can't wait to end this semester in another two months.
life has been such a never-ending roller coaster.
23 minutes is how long it takes for me to find a word that your kiss left me that evening.
it left me none.
except lots of feelings and.. more lots of feelings.
and in all of sudden, for the first time that i could remember,
i was emotionally naked.
and in all of sudden, for the first time that i could remember,
i was emotionally naked.
the thing about travelling
i don't travel much. truth be told, most of the time, i can't afford it by myself. but my mind sure does (travel). and when it comes to imagining, i'd like to add some great musics. whether it is the crowded jaipur, hecticness of shibuya crossing in the morning, or the magnificent jökulsárlón, there's always great music to accompany the wild mind of mine.
and here's mine.
1. Meridian - ODESZA
2. Ganja - Ooyy
3. Places We Don't Know - Kasbo
4. Starlight - Jai Wolf
5. Higher Ground (feat. Naomi Wild) - ODESZA
6. Rocketeer - Far East Movement
7. Always - Panama
8. Truth - Shallou
9. Reverie (feat. King Deco) - Illenium
10. Daydrean (feat. Joba) - Medasin
8. Truth - Shallou
9. Reverie (feat. King Deco) - Illenium
10. Daydrean (feat. Joba) - Medasin
as i'm growing older, i realized that being in a relationship isn't always about love and lust and happy things. i was so naive back then. took some time for me to understand that there are major differences between being in love and being in a relationship. being attached: it's about commitment, letting someone live into your boundaries and contribute in every decision you make in your life, to bear each other's vision, traits, lifestyle, perspective, and values. those things aren't always easy to be accepted. i was taught that the idea of being attached with someone is overrated; it's deliberating. people taught me how to avoid, refuse, or end a relationship; but nobody taught how to unlove and unfeel things.
list of things that make me feel alive:
- drowned by listening to great songs on headphone
- that silent moment where i feel peace and inspired kalo habis baca buku bagus. the last book i read: for one more day by mitch albom
- late night drive with good music. better be accompanied
- deep conversation
- compliments akan karya atau hasil kerja gue
- dapet foto bagus (REALLY SEBAHAGIA ITU)
- beli bunga
- lepas dari danusan
- tight hug
finally
finally
FINALLY
...a quite decent header. and it's not canva.
other people's success won't make you any less. it should make you strive for greatness.
bloom. on your path.
i'm sorry for moments where i'm unconciously (and conciously) being such a self-centered, complicated, unstable, moody, blunt, annoying, cold-hearted, bad person. truth is i'm still struggling to deal with my own mind and seeking peace out of it
just another random mirror selfie on my favorite place to hang out after school
when do you know very sure that you're in love; and how do you know that you actually love them, not with the idea of being with them?
as i am writing this, i'm beginning to think that everyone has their own special thing to share with their loved ones. i spend quite a lot of time to think about mine. some people i know would share their passwords, their deepest secrets, their songs, their favorite food's last bite, their dark past, or their weird intimate fantasies. i, on the other hand, think that the best/worse thing i could give to anyone i've fond of is.. space?
i happened to have a chance of getting out of responsibilities for the whole month and staying at home. my belovedddd home. and i just know i can't spending a whole frikkin' valuable month by doing nothing. so i just made a list of emergency intervention in case of boredom strikes.
- learn about gardening
- makin portfolios of my photographs
- nempel nempelin poster di dinding kamar biar gak bosenin
- making time capsule!! consist of some photos of friends & i, letters, valuable lil things, and hide it somewhere in my house
- write a letter to myself, 10 years from now
- kirim postcard lewat pos
- main ke kineruku
- main ke toko buku
- ngelukis lagi
- coba main piano lagi
- buka buka lemari di rumah. just because; kadang ada barang barang bagus yang kesembunyi
- learn how to sew
- lari sore di brigif
- shop for homeware supplies
- dengerin podcast
- shop flowers
sometimes the best thing in life you (or i) can get is as simple as having some space of my own. not seeing people. not talking to people. being gone for awhile. staying in my bedroom, wearing my favorite old t-shirt and boxer, listening to Generationals and The Radio Dept, re-reading my old books or rewatching classic movies, mumbling and dancing awkwardly without anybody watching.
i wish i could rewind some particular nights. as for me, those nights mostly consist of late-night driving sessions. post-concert & nasgor kambing bareng dida, post-camden dan gultik bareng nisa lini tania arin, kedampar nyetir tanpa arah nungguin kakak gue lembur buat balik ke bandung bareng ivan, post-tragedi nenek bareng cupang (temen-temen SMA gue), balik ke bandung dan kejebak macet sampe pagi yang dihabisin dengan full karaoke melly goeslaw bareng lita & salsa, dan yang paling recent, kedampar sampe pagi di pondok indah post-avenger&taichan bareng damar & having 4am convos dari perkara idup sampe ngomongin episode warkop dki mana yang paling seru. those little things are things worth repeated. even mumbling to the songs on the tape feels more fun and different than usual... atau perasaan gue aja sih. mungkin itu juga yang bikin gue lebih seneng balik ke bandung malem hari, walaupun gue cuma sendiri. late-night driving alone for me is a great time to contemplate and think about things or just simply another way to have a me-time session. when it comes to late night-drive, i have a particular playlist consist of songs which i consider ENAK BANGET DAN BEDA AJA RASANYA kalo didengerin malem-malem pas lagi nyetir! and because i'm such a generous person i'd like to share my late-night drive playlist :)
1. 13 - Lany
2. Crowded Places - Banks
3. Let Me - Zayn
4. Nobody - Leisure, Goldlink
5. You Should Know - Samuel Larsen
6. Melebur Semesta - Sal Priadi
7. High and Dry - Radiohead
8. Something Good Can Work - Two Door Cinema Club
9. True Love - Elephant Kind
10. Find - Shallou, Kasbo
11. Your Shirt - Chelsea Cutler
12. For You To Be Here - Tom Rosenthal
13. Home - Bruno Major
14. It Ain't Wrong Loving You - Honne
15. Sleepover - Hayley Kiyoko
16. Shore - Daniela Andrade
17. Fools - Troye Sivan
18. Sink In - Amy Shark
19. iT's YoU - Zayn
20. Previous - Kevin Garrett
21. Elisa's Theme - Alexander Desplat
we continue to pick the wrong path, taste the wrong love, cause pain to other people, make wrong decisions, break our own hearts a couple of times, ruin our lives --to finally find our way back home,
where it's safe
where we can walk around naked
no wonder if TIME health & huffpost said instagram is the worst social media for people with mental health. we're forced to see perfect things; perfect skinny body, perfect white skin, perfect hair, #relationshipgoals, #nofilter filtered selfies, and other bunch of hashtags. instagram made us see only good, pretty, beautiful things that we try to dig in others' flaws, gak sadar kadang hal-hal kecil begitu yang bikin kita numbuhin kebencian di hati kita sendiri. we are, unconsciously, creating our own demons. comparing ourselves with those unrealistic standards. not letting ourselves to feel content. ignoring the fact that life itself is not full of pretty things. even for some people, life is already hell.
Perhaps life itself is messy, complicated and exhausting. But, hey, it doesn't cost anything to imagine a beautiful one. Each of us have our own version of utopia. Mine would be:
be able to feel comfortable with my father.
The fact that time flies so fast, both scares me and soothes me at the same time.
IT RUNS TOO FAST, JUST IN A BLINK OF AN EYE. Di twitter dan snapgram adik kelas gue isinya lagi pada heboh karena besok pengumuman SNMPTN. Shock banget karena udah pengumuman aja... berarti udah setahun sejak gue lepas dari SMA. It always seems like i just got here, kebingungan & figuring out my college life (masih figuring out sih sebenernya sampe sekarang). Secepet itu berlalu, tau-tau mungkin tanpa sadar gue ntar nulis di sini udah nyandang gelar sarjana ((HUHU semoga masih jadi calon sarjana hukum ya bukan sarjana danus!!))
BUT IT SOOTHES ME THOUGH. Artinya semua beban tugas, ujian dan kegiatan-kegiatan berikut kepanitian blackhole ini ujungnya bakal berakhir juga. Artinya bakal cepet libur. Cepet semester baru. Cepet nyelesain hal-hal yang belom diselesain.Cepet kuliah. Cepet lulus. Cepet kerja. Cepet settling down. Cepet nikah... mungkin?
Tapi, kenapa juga hidup harus cepet-cepet?
Time; what is it meant to be? To be enjoyed or to be rushed?
It was a late night drive after the concert. Truth be told, he couldn't care less about the Tchaikovsky nor the Max Reger. He grew up listening to Muse and Red Hot Chili Peppers. Nonetheless, he didn't mind at all spending the whole night listening to not-so-his kind-of-music as long as she was there; and to know that she was very delighted.
"Thank you," she said, throwing a smile "i know it's not your cup of tea."
He blew his cigarettes out through the window and turned his head, "The music? Nope. But you are."
He blew his cigarettes out through the window and turned his head, "The music? Nope. But you are."
Her cheek faintly blushing. It's weird that they had been together for a while, yet she still find it's hard to control herself in front of him. The butterflies had never left, at all.
He stroked her hair gently while his other hand caught up with the steering wheel. "I have a theory about you."
"Me?"
"I believe you have been hiding a secret power."
She chuckled, "I wish i had one though, like the Sailormoon."
"Whoever Sailormoon is, i guess she or he doesn't have one like yours."
Still, his fingers were busy stroking her hair. Little did he know, it was her favorite gesture of him.
"Uh huh? What is it?"
"You make other people capable to do things. That's your secret power. I'd probably nonchalantly turn on my earphone during the concert, listening to Thirty Seconds to Mars or something; or fallen asleep; or worse, walked myself out-- if it were not because of you. I'd switch the radio station, if it were not because of you mumbling and enjoying those weird rap songs. I'd probably never pick Big Hero 6 over Interstellar on the cinema, if it were not because of you getting crazy over Baymax. I'd probably never have a willing to visit the museum we went last week, if it were not because of you; who happened to be a history junkie --and i wanted to make you happy. Also.. I believe i wouldn't even dare to take the risk.. to share this very little space of my introverted self to anyone-- again, if it were not because of you.
You made me capable to do things. "
"Me?"
"I believe you have been hiding a secret power."
She chuckled, "I wish i had one though, like the Sailormoon."
"Whoever Sailormoon is, i guess she or he doesn't have one like yours."
Still, his fingers were busy stroking her hair. Little did he know, it was her favorite gesture of him.
"Uh huh? What is it?"
"You make other people capable to do things. That's your secret power. I'd probably nonchalantly turn on my earphone during the concert, listening to Thirty Seconds to Mars or something; or fallen asleep; or worse, walked myself out-- if it were not because of you. I'd switch the radio station, if it were not because of you mumbling and enjoying those weird rap songs. I'd probably never pick Big Hero 6 over Interstellar on the cinema, if it were not because of you getting crazy over Baymax. I'd probably never have a willing to visit the museum we went last week, if it were not because of you; who happened to be a history junkie --and i wanted to make you happy. Also.. I believe i wouldn't even dare to take the risk.. to share this very little space of my introverted self to anyone-- again, if it were not because of you.
You made me capable to do things. "
She smiled.
"And i'm excited to see other things you'll make me capable of."
One of the perks of having a blog is; kita bisa nge-rewind waktu dan keinget lagi sama hal-hal detail dari sebuah kejadian yang kita ceritain.
Nah jadi gue habis ngescroll postan lama gue dan bacain satu-satu dengan berujung ketawa-ketawa sendiri karena... fak gue alay banget!!! HAHAHAHA. Makin jauh gue ngescroll muka gue makin cringe bacanya :(
(tapi udah gitu laptopnya diambil lagi)
Tadi gue nemuin post ini dan nyariin mana part 2-nya. Turns out gue emang nggak pernah ngelanjutin series postan ini. Daaan kebetulan karena gue ngerasa bahagia banget hari iniii, i intended to make another one! Yuhu.
Hari ini hari sabtu dan gue lagi nggak ada kegiatan apapun di FH. Mau balik ke bandung pun
Off we gooo!
Gue berangkat dari Stasiun UP dan turun di Stasiun Jakarta Kota. Di sepanjang perjalanan, gue duduk di seberang bapak-bapak yang lagi mangku anak perempuannya yang masih kecil. Dia manjaiiin banget anaknya (bukan manjain as in spoiling her), bisik-bisik ke anaknya (kayaknya sesuatu yang lucu gitu) sampe anaknya yang polos ketawa puas banget, trus anaknya doyan nyolekin muka bapaknya kalo dia ketiduran, trus ketawa lagi. Nggak tau kenapa gue seneng banget liatnyaa.. dan ingetnya pun bikin hati gue warm banget sampe sekarang. That girl is so lucky though, not everyone has any precious memories like that.
Second thing that made me happy today; ada sekumpulan bocah di gerbong gue yang polos dan excited banget liat monas dari jendela! I'm not good with kids, tapi gue seneng ngeliat kepolosan anak-anak dan reaksi-reaksi pricelessnya. Enak banget ya jadi anak kecil? Even things such as monas, airplane, or new toys could amaze them. It's funny to think how we, grown ups, (most of the times) are no longer getting amazed by things, but by labels. Ngeliat kepolosan mereka getting excited over monas tuh semacam mengingatkan gue bahwa: happiness used to be such an easy thing to find.
Gue sampe Stasiun Jakarta Kota kira-kira jam 1 siang dan PANASNYA GILA. Tapiii gue seneng banget karena di jalan menuju museum gue nemu abang-abang jualan es krim durian dan bandros... (HUHUHU kangen bandros banget sumpeh) so i stopped by dan ganyem dulu sebelum masuk museum!! Hehe. Beres ngemil, gue lanjut ke Museum Sejarah Jakarta. Terharu banget karena gak cuma murah tapi juga terawat banget dan bersih. Ruangan dan koleksinya banyak. Another thing that makes me happy; tadi di museum gue ngeliat kakek-nenek lagi nge-date dan mereka gemes bangettt... making jokes & laughing into each others dan terlihat sangat sangat menikmati momen.
The next stop was Museum Wayang. Menurut gue museum ini less attractive daripada Museum Sejarah Jakarta. Ada beberapa ruangan yang cahayanya kurang banget, trus sirkulasinya aneh gitu. Di sini gue paling suka liat wayang si kancil, miniatur Si Unyil dan boneka-boneka dari luar negeri (WKWKW SORI).
Keluar dari Museum Wayang gue gapunya tujuan lagi, udah capek dan haus juga. Tadinya mo langsung ngadem gitu di coffee shop deket situ, eh terussss gue ngelewatin sebuah tenda yang ternyata adalah pop-up free library! Tempatnya biasa aja sebenernya, cuma tenda biasa, ada kursi, dan ada rak buku di sudutnya. Bukunya nggak banyak, kebanyakan buku seputar sejarah Jakarta. Sejujurnya nggak ada yang spesial dari tempatnya; tapi gue senenggg banget tau ada orang yang berintensi buat bikin perpustakaan kecil gratis, tempat siapa aja bisa baca buku, di tempat kayak gini. Di situ ada kakek-kakek sama abang-abang lagi baca buku juga. Gue nyempetin dulu baca satu buku; Antologi Puisi Dani.
Tempat terakhir yang gue singgahi adalah Warung Umak. Kenapa gue kesini? Karena ada tulisannya di luar kalo dia jual pempek, dan gue kebetulan banget udah lama gak makan pempek. Hehe. Jadiii gue mengakhiri perjalanan gue dengan makan pempek, ngopi, dan duduk duduk gabut kecapean di sini. Btw pas gue kesini, golden hournya cantik banget dan nembus ke sebagian dalem ruangan (yang jadi alesan kenapa gue duduk di pojok sebelah jendela situ).
Things to be happy today? Banyak. Gue puas akan tindakan impulsif gue pergi ke Kota Tua sendiri, rewarding myself some me-time. Gue agak nggak paham kenapa banyak orang nganggep jalan-jalan sendiri tuh aneh. Menurut gue, kadang jalan-jalan sendiri bisa bikin kita berkontemplasi dan lebih ngenalin diri kita sendiri. Gue juga bisa lebih merhatiin hal-hal kecil yang mungkin sering luput ketika gue lagi bareng orang lain. Or prolly it just simply feeds my introverted soul.
Perhaps another city-strolling won't be that much longer! :)
by Christopher Lai via Huffington Post
Let’s say that a man and a woman are friends. They have known each other for a while and nothing has ever happened between them. By “nothing,” they mean that they’ve never kissed.
The chemistry between them is palpable and they’ve been in situations where he could have made a move but he did not. And she recognizes this and respects him for it. She knows that his intentions are ostensibly pure.
She may or may not find him attractive, but it doesn’t matter. He’s a good guy and she likes talking to him. And even if he’s cute, she’s not interested in him like that. Or so she thinks.
On the flip side, he thinks that she is sexy. He’d love to go out for drinks, take her back to his place, inch closer to her on the couch. But she’s made it clear that she’s not looking for a relationship or she’s already in a committed one. He’s a respectful guy and completely understands. He’s been placed in the friend zone but he’s not bitter about being there. In fact, he embraces the opportunity. He continues to message her because she’s a cool chick.
And, honestly, when a hot girl messages you, it’s impossible to ignore her. Especially when she’s a nice person.
Because of his sincerity, she’s comfortable enough to share her secrets with him. Stuff that she’s not willing to tell her significant other, perhaps because he is not quite as understanding. Or maybe, it’s bad stuff about her boyfriend. And you know what, it doesn’t matter how independent a woman is—when her boyfriend messes up, she needs someone to talk to. More specifically, she needs to talk to a friend, someone she can trust.
Similarly, when his girlfriend is acting up, he will need an outlet. He’ll need someone to be there for him. And you know what’s remarkable... he’s willing to have an emotional conversation... knowing that things won’t get intimate. Over time, he became the Michael Jordan of the friend zone. He’s not going to make a move because he doesn’t want to jeopardize the friendship. It means too much to him.
Typically, women tend to be drawn to guys with good personalities. Yeah, of course, looks play a part. But as she continues to laugh uncontrollably at his corny jokes, as she continues to turn to him for his advice, as she continues to feel secure in his presence, she will begin to let down her guard.
On the other hand, men tend to be drawn to women who look good. He was first attracted to her because she had sex appeal but as he got to know her more and more—she became beautiful. Controlling his feelings will become that much more difficult. And when he is vulnerable, he’s no longer in control.
The truth is, they may never do anything physical in life. They may never cross the line. But a relationship can never be truly platonic if you have to set up boundaries. A relationship can never be truly platonic if you have to adjust your feelings. A relationship can never truly be platonic if you have to pretend that you are happy with the way things really are...when deep down—you want something more.
And for some friends, they may eventually cross the line. Because, ultimately, we are human.
Disclaimer: If there is absolutely no physical attraction between a male and female, then, I would say, it is possible that they can truly share a platonic relationship. But once a man is attracted to a woman; or the woman is attracted to the man; or both are attracted to each other—the relationship cannot and will never be platonic.
You can, however, pretend that it is platonic. And for some people, this is good enough.
cups of coffees (or red bull, sometimes), post-it(s), highlighters, pen (i rarely have pens though), midnight snacks and junk food.
hola, midterm test!
Sometimes happiness is as simple as having quality time with someone.
Or maybe it's as simple as witnessing the blue sky.
p.s: close enough to Call Me by Your Name poster?
since when do we need someone in order to be happy?
this question popped at me a few years ago:
if you ever have to choose whether to be a big fish in a small pond or to be a small fish in a big pond; what would you choose?
ever since i go to college, i came into realization and finally get to know the answer.
this pond, where i live right now, is a huge one. and there are lots, and lots of big fish. being a small one might be hard at the beginning, and it's just getting harder everyday. every big fish around me made me nothing but constantly look down on myself. deep down, i know, it's not the right thing to do. being around great people supposedly make me strive and thrive for greatness. instead, i was just complaining, letting that wicked part of my mind shrinking myself down to the bottom. it took me long enough to realize i just wasted my time by letting the idea of myself living in a mediocrity indoctrinate me. all i did was constantly comparing myself with other people, instead of just accepting the way i am; and giving myself the opportunity to slowly making progress on my own path.
this proved me how powerful the negative mind is. and how toxic it is to our mind, to our mental health, to our life.
it seemed like i just woke up.
take a step back to the question,
if you ever have to choose whether to be a big fish in a small pond or to be a small fish in a big pond; what would you choose?
take a step back to the question,
if you ever have to choose whether to be a big fish in a small pond or to be a small fish in a big pond; what would you choose?
it's not going to be easy. in fact, it would be a hard, difficult path. but in order to grow up, i need to choose to be a small fish in a big pond.
Halo. Ini hari keempat gue di Depok setelah menghabiskan hampir dua bulan liburan semester di Bandung.
Lalu sekarang gue mulai kangen Bandung...
Though i used to hate the city, the people, the weather.
Kelamaan liburan bikin gue demotivasi kuliah. Mood gue masih terselip di antara sesi ngopi sore di Mr. Guan bareng Cynti minggu lalu. Masih juga keselip di antara sesi foto random bareng Rasyid, Hani, Tuti, dan Olin di Tahura. Sisa-sisanya ketinggalan di kantin SMA 2, di kamar mama, dan di Kineruku.
Setelah hampir dua bulan terlepas dari kehidupan kuliah yang seinget gue terakhir kali sangatlah stressful (yaiyalah halo uas), terus balik lagi dan mulai kuliah lagi, i've been dealing with my own thoughts. Nggak tau kenapa all these thoughts tentang keberadaan gue di sini, tujuan gue, dan hal-hal lain mulai ngusik banget. Is this the place where i really belong? Is this what i really wanted to do? Most importantly, kenapa sih gue selalu mempertanyakan hal-hal kayak gini setiap kali gue memulai sesuatu? Like i was never sure of myself. Like i always doubt my decision. Waktu gue SMP, gue selalu bilang ga betah. Eh ternyata betah banget sampai pas masuk SMA, gue bilang masa SMA sucks abis, benci SMA, ngerasa nggak fit in, ngerasa gak nyaman. Begitu gue lulus SMA, gue baru sadar masa SMA gue seru banget, so great that i'd repeat those times twice (kalo bisa. tapi ya gabisa). Trus sekarang gue kuliah dan jiwa gue masih ketinggalan di SMA, masih ketinggalan di Bandung. I feel it's hard for me to have peace with my own mind, to live the life that i have right now without looking back to the past. I've done repeating "ini hidup lo yang sekarang loh, cha. jalanin yang sekarang sehidup-hidupnya elo, jangan dikit-dikit ngebalik ke belakang" several times but it's just so.. hard? Like it's keep coming back into my thoughts.
Do you know why people like violence? It is because it feels good. Humans find violence deeply satisfying. But remove the satisfaction, and the act becomes... hollow.
fall in love level: jamming sheila on 7's songs on my bed room, dancing solo crazily
DON'T YOU LOVE IT WHEN U GOT NOTICEDDDDDDD
i love listening to music. i think music has a great power to change people or situation. it bonds us together, it alters emotion, it delivers feelings, it builds a certain vibe. i think music isn't just simply affects our brain, it affects our lives too. there's gotta be a particular song that makes us feel a certain way. and this one, never fails to make me feel so alive. since 2010.
Troye's new song blew my mind off and i can't help it but re-watching and re-listening it for thousand times. And i always love the way he dance.
don't know what to do at the moment. writing about my current favs instead.
1. The End of the F***ing World
Ini gapenting, but before it was hype, gue nonton dari hari pertama premiere di Netflix! Bukan karena trailernya yang emang 'ngundang' orang-orang buat nonton film ini, tapi karena ada Alex Lawther! Gue obsessed sama Alex Lawther ever since dia main jadi Alan Turing kecil di The Imitation Game (aka my fav movieeee all time setelah Interstellar).
 |
| young alan turing and christopher |
His british accent on The Imitation Game kinda turned me on though... and it didn't change at all on this series! It's quite hard to describe him. He's creepy, cold, weird, and pretty... and handsome. Let's just say him pretty handsome shall we (because why not both)? As for Alyssa, she and her selfish traits kinda annoyed me! Tapi kalo gak selfish, impulsif dan kompleks, it wouldn't make her character as bold as she is right now. Hal lain yang gue suka dari film ini selain cast dan characternya adalah plotnya yang cukup unik, dan sinematografinya yang aesthetically pleasing! There's sort of vintage vibes in the movie that quite reminds me of Tarantino's movies.
However, TEOTFW would be a nice try for your easy sunday movie, though.
Another tv series yang lagi gue tonton: Black Mirror, Dear White People, Freaks and Geeks, dan How to Get Away with the Murderer.
2. Currently watching several TV Shows
Akhirnya ga US Masterchef dan America's Next Top Model lagi, haha. Gue suka banget nonton The Amazing Race, Beauty and the Geek, Little Big Shots (dan baru tau ada versi Indo-nya juga
Semenjak rajin nonton tv shows ini, cita-cita gue adalah ikutan The Amazing Race.
...
Next. Beauty and the Geek. TV shows Australia ini udah lama sebenernyaaa. Dulu gue nonton di TV tapi ga selesai. Jujur sebenernya gue ga suka-suka banget sama tv show ini karena somehow begitu offending dan menggeneralisasi beauty as smart dan nerd as ugly. Acara ini juga drama banget kayak The Bachelor. Tapi gue seneng aja ngeliat makeover nerds-nya yang asalnya culun (gatau beneran culun atau dibuat penampilannya seperti itu. kayaknya sih... sengaja) jadi ganteng. One person that amazed me was Gilbert, dari B&G season 3. In case you're wondering, coba deh liat di youtube. This TV show is not my fav, tapi boleh lah kalo lagi bosen dan butuh nonton sesuatu yang light.
Ada kesamaan di antara Little Big Shots dan Child Genius, yaitu nunjukin anak-anak kecil yang hebat. Little Big Shots bikin gue kagum sama anak-anak kecil yang talented abis, jokesnya Steve Harvey lucu, dan yaah.. entertaining. Meanwhile nonton Child Genius bikin gue ikut stres ngeliat bocah bocah yang born as a genius berkompetisi satu sama lain, dicekokin pelajaran dan dipaksa aiming highest scores as if it's the only thing that matters. Tapi ya bikin gue kagum (sekaligus ngerasa debu) juga nontonnya.
Another tv show yang gue suka banget nontonnya adalah Unique Sweets & Guilty Pleasures . SOOO PLEASING & MOUTH-WATERING NONTONNYA. And it's funny how the hosts are so dramatic and hilarious while describing the foods.
Last but not least gue lagi suka nonton The Story of God-nya Morgan Freeman. Bisa ditonton di National Geographic, basically acara ini nunjukin perjalanannya Morgan Freeman keliling dunia buat belajar berbagai agama dan nyari eksistensi Tuhan. So insightful.
3. I created a Youtube channel
Impulsivity. Isinya cuma video iseng yang gue buat dan playlist sih. Tapi boleh laah mampir trus like atau subscribe? Type my name, okkk. Or simply click this link.
4. I'm beginning to run again
Back then in junior high school, terutama kelas 9, gue sukaaa banget lari dan olah raga di rumah. Seminggu bisa beberapa kali. School made me do it sih sebenernya. Di SMP gue selalu ada ujian lari dan kalo ga lulus batas waktu minimal bakal disuruh remedial (dan lari ulang, sigh) jadi mau ga mau harus latihan lari. Lama kelamaan jadi rutin. Tapi begitu masuk SMA dan PE-nya nggak begitu 'serius' gitu, itungannya gue ga pernah olah raga selama SMA wkwkw yang ada malah mabal atau cule lari bareng sama Ami. On this holiday semester, i'm forcing my body to run and do sports again. Sedih banget badan gue langsung sakit sakittt huhu karena sejarang itu olah raga. Tapi gapapa for the healthier me!!! (major reason-nya sih sebenernya karena baju-baju gue udah sempit dan pada gak muat.... hehehehe. Bye.).
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| RUN FORREST RUN |
my life is a paradox. i often found two contrast sides on everything i do, or feel.
i don't like kids in general. i just happened to have a thought that kids are simply not everyone's cup of tea. as in for me, i don't like kids when they cry, when they're getting cranky about things, or how most of them are so clumsy on everything. it's weird though, how i don't really like kids, whereas i was once a kid, too. my sister said wanting to have kids is not yet such a deal for my age. well, that's quite rational and acceptable though. but, seeing the fact that i don't like kids, meantime i already imagined my future babies' names, is a paradox. and it comes with plural, okay? names, not name. both boys' and girls', the first, the second even the third. geez. last week there was this viral video on the internet about a poor kid, being abused by his parents and i cried so hard in my room, feeling sorry. watching that video made me feel two things. i want to have kids; so i can pour out all my affection to him, things the previous abused kid didn't have. meantime, i'm afraid to have kids; i'm scared seeing the fact that right now i can't stand by near any kids (and kids don't like me too), and i'm scared that i'm not capable enough to be a decent parent. i also thought it's such a paradox how the world works. there are many people that is struggling to have kids or getting pregnant, yet the number of assholes who just simply don't deserve kids are easily given kids. i see kids are blessings who need to be cherished. but having them.. is a hard work, it's a big deal that need to be considered. kids are cute sometimes, kids aren't most of the times. for now.
the way that i fall in love is just so strange. the way i figure it out, i always seek for ways to be around my crush. but when i do, i don't want to be anywhere near him. not seeing my crush makes me anxious, being near him makes my stomach hurts that i don't want to be with him. i wanted to act normally, talk normally, and look normally, but i always ended up getting too nervous to start a casual talk and naturally being a bitch who doesn't talk a lot. i want him to know me as a whole, but i also want him to see me as if i'm cool. tee hee. i want him to notice me, but i also don't want to be noticed cause it makes me busy thinking the way i look and the way i talk and the way i act and everything and that's make me not the way i am. few days ago he was offering a ride and i said no, when i wanted to say yes so much. i want to love. i don't want to fall.
i enjoy solitude... among the crowds. that's why i often hang out by myself on the mediocre-crowd coffee shops. i hate crowds, but i hate being alone in my solitude.
i'd like being noticed. i don't want to be exposed.
want to change. don't want things to change.
one day i feel empty. the next day i feel fulfill, alive.
i'd like being noticed. i don't want to be exposed.
want to change. don't want things to change.
one day i feel empty. the next day i feel fulfill, alive.
"Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. So anyone who's in love gets sad when they think of their lover. It's like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven't seen in a long time."
- Haruki Murakami, on Kafka on the Shore.
why is it so hard to feel content and enough of ourselves?
who would ever thought a song about sex could be so deeply, emotionally attaching?
p.s: i prefer the soundcloud version
unconsciously, we were alterating
unwittingly, the more we tried; the messier it got
unstoppably, was how we were into each other; til distance happened
uncanny, how us is no longer you and i
this morning, rain, and an impulsive road trip
