti sabtu (acara casting call-nya) mereka dateng ke Beehive ato engga. Devita sama Yedida ternyata nggak bisa. Aku mau ngeline Chiesa juga ternyata nggak punya contactnya (HAHA bodoh). Akhirnya di sana bareng Icus.

Aku dapet telfon dari Kak Michaela buat konfirmasi kehadiran sabtu nanti di Beehive. Asik! Hahaha kebetulan aku belom pernah ke Beehive (norak!) dan ide kesana bareng temen selama ini cuma H2C alias hayu hayu cicing doang. Aku juga langsung cari tau kegiatan casting call batch sebelumnya tuh ngapain aja. Rundown acaranya makin jelas begitu dapet detailnya via e-mail dari Kak Michaela.

 Hari Sabtu, 19 Maret kemaren akhirnya aku cus ke Beehive Cafe & Eatery dianterin Mama sama Papa, sekaligus mereka berdua mau ke undangan. Rencana sih berangkat jam 10 pas buat ngehindarin macetnya Bandung pas weekend, tapi ternyata ngaret gara-gara nyonya besar kelimpungan cari baju kondangan yang udah pada gak muat.. haha. Akhirnya kita berangkat jam setengah 11. Papa super ngebut dan nyelip sana-sini nyetir mobil. Nggak enak kalo ngaret, abisnya Kak Michaela bilang kalo bisa kita dateng sebelum jam setengah 12, tapi ini jam 11.15 aja baru nyampe di Pasteur.

Aku nyampe Beehive jam 12.40. Begitu masuk, kita harus nukerin produk Clean & Clear yang kita punya buat alat registrasi, dapet nametag, trus dituntun buat foto di photobooth. Disitu aku mikir mati gaya banget foto sendiri... eh ternyata dapet temen buat foto hehe hamdalah.

Bareng Kak Rizka di photobooth!

Aku kenalan sama Kak Rizka disitu dan akhirnya kita duduk bareng. Kak Rizka mungil banget, aku sempet ngira dia sepantaran sama aku padahal ternyata udah kuliah di FTSL ITB! Haha sotilnya muncul kan... Para finalis diminta buat makan siang dulu. The food was great. And anyway, ambience Beehive ini enak banget! Good food, good ambience meet our passion? Definetely couldn't ask for better! Gogirl! x Clean & Clear menurut aku pengertian banget sih, nyusun part makan siang sebelum coaching session & workshopnya dimulai. Abisnya ternyata kegiatan selanjutnya ini bikin capek banget.



Beres makan, coaching session dimulai. Sesi pertama dibuka sama Kak Nina Moran. Kak Nina ngejelasin gimana cara nulis yang bener dan trik-trik nulis yang bagus tuh kayak gimana. Nulis emang bukan hal yang gampang. Buat bikin tulisan, kita harus bener-bener fact-finding dulu. Nggak boleh asal nulis. Kita juga harus tau target market tulisan kita tuh siapa, supaya gaya tulisan kita bisa menyesuaikan.

Sesi kedua dilanjut sama Kak Githa Moran, fashion stylist Gogirl!. Waktu itu aku pernah baca buku No One to Someone, dan ternyata Kak Githa tuh udah megang rubrik fashionnya Gogirl! dari awal banget, waktu usianya masih 17! Kak Githa juga fashionable banget dari dandanannya. Di coaching sessionnya, Kak Githa ngejelasin tentang perbedaan antara fashion dan style, dan tentang gimana cara kita tau style kita itu sebenarnya kayak gimana.

Selesai Kak Githa nyampein materi, Kak Agnes Oryza ngelanjutin coaching sessionnya. Kak Agnes Oryza cantik banget, mulus banget kulitnya, lucu banget huhuhu sumpah dan rambut kriwilnya ituloh parah lucu banget!!! Kak Agnes ngenalin kita produk-produk make-up yang cocok buat remaja dan ngasih tips and trick make-up. Sayang fotonya ngga jelas gegara ketutup kepala-kepala orang.. haha.

Coaching session terakhir disampein sama Kak Pramudina, influencer instagram dari Bandung. Sebelumnya aku emang udah nge-follow Kak Dina (@prafr) dan instagram keduanya yang keren parah (@caelestiale). Kalo aku liat, feedsnya Kak Dina emang rapih banget, hampir semua post-nya tonenya seragam, trus dominan warna putih. Artsy banget pokoknya. Di coaching sessionnya Kak Dina ngejelasin gimana cara dapetin foto yang bagus, how to gain & maintain your followers dan lain-lain. Kak Dina cantik dan mungil bangeeet hehe.

Selesai coaching session, para finalis dibagi-bagi perdivisi passionnya buat nyelesain tugas yang dikasih. Aku yang ikut workshop instagram specialist bareng para finalis lainnya dikasih tugas buat capture produk Clean & Clear dengan manfaatin properti yang udah disediain dalam waktu 20 menit, untuk kemudian diupload ke instagram & bakal dinilai sama mentor kita (Kak Dina). I must say... waktu 20 menit itu bener-bener full of pressure banget. Para finalis langsung rebutan properti mulai dari kalung-kalungan, produk Clean & Clear, buah-buahan kayak apel, lemon, blueberry, figura Gogirl! sampe backdrop putih buat foto ala-ala still-life gitu. Sumpah, r e b u t a n. Dikit-dikit 'eh pinjem ini dong' ato 'boleh pinjem itu gak?'. Bahkan aku merhatiin ada beberapa finalis yang pelit susah diajak gantian properti... hahaha. Aku nggak tertarik buat gondok rebutan properti sama yang laen, jadi aku manfaatin properti yang aku punya di depan mata. Aku juga nggak sempet buat nyobain foto di backdrop putih yang udah disediain. Malah bisa dibilang aku cuma dapet properti dikit banget. Blueberrynya aja cuma dapet seuprit lol tapi gapapalah. Quality over quantity kan yang penting? (buset pede bener yaa ni anak satu). Aku juga sempet nggak pede karena ada beberapa dari mereka yang motretnya pake kamera, sementara aku cuma ngandelin hp. Aku mikirnya bakal ribet kalo motret pake kamera, belum mindahin filenya ke hp yang butuh waktu lama dan sebagainya. Akhirnya aku ngetegarin hati aku buat terus positive thinking (padahal mah fotoinnya juga sampe gemeteran). Masih asik foto-foto tiba-tiba ada kakak panitia dateng ke arah kita dan bilang "semuanya upload sekarang ya! Cepetan! Waktunya d u a  m e n i t  lagi!".

Crap.

Saat itu juga aku langsung duduk nenangin diri, dan mulai nyortir foto-foto yang kira-kira bagus buat diupload. Segeber mungkin aku edit, kasih filter, tulis caption, dan buru-buru upload fotonya ke instagram. aku langsung upload 3 foto sekaligus! Which is foto ke-lima yang aku upload hari itu... huhuhu maaf ya teman-teman aku nyampah! Padahal Kak Dina bilang kita nggak boleh over-upload ato nyampah post di ig biar nggak bikin followers jengah. Aku edit captionnya berkali-kali sampe aku ngerasa bahasanya catchy buat dibaca. Itupun sambil degdegan keringetan... panic attack diburu waktu!

Ini dia 3 foto yang aku upload ke instagram:

Cerita Kita Casting Call batch 3 hari ini bikin aku aware sama kulitku & tahu kalo di masa remaja kayak sekarang, tubuh kita bakal ngeproduksi keringat dan minyak berlebih. But don't be ashame to show yourself to the world, girls! Nggak usah khawatir lagi sama muka berminyak karena dengan pakai Clean & Clear foaming facial washm, muka kita bakal anti dari minyak selama 9 jam dan bikin kita tetep pede! No need to worry to show the world the real me! #cncinstagramcoach #castingcall #seetherealme.

Nggak usah khawatir lagi sama muka berminyak tiap mau party. Selalu prepare Clean & Clear oil control firm di tas kamu sebelum pergi, and you're finally ready to enjoy the party! No need to worry to see the real me! #cncinstagramcoach #castingcall #seetherealme

Dengan kandungan blueberry extractnya, Clean & Clear daily pore cleanser mampu ngejaga kulit wajah kita dari komedo, loh, Girls! Clean & Clear foaming facial wash juga bisa ngontrol minyak di kulit kita sampai 8 jam. So, no need to worry to show the real us to the world! #cncinstagramcoach #castingcall #seetherealme

Workshop ditutup dan acara dilanjutin sama coffee break. I must say that Beehive's mushroom ball tuh enak parah. Sayang waktu itu rada gerah udaranya. Beres coffee break, aku duduk di sebelah Icus & nyaksiin sharing session tentang kulit & produk Clean & Clear. Begitu sesi pertanyaan dibuka, aku langsung ngacungin tangan, di saat belom ada orang yang berniat nanya. Kenapa coba? Karena... di casting call batch sebelumnya, orang yang ngajuin pertanyaan bakal dapet merchandise dari Gogirl. HAHAHA dasar otak gratisan.... maapin. Aku waktu itu nanya tentang makanan yang merangsang timbulnya jerawat di kulit. Ternyata makanan apapun nggak ada pengaruhnya sama jerawat yang timbul di kulit kita, asalkan kita tekun ngerawat dan ngebersihin kulit kita. Jadi, isu kalo kebanyakan makan gorengan atau coklat bikin jerawatan itu nggak bener.

Asik beneran dapet merchandise lol! Aku dapet merchandise tas dari Gogirl!. Dan bener aja, the moment they gave it to me, mendadak banyak banget orang yang ngacungin tangan mau ngajuin pertanyaan. Ternyata yang otak gratisan bukan aku doang lol.

sharing session.

Sesi tanya jawab berakhir ketika merchandisenya udah abis waktunya habis. Acara dilanjutin sama pengumuman pemenang inspiring photo yang diupload ke instagram. Ya jadi dari awal acara emang udah dijelasin kalo bakal ada hadiah buat kita-kita yang ngeupload foto seputar event Cerita Kita hari itu. Ada 5 orang yang fotonya kepilih jadi inspiring photo... and it turned out i was one of them! Woohoo!



Pemenang inspiring photo maju ke depan dan ngedapetin voucher MAP senilai Rp150.000 yang nantinya bisa dibelanjain di beberapa storenya kayak Zara, Mango, Pull & Bear, Sport Station, dan masih banyak lagi. Lumayan banget kan? Yeay!

Acaranya berlanjut ke pengumuman finalis pemenang Cerita Kita tiap divisi. Ada 3 pemenang dalam satu divisi, which means pemenang totalnya akan ada 12 orang. Di situ aku baru tau kalo pemenangnya nanti nggak cuma jadi kontributor website Cerita Kita dan dapet kesempatan magang di majalah Gogirl!, tapi juga... iPad mini! Wow.

Yang diumumin pertama kali ternyata pemenang dari divisi passion instagram specialist. Oh God. MC langsung nyebutin ketiga nama pemenang. Nama yang pertama kali disebut adalah namanya Kak Elista Yaumi. Kak Elista langsung maju ke depan. Duh pasti bahagia banget...

Nama yang kedua disebut waktu itu nama Kak Niken Ritami. Kak Niken maju nyusul Kak Elista di depan. Hfff... yaa gapapaaa kalo ga menang, Cha. Lumayan juga kok, udah dapet tas, voucher MAP, dimentorin sama Kak Dina, ketemu Kak Nina, Kak Githa, Kak Agnes Oryza, dapet makan jugaa.. udah dapet pengalaman kok.

Trus tiba-tiba nama aku disebut.
Yep, nama aku. Lengkap ketiga suku katanya.

Aku langsung nganga supergede trus ngeliat ke arah Icus, dan kebetulan banget Icus juga langsung ngeliat ke arah aku. I was like.. "ANJIR CUS ANJIR" and she was too, be like "ANJIR CHA ANJIR". I walked upfront awkwardly. I know, tampang aku waktu itu pasti udah ga banget, udah ga kekontrol antara pengen nyengir bahagia & pengen jalan ke depan in a calm, cool way. Haha sebel! Waktu aku jalan, Kak Ucita Pohan selaku MC-nya pun sampe bilang "Loh, kamu lagi?" haha gegara menang 3 kali beturut-turut!

Then there was i, in front of the people, standing as one of the winners. Pengumuman dilanjutin sampe finalis yang ke-12, dilanjut sama acara serah terima piagam sama iPad mini (super yeay!). Foto-foto bareng 12 finalis lainnya beserta mentor, dan shooting video bentar sebelum pulang. Setelahnya, para peserta event dapet goodie bag dari Clean & Clear! Hihu senanggg karena kebetulan aku emang make produk Clean & Clear di rumah. Sebelum pulang, aku, Kak Elista & Kak Niken foto-foto dulu bareng Kak Pramudina!

Kak Elista,, Kak Pramudina, aku &  Kak Niken. Yeay!

Kak Dina & si gendut aku. Hehe!

the prizes!

sekali lagi deh :p

Jujur aja, masih nggak nyangka banget aku bisa menang! Secara aku orangnya pesimis banget & nggak pedean. Lewat event Cerita Kita, aku belajar banyak hal dan dapet pelajaran berharga, kalo ternyata; all we have to do is try. Bukan masalah di 'bakal menang' atau enggaknya, tapi 'coba dulu'-nya. Kalo waktu itu Rasyid nggak ngedorong aku buat register seleksinya, mungkin aku nggak bakalan dapet semua pengalaman berharga itu dan yang paling penting... gak bakal menang!

Berkat event Cerita Kita juga, aku jadi 'mantap' banget ngeliat photography dan instagram sebagai passion yang bisa aku seriusin. Kemenangan ini tuh jadi 'titik' dimana aku bener-bener yakin buat nyebut passion aku dimana, karena aku selama ini orangnya nggak bisa ngakuin kelebihan aku sebelum aku 'ngehasilin' sesuatu dari itu. So happy to be one step closer to my dream! Bersyukur juga bisa kepilih jadi 12 besar diantara 100 orang yang juga jago & passionate di bidangnya!

Jadi, aku punya beberapa message nih buat temen-temen (atau mungkin calon finalis Cerita Kita batch 4 dan seterusnya!) semua:

1. It's not about winning. It's about trying. Kita harus jadi orang yang oportunis dan cerdas nyari celah menuju mimpi kita. Kita nggak boleh pesimis duluan buat ikutan sesuatu. Nggak boleh punya mental kalah duluan. Nggak usah overthinking nantinya bakal menang atau engga. Yang penting tuh: c o b a i n  d u l u !
2. Observate & apply what we learn. Rajin-rajin deh buat belajar & cari tahu banyak hal seputar passion kita. Jangan ngerasa udah 'tau duluan'. Perhatiin bener-bener dimana celah kesuksesan mereka yang udah sukses di bidang itu.
3. Positive thinking. Klise banget, tapi nyatanya emang supersusah dipraktekin.
4. Cari informasi sebanyak mungkin. Dengan googling dikit, jadi tau kan tips & trick buat dapet hadiah nyelesain hal-hal kecil yang ternyata krusial.
5.  Have faith. Believe in yourself. Don't ever give up.

Cheers!
Ocha.

God is brilliant and unique. He created diverse creatures so we don't get bored seeing the same version of ourselves on the others'. I get amazed everyday with the diversity He made through people i met (or i just knew). Almost 17 years i live, i met lots of people, but each of them has different habits, different mindsets, different physical appearances, different skills, and also different personalities. Had you have a think about how God is very artsy and particular about creating a person? I had. For example, let us take a look on Jared Leto and my dad (why should it be my dad? because.. i don't know haha!). Jared Leto is a 39 years old with messy hair and eye liner who express himself through rock music and support gay marriage. I can feel his passion, originality and his heart and passion through his song Kings and Queens (30 Seconds to Mars) while my 39 years old dad had his hair cut routine, express himself through drawing architecture sketch, listen to Pance's music, and strictly disapprove LGBT.

I also compared myself a lot with my sister, Ajeng. Everytime i did, i always felt that i was the downgrade version of her. I wasn't as sociable as her, as friendly as her, and as attractive as her. I envied her many times. I always wondered how does she always succeed making friend easily and comfort anyone who's being around her. She always happen to be a fun person to converse with, while i need weeks to can talk freely or non-awkward chat with them. It just felt sucks. But well, time flies and i've grown up. As i becoming a teenager and observe a lot, i found myself not as a downgrade version of my sister, but a whole different person. It's not that i am less this and less that if compared to my sister (or everyone), it's just simply because i'm different. And i know that i don't have to worry, because we are different each other. I found that since i observe my sister's habits. My mother and i agreed that she always doesn't like to be just at home (re: ga betahan). She spends her most free time with her friends and and lively being around people than being alone. She always feels insecure when she's alone. Concerts, parties, festivals and mall are her thingy, while it's definetely not mine. I feel comfort and peace to go alone for movies or hanging-out by myself while reading a book on a coffee shop, while my sister thinks it's idiot and so-anti-social.


And then my curiosity leads me to another research.

According to Carl Gustav Jung, there are 3 types of people based on their personalities. There are the extroverts; the ones that known as the outgoing, expressive and sociable. They're identical to be known as the social butterflies and easily make friends. I'm sure everyone of us has find out that in every our friends circle or environment, there will always be a central group or a 'center' person that catches everyone the most. The group whom hold a big influence in a group and tend to be the dominance. In my case, that central group held by a bunch of 'it' girls and the 'it' boys. The extros (that's how i called the extroverts) are so expressive that they let everyone know what they feel through verbals. They also love to speak rather than silence and being around of people rather than be alone. These extros just naturally feel lively when being around hustle. Also, working in a group and interacting with people are what they prefer beside working alone and 1:1 interaction. Those characteristics are my sister's thingy.


The other type is the introverts. This type of people are only about 30% of the world population, according to my research on Google, and I guess my eldest sister is one of them. Take a look on our class. I'm pretty sure there's at least one of our friends in class who tend to do everything alone, or a loner, or it's just they don't talk too much. The intros has the opposite personalities compared to the extros. Yes, the intros are more likely to be alone and find peace on it. They feel insecure for being around of people or crowds, and tend to express their feelings through writings. Many people think that these people are anti-social or worse, the freaks. However, it's not. It's not that they're shy or have a less skill of communication either. Being an introvert doesn't make them anti-social. They just have a different way to socialize and really careful to let things go out from their mouths. Yes, they think a lot before they speak. Also, the intros are more likely to be busy observe people, that's why they silent much. They're naturally born as the thinkers. They listen more while the extros more likely to speak more. Thay's why the intros are better listeners. I put more interest on the intros. On many cases the intros just surprised me by their hidden skills or story. I had one friend that people known her as a loner named H. My friends and i thought she was so mysterious. Soon, we were suprised to discover she's incredibly have an amazing skill on guitar! Or my other friend named A who's sooo private and talkless who is actually a book author.


The last type is ambivert. Literally, ambivert sits between the extros and the intros. At one time, they find peace in silence, but on the other time, they just can't stand the loneliness. They spend time and okay to be at home or to be alone, but when there are parties, they possibly become party-animals just like the extros. They have lots of friends, but also fine to be alone. Sometimes they like being around the crowds and sometimes they don't. On some circle friends they're known as the talkactive ones while ob the other circle people see them as a loner. The ambis are known as the easy going and the moody ones. They sometimes can be the extros and later transform to be the intros.

I find out myself as an ambivert who has a dominance introversion tendency. My personality changes depends on my environment. And i can't blame myself for having difficulty to change it. Being around my little family, i'm a very talkactive, expressful, crazy and confident person. I talk so much in front of them and don't even feel any worry to be disliked by them. I express a lot in front of them. When i'm mad, my face express real madness. I make silly faces in front of them. I threw out opinions about anything in front of them when it goes to discussion. I dance crazily and don't even care about how sucks my dance looks like. In my case, being an ambi makes me prefer to be only friends with the people who comfort me. When my intro side come out, i'm becoming such a loner, private, who prefer to read a book on a library by myself (out of the crowds). When my extro side come out, i'm suddenly becoming the most cheerful, active, and expressful person who prefer to be in the hippiest place or crowds such as mall or concert. Or when both of the sides mixed up, i'm becoming the one who reading a book by myself in the crowd coffee shop (it has to be crowd because at that time i don't want to be really alone). That's why the ambis like me known as the moody(s).

Here's what funny. I'm naturally selective about friends. It's not that i'm picky, for God's sake, it's just come naturally. I'm naturally all-out when being around a person i comfort with, and i'm naturally awkward when being around people/person that misfits me. Who misfits me? The one who's 'too much' for everything. The ones who exposed too much, talk too much and don't let me get that opportunity to talk back, the ones who spelled too much dirty words. Ah, and the one who don't ask me back so i always should have to be the one who ask question that lead to a conversation, avoiding silence-awkward situation. They literally intimidate me. But my bad is, when i feel intimidated on that first meeting, i automatically ignore or worry that person to be part of my life. Okay you may be confused at this time, so let me get you an example.

For example, i have two circles of friends, A & B. I feel comfortable to be around my A circle's friends. When i feel comfort, i'm all out. I'm becoming the most talkactive person, the most out-going and the most friendly person around them. I'm feeling more alive being around them and my A's friends see me as the sociable person. Assume that i don't fit the B friends but unfortunately the situation makes me has to be around them. So in B circle, i'm becoming more private and naturally build a bridge so they don't know the true crazy me. They know me as a private, don't talk too much or worse, arrogance person. But the bridge just built by itself. I'd love to hug A friends passionately while i feel awkward even to just hold my B friends' hands. Sometimes it's funny to hear my B friends said that i don't talk too much, while on the inside i know that i'm one of the most talkactive person on the A circles.

Note this. I don't hate the ones who misfit me. It's not that i ignore them to be friends with me either. It's just feels harder and scared to be friends with them for me. We don't have the same vision or principles and i think it may took a longer process to can crack my shell in front of them. It's just.. i expect people who has different values with me would hurt me if i crack my shell out. That's why i tend to be private in front them. So i don't get hurt. Well maybe it's my bad that i can't be careless to be myself in front of people who don't fit me. It's my bad that i let my environment defines me and changes me. It's my bad that i rather to be not me than being hurt by people. Maybe that's why after all this time, i called my self as a determinism. Yes. Determinism; what happen on me is caused by my environment.

That's me. I'm an ambivert. I'm the one who wants to be exposed or stand out more than the others at one time, but want to hide away from the crowds at the other time. I'm sociably awkward in new environment when there's no one i know accompany me, but when i feel you're close enough to me, i'll crack my shells and probably be the center of circle. I have lots of friends, but i do have a small amount of best friends that REALLY know me. If you succeed to comfort me, you may be pleasured to walk through my bridge. And by 'walk through my bridge' means you may be the luckiest person that i share all my true love and i care with in my life, i promise. I may be very private but I will do everything to people that i love. Some people may see me as an extrovert and some people may see me as an introvert and that may confused you; but that's okay. It is what it is. I wasn't pretending to be anybody else. Being intros and being extros are parts of myself that comes naturally. I can't even fix it so please, don't blame me for it. I feel insecure being around of people that i don't know when those people has already known each other. I depend my personality on my environment but swear, i tried my whole life to be happy and embrace wherever i'm around with. I got power from the loneliness, i got peace on it, but i on the other side i just can't stand being alone.

It's hard at the beginning to admit that i am one of those kind of people. But as i admit my bad, i figured myself out even more. I know myself a lot better, appreciate it, and not just try my best to live it, but also embrace it.

So, what kind is your personality?

Have you ever feel like
that you're feeling some butterflies
fly in your tummy
when you look a cute guy's face
that haunting you all nights

 Have you ever feel like
that someone finally fills your heart for the first time
and you seem heard his voice
on his message.

Have you ever feel like
that looking your crush face
all the time
seems like your new hobby

Have you ever feel like
loving a guy into the smallest particles on him
His eyes, his smile, his nails, his big hands
his strong arms, gasps between his teeth,
his hair
you have no idea why did he come to you
or when did he finally stole your heart
and why did you love him
You just loved him.


Have you ever feel like
that you're the loneliest person
around a lot of people

because i have.

Have you ever feel like
that you're the forgotten peson
around a lot of people

because i have.

Have you ever feel like
that God tests you
because days seems become harder

because i have.

Have you ever feel like
that you're being so envy to everyone
that smarter than you
prettier, smarter
and humbler than you
and you just hated yourself

because i have.

Have you ever feel like
you wished that you weren't born to be you,
yourself,
you just wanted to be somebody else

because i have.

Have you ever feel like
that you're imitating someone's act
talking like the way they talk
walking like the way they walk
dressing like the way they dress


and someday
you just have no idea who you are anymore that time

because i have.

Have you ever feel like
you've become so depressed
loneliness was your new friend
you were just being so melancholy-thingy
you were just loving sad songs
you cursed yourself

because i have.

 Have you ever feel like
you're just become so frustrated
tears rushing down your face
in the middle of the night
nobody knows.

 because i have.

Life knocked you down.
 And you were just thinking
can i?
can i face it?
 You just didn't know what to do.
Or who you can trust
or to who you can release those feelings.
It's all blurry.

You just didn't know
how could you become so melancholy
so sad
and your eyes excrete tears
when a guy broke your heart
you never felt that feelings
you felt so stupid.
 foolish.

there will be no end
or when these feelings are solved
because they will come to you
and the only thing you can do is just
live it
face it
just so you know
this is how adolescents life like.

listen to mine!

Holla.

Can't believe it's already September tomorrow, peeps! Sooo many things i learn this month. Semoga hal-hal yang udah terlewati, sekecil apapun itu bisa jadi pelajaran hidup, karena sesungguhnya kita nggak pernah berhenti melakukan proses pembelajaran #PraKhotbah

Lagi sibuk kelas 9 nih. Baru aja masuk, ternyata tugas yang masuk udah numpuk aja. Rada bikin kelabakan juga sebenernya, karena waktu istirahat aku sendiri berkurang drastis semenjak les dan pulang malem jadi rutinitas setahun penuh di kelas 9 ini :')

Jadi, tahun depan aku SMA.

-

SMA loh. SMA.

Astaga, Ocha udah gede :') kalo discroll lagi, perasaan baru kemarin banget aku ngepost cerita tentang Hari Kartinian di SD di mana aku pakai baju Bali, atau ngeshare postan tentang gimana senengnya aku berhasil masuk SMP. Time flies so fast, ya? Rutinitas keseharianku akhir-akhir ini semakiiin monoton aja. Bangun pagi, mandi, shalat subuh, sekolah, les, sampe rumah, ngerjain pr, tepar ketiduran, dan seterusnya. Ini nih yang bikin bosen! Refreshing-nya kalo nggak internetan, jalan-jalan ke mall yang makin penuh sesek aja, ngelarin tugas, kayaknya nggak ada 'ruang' untuk bernafas. Segala sesuatunya udah teratur, semuanya udah menjadi rutinitas. Semuanya jadi ngebosenin, sumpah.

 --

Aku baru ngelarin novel 5cm minggu lalu. Emang, udah basi banget sih sebenernya. Cuma aku doang yang belom baca novel supeeeerrrrr ini kali ya. Nyesel banget deh. Baca 5cm, bikin aku sempet ngerasa, ya ampun, aku tuh Ian banget! Iya, Ian yang dulunya benci banget sama Indonesia. Ian yang ngerasa negeri ini bobrok banget. Korupsi dimana-mana, budaya etika masyarakatnya yang kadang ga bermoral, Indonesia yang buruk banget. Aku pun pernah benci banget sama negeri ini. Tiap baca koran, selalu aja ada berita korupsi di headline-nya. Tiap aku naik angkot, si Mang Angkot selalu aja seenak udelnya ngetem atau nurunin penumpang di mana aja. Nggak jarang aku lihat anak kecil jalanan berseragam SD yang lagi ngisep rokok. Pengemis lampu merah yang doyan banget bawa anak bayinya di gendongan, berharap ia dapet duit lebih dari situ. Sistem pendidikannya yang lebih ngutamain nilai daripada ilmu. Para pejabat yang bahkan nggak hapal lagu Indonesia raya. Para caleg DPRD lulusan SMP yang nggak ngaca. Koruptor yang berhasil kabur dari penjara dan malah nonton pertandingan. Hukuman pencuri semangka yang ga sebanding dengan tindak pidana koruptor. Perumahan kumuh di tengah-tengah kota Bandung. Sungai yang penuh banget sama sampah. Tawuran dimana-mana. Yang kaya makin kaya, yang miskin makin miskin. Bahkan mantan presiden negeri aku sendiri pernah korupsi! Pernah nggak ya, pejabat-pejabat pemerintahan yang intelek itu mikirin keadaan rakyat miskin? Semua koruptor serakah. Semua ini ... siapa yang salah?

Kalau Ian dapet pencerahan dari pendakiannya di Mahameru, aku masih sebatas bekal dari Mama. Tidak sepatutnya kita membenci negeri ini. Kita seharusnya membenci tikus-tikus serakah itu, para koruptor. Koruptor itu, yang rata-rata adalah para pejabat kita adalah orang cerdas tanpa iman yang salah jalan. Padahal, uang bukanlah segalanya, kalau mereka belajar agama. Sementara aku sendiri beropini, sistem pendidikan kita juga kurang benar. Siswa dipaksa untuk serba benar, dipaksa untuk dapat nilai sempurna. Padahal, yang namanya proses belajar itu tentulah dari sebuah kesalahan. Dari kesalahan itu kita bisa belajar. Kita nggak bisa langsung dipaksa harus benar. Bukan berarti kita harus salah juga, tapi kita terlalu dituntut untuk mendapat nilai sempurna. Materi yang disampaikan di sekolah negeri pun, terlalu berat dan nggak efektif. Bayangin aja deh, anak TK aja udah dipaksa ngerjain soal pertambahan pengurangan 1-20! Sementara di Amerika atau Finlandia, negara yang pendidikannya paling maju di dunia, tahap pra-operasional anak usia 2-7 tahun (masa berkembangnya kemampuan kebahasaan anak) dipakai sebaik-baiknya untuk belajar berkomunikasi dan melatih kepribadian anak dan menanamkan nilai-nilai moral dan empati. Nggak heran kan, melihat anak bule kecil yang udah lancar banget komunikasinya dengan orang dewasa? Hitungan aja dipelajari, bagaimana dengan pelajaran moral dan empati? Pelajaran akhlak dan moral tentu nggak akan bisa dijelaskan secara teoritis. Kesenangan masa kecil anak-anak jaman sekarang rentan terkikis karena dibebani oleh tugas akademis sekolah.

Di Indonesia, jelas banget adanya diskriminasi tentang 'sekolah favorit' dengan sekolah biasa. Untuk masuk sekolah favorit itu, siswa harus punya nilai yang mencukupi dengan standar yang udah ditetapkan. Standar NEM misalnya. 'Sekolah favorit' ini nih yang ngebuat siswa harus dapat nilai yang serba sempurna, serba baik. Standar KKMnya pun nggak nanggung-nanggung, sampai 80-85. Bayangin, stres nggak sih? Mau nggak mau, kita dipaksa untuk mendapatkan nilai minimal 80. Kalau udah begitu, mana yang di mata para siswa lebih penting? Nilai, tentu aja. Kita dibebani tuntutan asal nilai gede. Pengkastaan sekolah seperti adanya sekolah favorit, sekolah nasional plus, sekolah bilingual, sekolah rintisan bertaraf internasional yang membebani siswa sekolah. Seharusnya, semua sekolah itu sama, setara. Kalau hanya anak-anak pintar yang bisa masuk sekolah favorit, bagaimana dengan yang kurang pintar? Apakah akan dibiarkan semakin tenggelam? Pengkastaan ini lah yang bikin aku beropini kalau negeri ini seakan-akan menganut ideologi kapitalisme.

Sementara di Indonesia sendiri, pemerintah masih aja memborbardir kita dengan seperangkat tugas berat, ulangan harian, ulangan tengah semester, ulangan akhir semester, ulangan kenaikan kelas, ujian akhir nasional. Tuntutan nilai dan kelulusan melalui UN bikin para siswa mungkin saja menghalalkan segala cara untuk dapat nilai bagus. Dengan mencontek, misalnya. Proses pembelajaran selama 3 tahun di SMP dan SMA, ditentukan sebagian besar oleh UN. Padahal, proses belajar di sekolah bukan hanya dari nilai akademis aja yang seharusnya diperhitungkan. Di sekolah, aku sendiri sebagai siswa ngerasa nilai pelajaran akademis adalah segala-galanya. Lalu, bagaimana dengan pelajaran akhlak, moral dan budi pekerti? Apa kita dituntut untuk cerdas tanpa landasan akhlak dan moral, seperti para koruptor-koruptor itu?

Aku pun sadar, aku nggak bisa cuma ngeluh doang kerjaannya. Aku yakin nggak cuma aku yang berpendapat hal yang sama tentang semua ini. Mungkin masih ada pemimpin negeri kita yang benar-benar mempunyai tujuan menjadikan Indonesia lebih baik. Pasti ada. Dan yang aku bisa lakukan sekarang, ialah menanamkan kejujuran dari diri aku sendiri, untuk diri aku sendiri. Tekad aku sih, aku bakal berjuang kelas 9 ini. Supaya kelak bisa aku singkirin dan gantiin tikus-tikus serakah di Indonesia ini. Supaya kelak nggak ada lagi kasus-kasus korupsi atau kemiskinan yang udah cukup bikin muak. Supaya kelak, aku nggak benci lagi terhadap negeri ini. Demi negeri ini. Aamiin.

Mungkin klise, tapi di bulan ini aku akan berusaha jadi yang lebih baik lagi. Karena itikad baik akan selalu berbuah baik pula. Bismillahirrahmanirrahim, halo September!

And when you're fifteen
Feeling like there's nothing to figure out

CIYE CIYE.

Pamer ceritanya.

Hehe

....

 i'm officially 15 now! :)

Nggak tau kenapa, umur 15 selalu jadi impian aku sejak SD. Bukan 17, tapi 15. Rasanya tuh kayak udah fix jadi remaja aja. Tons of wishes flied by friends&family. I even have no idea how to pay their prayer and respect for me, no lie. Life is just so GOOD. People is just so kind to me, really.. 

What would you think if you find your friends got into your room when you were sleeping and they were like screaming happy birthday with a big present? I just love suprises. And in that case, i would give my biggest thank to Alma, Rasyid, Resal, Hani, Kak Rafi who did it to me. You guys are soooo kind to me! 

My friends and i were having breakfasting together yesterday at my house. It was such a quality time. Inget banget kemarin kita bertujuh jalan kaki dari Cibeber sampai Cangkorah dalam keadaan puasa buat nyari panti asuhan; yang jadi sasaran kita buat do charity. Kita ngandelin 6 bocah TK buat nunjukin dimana letak panti asuhan itu sampai.... kita malah kecantol di puskesmas. Salah kita juga sih coy, ngandelin anak bocah yang bahkan nggak bisa bedain panti asuhan sama puskesmas itu apa :') but that was okay, really. We still found happiness. Selalu senang berada di antara kalian yang udah jadi sahabat aku selama dua tahun ini di SMP. Biggest thank for our quality time, Hasna, Syifa, Chibi, Dikim, Iqbal, Daffa. You guys always made my day :) I will never forget that time when we did our prayer together, when we were eating a bucket of oreo ice cream together, when we were lighting those beautiful fireworks.. wish i still have a chance to repeat all those stuff together with you again, guys :)

Family. Terima kasih untuk pelukan hangat dan untaian doa di waktu sahur. It was the warmest one, sissy. Thank God i've been raised by a little family with love and warm on it. My parents, they probably not as rich or as success like my friends' have, but trust me, you were the one who loved me the most. Dad, you're the coolest, the multitalent father, the greatest person, the smartest father i've ever known. Mungkin Papa emang suka pakai kata-kata sulit kalo lagi ngasih advice, but i do open my dictionary to find out what does it mean lol. Sorry for all the things i shouldn't done to you. I often doesn't like your temperamental nature, but all the words you say to me.. i will always remember it. I know you have a good reasons for every anger. Mum, thanks for all your endless love. I love you, and you can never be replaced. Thanks for sharing bed when Dad isn't home. Thanks for escort me to the toilet every night when i'm scared. Thanks for your love-life advice, thanks for being my personal psychologyst. You are the strongest woman ever.. I wish i can be as strong as you are. Mbak Ajeng, my second sissy, you are my closest person. You are a shoulder to cry on. You are the best partner in crime. You know what, Mbak, I were always wishing to be like you. You are a role-model and never success to inspire me. Kamu orang calon sukses banget Mbak, if only i was you.. But thank God, You chose her to be my sister. Thanks for being my bestfriend and share your bed to me. And the last one would be you, Mbak Tiara. Thanks for being my oh-so-caring-sister. You're gonna be a great doctor, you know. I envy both of my sister. Can't wait to see my brother-in-law, Mbak :) 

Thank God for a great family, for a homey house, for all the love you gave to me, my family and my friends. You know what.. i am feeling so LUCKY. I was surrounded by people who love me with all of their pure hearts.. I was surrounded by funny, loyal and good friends. I was surrounded by family who always loved me. I have a perfect life.. i find happiness on my life. Kebahagiaan bukanlah sesuatu yang diharapkan, tapi diciptakan. And i will create my happy ending.

There will be people who will see me as a good person, and there will be people who will see me as a bad person. People could like me for something, and people could hate me for something else as well.

I will change, becoming a much better person for those who like me, loving me unconditionally. (took those words by klaus rachman)

I will change to be a better person. I'm 15 and i should be mature enough to make good decision in my life. Guide me with your grace, God, because the decision i took made who i am today and tomorrow.

I wish i could be as strong as my Mum.
as smart as my Dad.
as mature as my second sissy.
as humble as my first sissy.
as loyal as my bestfriends.
as kind as everyone does to me.

Thank God for my incredible life, for your grace
Thank God, people is just so kind to me..
Thank God, life is just so good
Thank God, for my 15th birthday

I promise i will be a better person..


and taller.

Afternoon, Fellas ;) long time no posting

Sooo setelah bersibuk ria dengan segala kegiatan sekolah maupun luar sekolah, akhirnya kewujud juga keinginan ngepost lagi. I wanted to update my activities sooo badly, esp tentang experiences aku selama beberapa bulan terakhir ini. My lastest post about my achievement as a first winner of storytelling competition harusnya terus berlanjut sampe pengalaman aku di tingkat province kemarin.

Well, the competition were way too tiring. Berpusat di Lembang, aku, Mam Euis dan Eli (representing my town to compete on songwriting&arranging music) udah berusaha semaksimal mungkin nampilin yang terbaik. Aku bawain 2 cerita, yaitu The Lonely Porcupine dan Timun Mas. The other contestants were very good too. Nggak heran sih sebenernya, karena mereka juara dari kota masing-masing. Lumayan susah juga untuk fight back the fear, karena aku orangnya gampang banget buat pesimis. Cerita pertama aku, Timun Mas, aku bawain dengan baik di depan juri. At least, aku merasa itu adalah penampilan terbaikku selama latihan dua bulan. Sayangnya cerita kedualah yang jelas banget aku rasain bahwa itu bukan perform terbaikku. I missed a lot of pronunciation. Aku sempat nyaksiin finalnya, dan aku ngakuin banget kalo mereka worth it masuk final. Aku nggak nyesel sama sekali hanya masuk 10 besar. Because the experiences i had was the most important thing to learn, and it was priceless. Di setiap paginya aku bangun dan mereka sekeliling, bilang ke diri sendiri "be grateful. it doesn't matter if you win or not, because adventure like this will not come everyday"

Kadang, dalam kompetisi, yang kita pikirin hanyalah menang atau engganya kita nanti. But you know, there's more important from it. The experiences. The adventures. The lessons. Karena petualangan seperti itu nggak akan datang tiap hari. Fighting!

Alhamdulillah!

Berbekal sifat oportunis dan pengen nyoba-nyoba segala hal, ternyata ngebuahin sebuah prestasi lagi, yaitu di lomba story telling. Honestly, aku bener-bener nggak nyangka dan rada speechless. Kenapa? Karena aku nggak pernah ikut atau nyobain bidang teater sama sekali.

Pengalaman pertama nyobain story telling adalah ketika dapet tugas nampiling stortel, sekaligus mempelajari narrative text. Dengan bermodalkan nggak tahu malu dan pinjem segala properti, akhirnya tampil juga. Beberapa minggu kemudian setelahnya, ada info pembinaan fls2n. Posisi aku yang asalnya peserta speech minta dituker sama Syifa jadi story telling. Nggak yakin juga sebenernya, soalnya dari 3 orang kandidat itu bakal dipilih 2 orang buat perwakilan sekolah. Aku adalah salah satu diantara 3 orang itu. Ngeliat kandidat lainnya, Fazla dan Chiesa, yaitu adik kelas aku yang jago-jago dan dewa banget story tellingnya, jadi minder juga. They were amazing.

Akhirnya setelah melalui beberapa pembinaan setiap dua kali seminggu (yang sangat menyita waktu dan kesibukan), they chose me! Beberapa hari sebelum lomba, nggak tahu kenapa aku semakin minder dan bilang ke ibu, kalau aku nggak menang, itu wajar, it's okay. Karena aku hanya bermodalkan rasa ingin tahu, ga memiliki bakat di bidang teater, suka mencari celah, dan aku nggak passionate ke bidang itu. Yang selama ini meneguhkan hati aku adalah, bahwa aku passionate into photography. Dan ber-story-telling, kurasa bukan aku banget. Setahuku, aku bukanlah orang yang ekspresif seperti mereka yang jago berteater. Pembina juga suka bilang kalo articulation dan pronunciation-ku masih kurang jelas dan suka rada kecepetan gitu ngomongnya. Belum lagi, membayangkan aku akan berdrama sendiri di depan para juri dan orang banyak--serta peserta yang jago lainnya dari sekolah masing-masing, membuatku sedikit pesimis.

Aku cuma bisa berdoa. Aku siap kalah. Yang aku cari dari awal memang bukan kemenangan, tapi pengalaman dan melatih buat berkompetisi. Aku selalu bilang ke diri sendiri "Kalau menang, alhamdulillah. Kalau enggak, it's okay".

Aku dapet nomer 13. Chiesa dapet nomer 16. Senin, tanggal 8 lalu tanggal mainnya. Ada peserta yang lain yang sama ceritanya kayak aku. Yaah apa boleh buat sih, kan aku nggak serajin Chiesa yang buat narasinya sendiri :'))) huehehehehe. Dan, alhamdulillah, aku tampil dengan lancar. Sayangnya, ada satu part yang aku lewatkan, yaitu bagian moral lessons-nya. Kenapa? Karena aku tiba-tiba ngeblank begitu denger ringtone hp seseorang yang gede banget. Jadi, tinggal bertawakal aja :) Dan ternyata, hari itu juga lah akan diumumin siapa yang menjadi juaranya, alias siapa yang bakal maju ke tahap provinsi.

Begitu diumumin tuh, ternyata they counted it by the 5th. Tim dari sekolahku, 4 orang untuk bahasa Inggris 2 speech 2 stortell) udah kumpul nunggu pengumumannya di ruang multimedia. Tapi, lomba speech dulu lah yang diumumin. Bangganya nih, dua temanku Syifa A dan Hanifa dapet juara ke-3 dan ke-2.  Duuh, malu dong ya, kalau aku nggak dapet juara. Soalnya, 2 orang dari tim speech udah nyabet juara semua. Feeling aku kuat banget kalo Chiesa bakal menang juga, she totally deserve it! Pengumuman juara lomba story telling akhirnya dimulai juga, dengan beberapa bacotan kata sambutan dari nggak tahulah itu siapa namanya. Aku berharap dan berdoa keras bakal dapet juara harapan ke-2. Ternyata nggak dapet. Juara harapan 1 juga enggak. Juara ketiga diraih temen SDku, Ghina, dan terlihat dari ekspresinya seneng banget. Pastinya.. :)

Juara kedua diraih oleh Chiesa. Memang nggak perlu diragukan, sungguh. Dia emang bertalenta banget di bidang ini. Aku yakin banget tahun depan dia bakal nyabet 1st winner-nya. Heran juga kenapa Chiesa nggak dapet ke-1. Dia worth-it banget, menurutku. Aku udah lemas banget dan bilang puluhan kali ke Ma'am Indri, "Ma'am, maaf ya Mam, Ocha ngga bisa menang."

Dan tiba-tiba namaku disebut.

Trus terdengar tepuk tangan. Trus aku langsung nganga sampe berdiameter 5 cm ke arah Ma'am.

Trus aku mendadak kebelet antara pengen boker kentut.

Daaan jadilah aku menyusul Chiesa, berdiri di sampingnya, berdiri di depan penonton dan peserta, serta juri, sebagai juara pertama. Dan ada seseorang spesial yang nongol di depan pintu, nyaksiin aku. Damn, waktunya gak tepat banget. Lagi gak kobe dan muka-muka nahan kebelet nih :(

skip, skip.

Dan dengan bangganya, aku nyebutin nama dan asal sekolah aku. Semua bertepuk tahan. It's a great pleasure, you know. Bahwa aku telah membuktikan kepada mereka yang selama ini menganggapku nggak bisa mencapai apa yang aku raih; bahwa dengan bermodalkan sifat oportunis dan rasa ingin tahuku aku bisa menghasilkan prestasi; bahwa aku bisa memberikan kebanggaan untuk sekolah; dan, bahwa aku bisa mewakili kotaku untuk maju ke tahap provinsi.

One more step. Prove them. Bismillah!

It's a serious problem with me. What passion i do have? Well, i like to painting, and i'm good with it. I like math, i like music--but i'm not good with playing it, i like write journal. Make it simple. I do not have passion. I mean, something that i enjoy to do it. I don't have any ideal. That makes me feel like a damn absurd. My friends have, but i have not. It's weird.

Until my mom told me about that. I have to find where is my passion. It's 5 years remaining til' i make the biggest decision in my life, my future. It has to be thinked from this time. Whatever i will do in my next 10 years, i promise i will be a successful person just like mum, dad, or my sisters.

Who knows what will happened in 10 next years?

Ini kutipan postku yang lalu. Berita baiknya, aku nggak perlu menunggu 5 tahun. Karena sekarang, aku udah mantepin tentang passion aku.

Sejak aku masuk ekskul GAP, aku mulai nekunin seni bidang fotografi. Ada kesenangan dan kepuasan tersendiri, ketika kamu scrolling jepretan kamu dan nemu hasil yang bagus. Anak-anak lain yang megang DSLR di jaman sekarang ini mungkin emang udah mainstream, nggak sedikit juga orang bilang "well, he/she is not a photographer. he/she is just a girl with Nikon". Aku bahagia tiap aku pegang kamera. Entah itu DSLR, digital, kamera jaman dulu punya kakek, atau kamera handphone sekalipun. Di GAP juga, aku nemuin temen-temen yang sepemikiran dan memiliki besar passion yang sama terhadap fotografi.

Walaupun masih amatiran, aku terus ingin belajar di fotografi. Mulai dari bagaimana mengatur pencahayaan, angle yang bagus, komposisi, diafragma, skin tone, dll. Belajar levitasi, macro, model photography, still-life, dsb. Browsing tips-tips fotografi, coba-coba ngulik kamera temen, asik banget.

Passion is not what you are good at. It's what you enjoy the most - Rene Suhardono

Aku mulai mantepin diri. Setelah coba-coba berbagai bidang; mulai dari seni lukis, musik, tolak peluru, literatur, dan masiiiih banyak lagi, thought i realize this is what i enjoy the most.
Jaman sekarang gak perlu bagus dalam segala hal, setengah-setengah. Pilih satu, tekunin, nikmatin, kembangin, buat sesuatu yang hebat dari itu! Bismillah.

p.s: check out my graphs at groneap.blogspot.com!

Hai. Nggak kerasa udah masuk bulan September lagi :D
Kegiatan belajar di sekolah udah mulai diberlakukan secara efektif di sekolah, setelah sekian lama libur panjang (yang kao dihitung-hitung sih udah 1,5 bulan-an). Jam belajar skolah ditambah 40 menit mulai setiap harinya, ditambah ekskul setiap sabtu. Memang kontras banget keadaannya kalau dibandingkan masa-masa SD. Tiap pulang sekolah, sampai rumah, nonton Si Unyil, lalu tidur siang. Boro-boro pulang siang, hampir setiap hari aku sampai rumah ketika sore. Malah nggak jarang sampai pulang sekolah bertepatan dengan adzan maghrib. Bulan 1-2 di kelas 7 aku emang sempat tumbang di awal. Berusaha berontak, menolak sistem yang ada, merengek minta mama pindah sekolah. Tapi yah.. mau gimana lagi? Berat ringannya emang harus dijalanin, nggak bisa dihindarin. Mama berusaha banget buat aku betah dengan sistem yang ada. Mulai dari fasilitasin komputer, printer, laptop, buku penunjang, mama sediain khusus buatku. Stres karena PR, malas sekolah, nggak mood ketemu guru dan belajar fisika, ada aja alesan ke Mama. Banyak alesan yang ngebuatku males buat pergi ke sekolah. PRku banyak, tugas macam-macam, kerja kelompok, nggak sreg sama gurunya, ada teman yang nggak aku suka, dsb. Beruntungnya Mama bukan orang yang perfeksionis sampai menuntutku buat dapat nilai bagus di sekolah. Bahkan Mama nggak pernah memaksaku untuk pergi ke sekolah atau mengerjakan PR. Jujur saja aku yang dari kecil diperlakukan cuek sama mama sempat iri sama orangtua temanku yang lain, sampai aku nanya ke mama kenapa dia kayak begitu. Jawabannya itu-itu saja; "karena kamu yang sekolah, kamu yang ngejalanin, kamu dong yang merasakan; merasakan bagaimana ketika malu ditegur guru karena jarang masuk sekolah, peer ketinggalan, dan dapat nilai jelek di rapor karena nggak pernah menyelesaikan tugas. biar rasa tanggung jawab keluar sendirinya. mau nggak sekolah? silahkan aja. kan kamu yang nggak enak karena ketinggalan pelajaran begitu masuk sekolah, kebingungan, ngejar ketertinggalan itu sendirian. Tapi Mama tidak membebaskan sepenuhnya. Kalau ada ulangan atau pengambilan nilai, mama selalu mewajibkanmu untuk datang, kan. mama tidak cuek, kok."

Tiap ngerasa stres, izin sekolah, Mama malah ngajak jalan-jalan, makan siang di luar, sharing, curhat tentang keadaan di sekolah, beli buku pelajaran, dan jadi teman ngerjain PR. Aku yang tumbang banget ternyata mampu juga ngejar semua ketertinggalan itu. Memang harus dibawa santai, aku pun nggak begitu waswas ketika ada tugas atau musim ulangan. Nggak belajar mati-matian, dilarang main, dilarang baca komik, atau semacamnya. Kalau aku sih mungkin punya cara belajar tersendiri, ya. Aku selalu mendengarkan penjelasan guru di depan kelas, cerewet bertanya berkali-kali sampai aku mengerti, lalu dipahami. Setelah itu, di rumah nggak perlu belajar lagi. Nggak tahu juga sih ya, belajar mati-matian/keras malah ngebuatku tegang. Justru yang santai itu yang ngebuatku enjoy buat belajar di sekolah. Ada sebagian orang yang mengira aku nggak serius dan main-main aja, nggak peduli belajar, nggak peduli nilai, bahkan bilang 'kayaknya aku nggak pernah lihat kamu belajar deh'. Nggak perlu ditargetkan harus dapat nilai tinggi, asal nggak remedial aja, udah cukup. Setelah adaptasi yang cukup lama inilah yang akhirnya berhasil buatku ada di 3rd rank kelas. Jadi ya intinya, segala sesuatu lebih baik dibawa santai, nggak perlu serius dan jangan punya target yang terlalu tinggi. Tapi jangan dibawa terlalu santai, nanti malah keteteran :D

Setelah vakum dari les kumon juga, akhirnya aku ngejar ketertinggalan dan terobsesi supaya cepat jadi completer, biar nggak puyeng tiap hari berkutat dengan lembaran PR. Belum lagi les piano yang makan waktu buat practice. Satu hal yang butuh aku pelajarin banget kali ini; time-managing! So lucky i got Izzati's post about time-managing, which it helps me so much!

Have any of you learn how to manage your time?

When life becomes difficult, so many things to do, yet so little time, there’s nothing to worry about if you know how to manage your time.

When I joined Latihan Kepemimpinan Siswa or in Student Leadership Training at school back home, the seniors taught us the skill of Time Managing. It is important for a leader to manage their time well and how to make everything well-balanced, since to be a leader means to have more responsibilities, more people to listen to, and more circumstances to conduct.

I found the prominence of time and its value each day. Because to be honest, since I entered high school, I became The Busy Girl. No offense. I had a quite tough after-school schedule, I had so many activities to juggle, I wanted to do many things and I struggled so hard to keep everything balanced. Sometimes I squirmed and asked God why wouldn’t he made one day lasted longer, or add one more day to the week. Then I realized; I did so many things but what I didn’t do is introspect much about the reason for the plight between myself and time—or my time managing skill. I could possibly do everything I wanted to do, I just needed to cope with my doings.

This is what my senior taught me about Time Management when I participated in Student Leadership Training at high school:

TIME MANAGEMENT

• Management: The process of dealing with or controlling things or people; the use of resources effectively and efficiently
• Time management: The use of time effectively and efficiently.

1. Planning
2. Organizing
3. Directing
4. Controlling

• Remember the purpose of “managing time”; we don’t literally manage the time, but the doings that we do in one time.
• Do things according to the goal.

STEPS

1. Goal
2. Flexibility
3. Priority (80% effect is the result of 20% cause)
   
   High priority: Cannot be represented, cannot be rescheduled, will cause a bad impact if it’s not done, the opportunity to do so is very rare (tidak dapat diwakilkan, tidak dapat dijadwal ulang, akan berdampak buruk jika tidak dilakukan, kesempatan untuk melakukannya sangat langka.)
   
4. Focus. Reduce all the things/activities which do not support the relevant ones. (Reduksi semua kegiatan yang tidak mendukung hal yang bersangkutan)
5. Balance. (Keseimbangan; Semua yang tidak seimbang itu tidak baik.)
6. Assertive (to self); having or showing a confident and forceful personality. The courage to do, to act, or to reject, understanding our “portion”. (Berani untuk berbuat atau menolak, memahami porsi diri.)
7. DO IT NOW! The more the things you hold and wait, the more they will haunt you and make your time seems shorter and shorter. (Lakukan sekarang! Apa yang kau tunda akan menggumpakan kekuatan untuk memburumu tanpa ampun.)

My seniors are amazing.

Whenever I see this note, it looks so simple and easy, I feel like I could’ve easily mastered this “skill”.

But the question now: Can I easily apply them to my daily-life as well?

Think about it.

When you are studying Math, there are times when you can easily catch on the method; the formula; the symbols and the number; you know how to solve an equation. But when it comes to a life problem that requires you to apply your Math knowledge, does it seem as easy as it look?

How do you do it then?

How do I do it?

My answer: I ought to grasp the idea.

The main purpose of the method, the goal of the formula, how it works, what they represent in real life.

I should know my priority, and do what becomes my priority first, and also to know the consequences if I don’t do so.

I then slowly try to manage my time. I sort all of my doings and decide the ones that become my priority. If I have two things that have the same level of importance, I list all my pros and cons, what would happen if I do this instead of another. I’m amazed of the idea, of how our days could be easier and I could feel such accomplishment if I manage my time well enough. Especially here in America, the most important thing to do here is to make the most out of my year; which means I cannot waste time. Every moment has to be worth it and beneficial; every opportunity has to be grasped and has to be lived in.

credits: theladybug.tumblr.com - Sri Izzati.

"I do backpack. I'm a traveler."

On last Thu, August 2nd i just had my 14th birthday. Which is the greatest birthday ever.
Hal yang aku sukai di ulangtahunku yang ke-14 adalah:

1. Ketika aku sama anak-anak 7B nyewa angkot dan desek-desekan sampai tiba di rumah
2. Agristy berulangtahun juga (happy birthday Agris!! :D )
3. Pesantren kilat yang menyenangkan di sekolah
4. SMS selamat ulang tahun pertama dari Papa (i miss you a lot, Daddy)
5. Pelukan Mba Yaya dan Mama di subuh hari ulangtahunku (made my day!!)
6. Ucapan selamat ulang tahun dari Resal
7. Gelak tawa di angkot bareng anak-anak 7B di angkot
8. DVD-ing bareng anak-anak 7B


9. Teman-teman 7B!!

11. Algo in my birthday!


12. Menanti waktu buka puasa bareng teman-teman




13. Shalat maghrib bareng anak-anak 7B


14. Buka puasa bareng anak-anak 7B


15. Got red velvet cake and rainbow cake on my birthday; made by Auntie Estu!
16. Make a wish


17. FIREWORKS!




18. Laughter
19. Quality-time with my family
20. Got presents and sweet letter from Resal :)


Thank God for the blessing moments :)

Long time no post here ;)

It's been a month since i post my new entry here, and i admitted that i kinda miss blogging thing.
It's July! Well it'sthe 4th day since moslems and i started fasting. I spending my time with blogging, trying to forget the screaming of my hungry stomach. My throat feels thirsty. I ruined my fasting goal, i've breaked 3 days on it.

I'm a 8th grader now. Yeah, time's running so fast. I feel like, "whoa did i just wear my middle school uniform and sit on my new class at 7th grade?". I've met new people, i sit in my new class, i study with my new teachers. New people here, so different. My new teachers are unpredictable. Took a long time for me to realize that people's unique and different.

Good news, Mba Ajeng has been accepted at Psychology Unisba, which is the most thing she wanted. I already knew that be a psychologist is her dream since she was 12. Surprisingly, she rejected it. Well i thought she was throwing her dreams away, but know i now. People's decision change. Fikom Unpad was her last decision. Well, whatever you choose should be the best for you ;) Second news, Mba Yaya is upgraded her level on Fakultas Kedokteran Unisba. I have best sisters in the world.

They future is already prepared. Mba Ajeng would become a reporter or something like that, Mba Yaya would become a doctor in next years. So i looked at myself, "who do i wanna be?", "what i do in next 10 years?", "what career i will do? what job?".

It's a serious problem with me. What passion i do have? Well, i like to painting, and i'm good with it. I like math, i like music--but i'm not good with playing it, i like write journal. Make it simple. I do not have passion. I mean, something that i enjoy to do it. I don't have any ideal. That makes me feel like damn absurd. My friends have, but i have not. It's weird.

Until my mom told me about that. I have to find where is my passion. It's 5 years remaining til' i make the biggest decision in my life, my future. It has to be thinked from this time. Whatever i will do in my next 10 years, i promise i will be a successful person just like mum, dad, or my sisters.

Who knows what will happened in 10 next years?

Assalamu'alaikum :)
Ngaret sebulan buat ngepost tentang liburan aku kemaren. Butuh waktu untuk nyesuain diri lagi setelah liburan panjang, kembali ke rutinitas sehari-hari, jadi masih ngadat postnya :)
Langsung aja deh ya.
Tanggal 19-21 Desember kemaren kan classmeeting, lanjut pensi OMG! tanggal 22, dan finally, bagi rapor tanggal 23 Des. Guess what? I've got 3rd rank in my class!!! Woohooo! Rapornya cukup memuaskan, semoga aja semester 2 ini bisa lebih lebih lagi deh yaaa :D

Berhubung keesokan harinya au langsung berangkat, jadi selesai ambil rapor aku ngambil PR banyak dari kumon. Alhasil selama liburan itu aku bawa-bawa PR -___- (walaupun aku ngga yakin bakal selesai selama liburan karena bakal keasikan main). Sebenernya agak-agak ngga rela juga sih waktu liburan dipake buat ngerjain pr ;__; syedih bener.

Sampai akhirnya begitu sampai rumah, aku ingat aku belum packing sama sekali. Aku sama mama ngebut packing sampai jam 9 malem, lalu disuruh tidur mengingat aku harus bangun jam 2 pagi buat otw Soetta.

Jam 2 malem dibangunin, aku langsung jebar jebur mandi dan ganti baju yang hangat. Ditemenin mama sama Tante Ade, kita pergi ke host travelnya. Nunggu setengah jaman disana, akhirnya naik juga. Sebelumnya aku udah dikasih arahan berkali-kali mulai dari cara-cara check in sampe masuk pesawatnya. Di travel, aku duduk paling belakang berdua dengan kakek-kakek umur 60an gitu, tapi masih segar. Kita ngobrol banyak hal, dan beliau kaget begitu tau aku masih kelas 7 SMP (sempat nebak udah kuliah :p). Sampai akhirnya aku ketiduran dan begitu buka mata kakek di sebelah aku udah ngga ada, beliau udah turun duluan di Kelapa Gading.

Sampai Soetta, aku turun nentengin satu tas pundak dan ngegerek koper yang lumayan berat. Pertama-tama aku ke toilet dulu. Dan tahu ngga sih............ rasanya amajing banget bagi aku kesana kemari sendiri di bandara. Hahahahahahaudik. Lanjut ngisi perut di A&W, saat itu masih jam 6 pagi. Drrrrrt. Papa nelfon. Papa nanya aku udah check in apa belom, dan aku bilang aku lagi sarapan. Jadi setelah sarapan itu aku langsung ngantri buat check in.

Setelah melewati beberapa proses mulai dari pemeriksaan tiket, scanning x-ray barang bawaan, nuker tiket, bayar pajak dll, aku ngelanjutin sarapan lagi di El John Lounge (bener ga ya namanya?) gitu sekalian nunggu flight. 15 menit sebelum waktu flight, aku pergi ke gate B, tempat nunggu keberangkatannya. I've got 29F seat

Begitu naik pesawatnya aku langsung nyari bangku. Dan aku udah ngeliat beberapa kali, seat 29F ngga ada! Ngga mungkin kan aku salah pesawat -_- jadi aku tanya ke pramugarinya, dan aku disuruh tunggu sebentar. Katanya itu pesawat baru, jadi barisan kursinya beda dengan sebelumnya. 29F ngga ada. Bejejeng.

Suasana agak ribut disitu, soalnya ada penumpang yang marah-marah ngga jelas dan sempet cekcok sama petugasnya. Mungkin karena soal bangku juga. Akhirnya aku malah dapet duduk paling depan. Swt banget deh -__- dan akhirnya pesawat ke Banda Aceh take off juga :3 bismillahirrahmanirahiim. Selama di pesawat itu aku menggalau denger lagu Jet Lag karena jauh dari mama dan... ehm lupakan. Hahahaha ngga deng, aku ngga bener-bener galau karena itu. Aku galau gara-gara kebagian duduk di antara bapak-bapak yang pake minyak nyongnyong sampe bikin mual.

Pesawat tiba di bandara Sultan Iskandar Muda sekitar jam setengah 12. Ngga ada perbedaan waktu sih di Banda Aceh dengan di Jakarta, hanya suasananya telat satu jam kalo menurutku. Kalo di Jakarta jam 6 udah gelap, disini jam 6 masih terang kayak jam 5.
Papa udah nunggu di gerbang, nunggu aku yang lagi ngambil barang di conveyor. Jadi begitu di jemput kita istirahat sebentar sambil ngemil, lalu pulang ke rumah dinas Papa.

Di perjalanan, Papa nepiin mobil sebentar di sebuah taman. Aku salah. Itu bukan taman, tapi kuburan massal korban tsunami tahun 2006 lalu, ditumpuk disitu dan dijadikan taman seperti sedemikian rupa.

Dan kebetulan di kuburan tersebut ngga sepi banget, karena ada rombongan anak-anak panti asuhan yang juga lagi ziarah di makam tersebut. They looked at me unfriendly, mungkin karena aku ngga pakai kerudung. Setidaknya, pakaian yang pakai cukup sopan. Lalu papa minta mereka foto bareng denganku, buat kenang-kenangan. Begitu kutanya, rata-rata mereka anak SMP-SMA.


Lanjut perjalanan menuju rumah, tiba-tiba nemuin suatu objek langka. Di pertigaan jalan ada motor jualan pisang. Benar-benar di tengah jalan. Kalo di Jawa sih udah dimarahin kali ya yang punya.


Ngebet pengen jalan-jalan, selesai makan siang dan mandi, aku, Papa dan Om Tubi pergi ke Museum Tsunami. Tempat ini memang place-must-come di Banda Aceh.

Sebelum pintu masuk menuju museumnya, udah ada bangkai helikopter bekas tsunami gitu.


Ruangan pertama masuk, kita jalan di sebuah lorong gitu. Lorongnya ngga terlalu besar, panjang, diapit tembok tembok sangat tinggi yang dialiri air. Aku ngga berani sendiri. Ruangan ini horor banget, sumpah. Lantunan ayat Al Quran juga terdengar. Penerangannya yang memang sengaja dibuat remang-remang memang menggambarkan suasana tsunami. Di ruangan kedua, ada beberapa mesin gitu yang nampilin foto-foto tsunami.

Di ruangan yang ketiga ini memang paling horor dan 'beda' suasanya diantara ruangan lain. Kita masuk ke sebuah ruangan melingkar. Penerangannya hanya lampu kecil. Di temboknya terdapat daftar sebagian kecil nama-nama korban tsunami. Ruangan melingkar itu nggak berdinding langit datar, tapi terus melingar sampai tingiii sekali dan terdapat tulisan 'Allah' di dindingnya. Subhanallah sekali. Aku merinding berada di sana. Ruangan tersebut semakin berbeda atmosfernya, lantunan ayat Al Quran semakin terdengar jelas.

Kita melanjutkan perjalanan lagi, melewati lorong yang melingkar menanjak. Bedanya kali ini terang, karena cahaya matahari masuk. Sampai akhirnya keluar dari lorong dan ada jalan tanjakan gitu ke sebuah gedung yang beda dengan gedung yang tadi. Di dalam gedung itu masih banyak ruangan-ruangan lagi.


Dan aku baru sadar kalau museum tersebut dibangun dengan bentuk kapal.