Syifa: Hasna itu ih mama gimana?
Hasna: gapapa kok.. tadinya ke sekolah jemput mo ke jogja
Aku: hah ke jogja? baju dan blablablanya udah disiapin? (mikir hasna ditinggal dan ga ikut ke jogja gegara ada acara sama kita)
Hasna: *diem lama* ...Yogya cimahi cha...
Aku: ngek
adalah ketika mau naro minuman ke kulkas, tapi yang dimasukin malah hp, ga sadar.
akhirnya riweuh nyari hp kesana kesini. begoooo.
i do understand that blogspot wasn't made for microblogging like twitter... but because it's mine, i decided to not care.
besok hari pertama UAS :')
Pengen ngakuin sesuatu yang mungkin sounds embarassing, yang tapi menurut feeling gue sih, kayaknya gue bakal legaaaaa banget kalo mau ngakuinnya.
Oke.
1...2...3
Gue kesepian.
....kemudian ada backsound galau.
Iyeeeee seriusan gue kesepian, tapi gaboleh pada ketawa!! Sampah emang.
Kenapa gue malu ngakuinnya.. yaaa.. mungkin karena di jaman sekarang 'kesepian' selalu dikorelasiin sama kejombloan seseorang or stuffs related to relationship. Orang-orang langsung nyangkutin kesepian sama kejombloan. Haha emang orang yang jadian udah pasti ga ngerasa kesepian? (ternyata iya) (ternyata gue doang dulu kek gitu) (fak). Padahal kesepian versi gue di sini bukan kesepian karena gak punya pacar ato apalah itu yang berhubungan sama cinta cintaan. Kesepian gue.. more like coming from my daily activities.
Makin kesini gue jadi ngerti gimana rasanya jadi anak tunggal. Gue inget duluuu pas gue kecil, tiap kali berantem sama kakak-kakak gue, pasti gue suka mikir kepengen jadi anak tunggal aja. Enak, gak berantem sama kakak, gak usah rebut-rebutan channel tv, rebutan ayam yang paling gede, rebutan sepatu, dimanja pula! Walaupun mungkin kakak-kakak gue juga dulu mikirnya 'kenapa gue harus punya adek gak tau malu bin gak tau diri kayak dia?'. Emang bener ya 'you'll miss it when it's gone' tuh.
Kedua kakak gue udah pada gede, udah pada dewasa, lagi mengejar mimpi masing-masing. They are on the way for their dreams. Yang satu lagi sibuk-sibuknya co-ass, jarang pulang gegara jaga malem di rumah sakit, pulang-pulang cuma buat tidur (karena bagi dia sekarang, dapet day-off bener-bener the only chance to get rest. kasian banget dia ye), but i can see that she's enjoying it. That's her passion. She's living her dream.. sekolah kedokteran emang udah jadi mimpi dia banget sejak SMA. Waktu dia kelas 3 SMA, gue masih SD sekitar kelas 5an. Dia yang SMA-nya di Cimahi rela-relain pulang sekolah jam 3-makan di mobil-bimbel di Bandung sampe malem. Mendekati UN malah sampe jam 10an. Gue selalu ikut ibu nganter-jemput dia les. Gue inget dulu pas dia gak keterima di FK unpad, dia galau abis sampe nangis tiap hari, males makan, nangis diem-diem di balkon, lemah, lesu, letih lunglai butuh sangobion pokoknya gak semangat idup. Sampe akhirnya dia nemu jalan lain buat nerusin mimpinya.. walaupun beda uni, bukan unpad. Dia ngejalanin kuliah dan segala tetek-bengeknya dengan sepenuh hati. Glad to see you happy with your choice, Sis. Sekarang dia lagi bingung ingin milih speliasisasi apa.. she said that she really likes obgyn very much, like, it's her passion. But mum doesn't approve. Whatever it's gonna be, gue berharap dan selalu berdoa dia bakal sukses masa depannya, dan ngegratisin gue kalo berobat di dia. Yaiyeslah ya.
Yang kedua juga sama. Sibuk banget. Sibuk seminar (kayak prep skripsi gitu, iya bukan sih? cmiiw), tugas kuliah, liputan, magang di media.. sekalinya pulang ke rumah kerjanya ngebo sampe siang. Tapi kali ini udah dua bulan dia gak pulang, sibuk sibuk dannn sibuk. Sama kayak Mbak Yaya, dia juga passionate banget dengan bidang kuliahnya sekarang. She's a fighter. Dulu waktu SMA dia ditentang banget mau masuk fikom. Orangtua setujunya dia masuk hukum. Tapi dia ga pernah nyerah & selalu bisa mertahanin keinginan dan pendapatnya. Emang udah passion dia sih, makanya dia fight for it banget. Kalo gue bisa gak ya..
Sehari-hari di rumah rasanya sepi banget. Cuma gue berdua sama ibu. Papa cuma pulang pas weekend. Bahkan untuk 3 minggu kedepan beliau pun nggak pulang karena dapet tugas abroad. Kakak gue dua-duanya sibuk. Pulang gak nentu. Gue pengen main lama juga suka mikir dua kali, kasian ibu gue sendiri.
Gini ya, rasanya 'jauh' dari keluarga?
Gue nggak yakin semua orang ngerasain kayak gini atau guenya aja yang terlalu family-oriented. Karena gue dekat banget sama kedua kakak gue.. sedeket itu. Dan sekarang giliran kita 'kepisah' oleh kesibukan masing-masing, di rumah gue jadi nggak punya temen buat curhat gila-gilaan, buat nonton bareng, buat rebutan kulit ayam (haha apaan banget), buat berantem.. Gak kebayang gimana lebih kesepiannya orangtua gue nanti--ditinggal anak-anaknya berkeluarga.
Saking sepinya tiap hari gue tidur bareng mama di kamarnya. Begitu weekend papa pulang, gue 'terpaksa' tidur di atas sendiri di kamar Mba Yaya.. suka mikir & ngerasa kesepian. Seharusnya gue malem ini tidur ngampar bak ikan teri bareng kalian sempit-sempitan. Walaupun kamar di atas ada tiga, kita pasti tidur bareng. Harusnya malem minggu kayak gini (itupun kalo kalian lagi gak malmingan), kita lagi ngerumpi di atas ngetawain hal-hal konyol, baca koleksi komik kita (yang walaupun udah dibaca berkali-kali), nonton film bareng, ato makan malem bareng. Nggak kayak sekarang, nonton, makan, tidur, sendirian. Bingung gue, gaada temen buat ngobrol, ato sekedar iseng ngomentarin film, ngehebohin aktor ganteng yang lagi gue tonton saat itu, ato ngomong betapa-enaknya-pecel-lele-yang-lagi-gue-kunyah itu ke siapa. Kangen "Sya, makan bareng yuk di bawah", atau "Sya temenin pipis" tengah malem. Langka banget momen itu sekarang.
Sekarang kita dipisahin jarak. Dipisahin kesibukan masing-masing. Dipisahin mimpi masing-masing yang lagi kita kejar. Mungkin kalian juga kadang ngerasa kesepian. But hey, nothing worth comes easy, dan mungkin jarak adalah bayarannya. Gue selalu mendoakan & mendukung kalian. Gue sayaaang banget sama kalian dan kalian nggak pernah berhenti bikin gue bangga. Someday we'll be on top together. Yang satu jadi dokter spesialis (mata? kulit? atau mungkin pada akhirnya obgyn? gak tahu), yang satu jadi editor-in-chief majalahnya sendiri (as your wish), yang satu jadi... orang sukses di bidang yang jadi passionnya. I just knew, kesepian gue sekarang pasti gak ada apa-apanya dibanding rasa bangganya gue sama mimpi kalian yang udah tercapai nanti. Because your happiness are also mine.. dan gue tau kita bakal spend time bareng-bareng lagi kayak dulu. Karena sejauh apapun jaraknya, suatu saat pasti kita bakal pulang ke rumah.. dan kita sama-sama tau kalo keluarga adalah rumah kita.
Untuk Mba Ajeng dan Mba Yaya, yang lagi di tengah jalan merealisasikan mimpi masing-masing.
i think maybe it'd be a great yet simple idea to spend hours in the ride, with someone right, with a view like this, and in all of a sudden the radio would play layur's song, hans zimmer's, or maybe songs that we agreed to be 'ours'. you'd be driving; not too fast nor too slow--with your right hand, because your left one would be holding into mine. we might contemplate about anything we could've think; about those rough day we've been through, about tomorrow, or about us. it'd be silence for a moment, but not quiet. somehow or another, silence seems speak so much more than words. we'd be skygazing, and contemplate, a lot. we'd have a little faith, a little hope that maybe the bleeding sun in the west horizon we view is hiding something better for tomorrow. we'd knew, that there's always another day and we still got plenty of chances.
menurutku, hujan itu indah sekali!
ia adalah pemersatuku dengan ibu;
karena entah kenapa--mungkin efek kemagisannya,
hujan membuatku dan ibu memilih untuk berlama-lama di dalam selimut, diiringi canda ria, buah kontemplasi, cerita kehidupan, sekadar berbagi pelukan hangat.
hujan itu indah!
lihat, bahkan genangan air pada aspal pun --lagi-lagi karena kemagisannya, tampak layaknya konstelasi yang menghiasi galaksi.
mungkin metafora, atau bahkan hiperbola
tapi yang pasti, ia indah, magis, dan romantis.
tete: sayang ey unpad teh gamau dijadiin pilihan kedua
aku: pilihan kedua gimana?
tete: iya kan kalo maneh mo daftar kuliah ada pilihan kesatu sama kedua, nah unpad tuh gamau jadi pilihan kedua
aku: kata siapa?
tete: kata workshop di tridaya
hani: ya emang gaenak dijadiin pilihan kedua mah. tapi lebih gaenak lagi ga dijadiin pilihan sama sekali
aku & tete: ............
time flies, everyone knew
but we're not stuck.
we're walking
in a different path
in a different road
some of us turned right
some turned left
some climbed
but still; we knew
that we moved on to prepare,
to be on top,
together.
Hi peeps! So i decided to put more positive vibes on my blog instead of whines, negative minds and 'ngutruk' posts. How? By sharing all the things that make me happy on the day! Biar pas dibaca lagi tuh bisa inget & bikin seneng lagi (even just by memorizing it). Biar para fans siapapun yang baca at least bisa ikut hepi hehe.
I believe simple things could make us happy. Simple thing matters.
Oke, things that made me happy today sebenernya rada bikin kegeeran juga. Orang-orang yang bacanya juga mungkin bakal be like 'ew' dengernya, tapi da gimana atuh pengen pisan dishare da bahagia pisund *harus pisan pake 'sund'* :((((
Jadi tadi aku yang baru pisan pulang sekolah ngeluarin motor mo ke indomaret. Beberapa langkah depan pager rumah ada segerombolan ciwi-ciwi SMP lagi jalan. Mungkin mereka abis kerja kelompok. Ato mungkin dvding dari rumah temennya. Ato mungkin cuma main doang. Ato mungkin kerja kelompok yang berujung dvding dan main dan gibah kayak aing. Penting banget ih.....
Pas banget aku keluar dari pager, aku dan para ciwi bertemu muka dan bertatap mata untuk waktu yang lama... ini kejadiannya harus dibayangin slowmotion.
ea
Gatau kenapa kita sama-sama freezing di tempat untuk waktu yang lama. Untuk menghindari awkward ya udah we aku lanjots ngegas motor menuju destinasi tujuan. Gatau kenapa rambut aku berasa bagus dan badai banget gara-gara abis dijedai, dan waktu di motor tuh serasa tergerai indah melambai-lambai memancarkan cahaya keemasan mentari sore, diterpa angin bulan November yang hangat. Hiperbol abis.... HAPPY part 1 karena rambut aku lagi bagus. Rada kecewa juga kenapa giliran di sekolah ato di luar rambut aku samson mode on tapi pas di rumah selalu badai. Jadi tadi tuh rasanya kayak gini
Sampe di mana tadi btw...
yap, ngegas motor. Aku ngelewatin para ciwi yang sumpeh-gatau-kenapa-bukan-geer-ini-mah-tapi-emang-bener ngeliatin aku wae. Eh tiba-tiba salah satu dari mereka ada yang nyaut,
"Teteh, ih, meni cantik."
...
"Teteh ih meni cantik."
...
"T e t e h i h m e n i c a n t i k."
:')
Dipuji aja udah ngapung, apalagi dipuji sama strenjer. Yegak. So i went blushing like a boiled crab. Sembari mengucapkan terima kasih, tentunya. Trus mereka nyaut lagi
"Aku juga cantik ya Teh, kayak Teteh."
Bingung bales apa jadi kujawab "Amin, makasyiiih" dengan suara soimut yang gak direncanakan.
Enek.
Trus mereka ketawa-ketiwi bisik-bisik.
Dalem hati langsung mikir itu sarcasm bukan ya.... HAHAHA malu kan udah geer!! Positive thinking aja akhirnya mah. Akhirnya ku goscoy meninggalkan para ciwi di belakang. Trus pas balik lagi ke rumah, aku ceritain ke Mamah, bahagia.
Mood langsung mendadak berubah.
Hepi? Hepi.
Jadi intinya,
yha itu.
Simple thing matters. Simple thing make us happy.
And in the end of this 'things that made me happy today', i would make some line (or point?) about all of these things i wrote.
How to make people happy?
#1 Compliment the small things. Like what i said, small thing matters. Hal-hal kecil mungkin malah ngebuat orang yang dikomentarin ngerasa spesial, such as; 'baru potong rambut ya? lucu deh', atau 'cantik banget hari ini', 'sepatu barunya keren banget', and the other things.. harus tulus juga pastinya. I believe small compliments can make someone's day.
------------
The other things that made me happy today:
- Berhasil skipping 1000x
- Makanan kantin yang enak banget. Mungkin suatu saat pas udah jadi alumni, i would visit school a lot cuma buat pesen nasi goreng babeh plus ayam negro. VIVA LA FOODIES!
- Ga begitu panas
- Detective Conan ada di Wakuwaku Japan :')
Soooo what's your something-to-be happy about for today?
Jangan lupa bahagia! :)
newly braced teeth defines real effing pain.
geez :(
The day ran out heavily & all i need right now is an effing aspirin...
I wish i could live in Forks or Glasgow. Alasannya? Simple. Karena banyak hujan! They are even considered as the wettest place in their countries, dan gue sangat mencintai hujan. This drought bore me to death.. really. Pengen cepet-cepet musim hujan...
Hujan, menurut para klimatolog mungkin cuma sekedar fenomena alam. Menurut para puitis, dia inspirasi untuk syair-syair barunya. Menurut para melankolis, dia meresonansi kenangan. Menurut sebagian orang, dia itu kesialan, penghambat aktivitas. Menurut para petani, dia anugerah. Menurut para pencinta sinetron, dia penyamar air mata kesedihan. Kayaknya gue masuk ke tipe melankolis. Hujan itu, menurut gue, romantis. I feel bad for them who couldn't feel 'something' in rain. Kayak kata Bob Marley, 'some people feel the rain, others just get wet'. The thing about rain is... gue punya cara tersendiri buat menikmatinya.
Recipe #1
Hujan + sweater + jendela yang kebuka + bantal duduk + secangkir teh panas (i prefer earl grey karena wanginya enak) + good music + (INI YANG PALING PENTING) nikmatin hujannya, biarin pikiran kamu automatically berkontemplasi.
Good music di situ maksudnya musik yang tepat buat didengerin waktu hujan. And i do have the playlist of it hehehehehe. In case you want to try, i suggest you to hear:
1. Gardika Gigih - Sebuah Percakapan di Senja Hari
2. Gardika Gigih - Pada Tiap Senja
3. Layur - Dawn
4. Layur - Interlude
5. Gabriella Aplin - Salvation
6. Banda Neira - Hujan di Mimpi
7. Adhitia Sofyan - After the Rain
8. Lykke Li - Possibility
9. Ludvig Moon - Swim Dream
10. Coldplay - Us Against the World
11. Coldplay - Atlas
12. Gardika Gigih - Stars In Us
13. Layur - Suara Awan
14. Layur - Are You Awake?
15. The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build A Home
16. The Cinematic Orchestra - Arrival of the Birds + Transformation
PS: kalau nggak pas hujan pun, PLIS DENGERIN LAGU-LAGU DI ATAS, sambil buka rainymood. plis banget.... i want you to feel the greatness of music + rain. i want you to grace both rain and music. it's magical.
oh did i mention that i have 2 recipes?
Recipe #2
Rain + go somewhere whom anyone can't see you exist + let yourself get wet + scream it + laugh it + cry it + feel it.
Oh i really hope you can feel 'something' about rain and grace about it :)
Aku: mah mah denger ini ada quote melankolis banget dari Gagar Asmara
Aku: 'aku selalu senang ketika hujan turun. Menurutku, hujan adalah cara Tuhan menyapa insan yang kesepian'
Aku: ih bener banget lah mah keren pisyooong. ohiya osya suka hujan hayoh. suka banget kalo tiap kali ada hujan. suka denger suara hujannya, hawanya, aroma tanah yang kena hujan. romantis banget ya. mama suka hujan ga?
Mamah: mamah mah tiap kali hujan.... selalu kepikiran kontrakan mamah bocor ato engga
Aku: :((((((
Aku: Bibiii mau emih
Bibi: Iya neng.. bentar
Aku: Hah bibi kenapa!? Ko nangis?
Bibi: Iya neng barusan nonton pilem india Ya Allah sedih pisan ngga kuat bibi nontonnya
Aku: :')
Mamah: GEMPA! LARI KE LUAR SEMUANYA
Aku: Hah iya gitu?! Tunggu!!! *buka twitter* *update tweet 'ADA GEMPA!!!'*
bego emang.
*ngasih ongkos angkot*
mang angkot: neng, kurang gope. harusnya seribu gope
aku: oh yayaa nih *ngasih struk alfamart* *KABOOOR*
jahiliyah emang.
*mang baso lewat depan rumah*
aku: *teriak dari jendela atas* MAAAANGGG
mang mang baso: *liat kanan kiri depan belakang nyari sumber suara*
aku: GA BELIIIII *ngumpet*
jahiliyah emang.
A: and what's so wrong with living in a dream world?
M: well, one day you have to wake up
See the picture above?
I believe this place was magical.
I can feel my heart gets warm when i memorize about my life there.
I can feel my lips automatically smiled when i passed through there.
Because there's something that pulls me back to this place.
Not even a second i didn't wish to go back there.
It was much more than just a school nor building.
It's a home.
At home, i left a piece of my heart.
do what makes you happy & let people do what make them happy.
seems a fun thing to do, yaaa. i think i'm going to do this one on my blog
yesterday's sky was magical, wasn't it?
If you found a girl in a high school uniform on J.Co on monday / friday around 3pm-5pmish, sitting alone with bunches of comic books or novel or laptoping while having tea or donuts, that's probably me.
Single. Miserable. Teenager.
Pernah nggak sih ngalamin fase dimana everything seems run perfectly, but empty as well. Keknya semua orang juga pernah deh ya? Hidup gue (hari ini gue lagi pengen manggil diri gue 'gue') kayaknya udah nggak exciting lagi akhir-akhir ini. Semuanya berjalan konstan, ibarat mobil yang nggak berubah laju kecepatannya. Maka terdapat hukum Newton I dalam hidup gue sekarang dimana resultan gaya yang bekerja pada hidup = 0.
anjir.. sotoy abis gue mengkolerasikan realita hidup sama teori physics.
hahahahahaha enek.
Okay, jadi gue pikir i need to put something fresh and new in my life. Some people said i need to find 'someone' that could brighten my life up. Simpelnya.. pacar. Entahlah, gue nggak berpikir itu ide yang bagus, karena gue rasa selama ini punya pacar ataupun engga, hidup gue nggak berubah. Weirdly i even thought that i haven't had a first love yet tho. So, having a relationship with someone ain't guaranteed any changes in my life. Lagipula lagi enjoy begini.
Some people said i need to do everything in my life in a different way. Such as, if you usually brush your teeth with your right hand, change it with your left hand. Take a different path on your way to school. Travel somewhere you have never been gone before. I DID all of those things but none of them significantly matters.
Some people said i need to get out of the routines. So i skipped school. But it didn't thrill me as well. My mum doesn't even care if i skip school.
Some people said i need to put a new activity in my life. So i enrolled an english course where i can meet new people with different ages & different perspectives. But it ended up by meeting an asshole who's underestimating my choice for picking social studies in school. It broke my whole mood.
Kudu gimana ya biar ga ngerasa 'kosong' begini..
Meet Nyle Dimarco, one of the America's Next Top Model S22 contestants whom I admirrrrrrre the most.
I mean. Look at him. He's probably the most beautiful creature that God has ever created.
GEEZ.
Szooooo happy that i got a day off (tho i don't go anywhere). Finally finally finally there's a day that i could skip Trout's class, my annoying teacher. I need to censor his name so i called him Trout. Yes, Trout the fish. I have been mad at him for weeks. I have NEVER mad at a teacher this bad. I kinda feel durhaka to be angry to a teacher but WHY WHY WHY does he have to be so cruel and sarcastic and annoying and sucks?!?!?! I would be so glad, SO GLAD to give him a trophy for 'Cruelest Teacher in the Entire Milky Way' award.
Okay calm down, Zaskia Osya.
You need to relax
and
you need to try
to not influence people who read this post
with negative vibes.
Geez.
Who the fuck cares anyway it's my journal!
Some of you might wonder what happened between me and Trout.. or maybe not.
with negative vibes.
Geez.
Who the fuck cares anyway it's my journal!
Some of you might wonder what happened between me and Trout.. or maybe not.
There was him sitting in front of the class, mentioning names whose task hadn't been completed. He mentioned my name at the end. So i went to the front and ask him which task did i miss, and what he said was...
"Halah apaan kamu mah tiga tiganya juga belom! Pemales nggak pernah ngerjain tugas. Mau jadi apa kamu pemales. Liat nih nilainya kosong semua. Kamu nggak niat di pelajaran saya atau gimana."
Lah gua bingung kan perasaan tugas udah dikerjain semua. Then I rechecked my task book if there's any task that i hadn't finished yet. But i finished all of them, there even was his signatures on the papers. I thought maybe he had forgotten to input my score to his score list. So i brought my task book to him.
"Pak ini tugas saya udah selesai semua tiga-tiganya. Tanda tangan Bapak juga ada. Mungkin Bapak lup--"
i didn't even finish my sentence because he interrupted,
"Kumpulin."
"Mungkin Bapak lupa masukin ke daftar nilai."
"IYA YAUDAH KUMPULIN."
Sambil ngelengos. Judes. Jutek.
Sabar....
And the next week after it happened again.
Trout mentioned the name whose task still hadn't been completed, and there was my name.. again...
He even said "Ini kok tugasnya yang saya panggil belum masuk masuk ya dari minggu lalu, gimana sih kok nggak niat belajar kalian pemales semua. Apalagi ini nih yang masih kosong semua... Zaskia. Pemales." in front of the class. And in all of a sudden everyone's eyes pointed at you.
"Pak memang tugas saya yang mana lagi ya, yang belum? Udah saya kumpulin bukunya kemarin dan udah semua."
"Ya nggak tau ini buktinya masih kosong semua, pemales."
Ya gimana gua gak malu.
I went to his desk with my task book, trying to not spilt out all of the curses.
"Pak, ini tugas saya udah semua. Ini tugas yang pertama.. ini yang kedua, ini yang ketiga. Bahkan udah ditandatangan sama Bapak. Dari dua minggu lalu juga sudah. Saya gak pemales Pak. Bapak kayaknya lupa lagi buat masukin nilai saya ke daftar nilai."
Trout didn't even want to look at neither me nor my task book.
"YAAA UDAAAAH. KUMPULIIIIN AJAAAA."
Gue nggak heran kalo dia nggak mau minta maaf. Mungkin dia malu ato gengsi.
Yang gue heran KENAPA SIH NADANYA MASIH JUTEK AJAAA?
He didn't even feel guilty about what he has done; for embarassing myself in front of the class. He didn't even admit his wrong.
Najong. Tai.
To be honest, in all of a sudden, i lose all my respect for you, Sir Trout. Gue bahkan udah nggak peduli kalo dia adalah orang yang seharusnya gue hormati. Entah karena posisi dia sebagai guru gue ataupun orang yang lebih tua dari gue. To me, your 'religious' label didn't represent your actions.
So.
Thank God.
Thank you so much for giving me a precious opportunity; to not seeing his face this week. To not letting me spilting out the bad curses.
I'm grateful.
"Halah apaan kamu mah tiga tiganya juga belom! Pemales nggak pernah ngerjain tugas. Mau jadi apa kamu pemales. Liat nih nilainya kosong semua. Kamu nggak niat di pelajaran saya atau gimana."
Lah gua bingung kan perasaan tugas udah dikerjain semua. Then I rechecked my task book if there's any task that i hadn't finished yet. But i finished all of them, there even was his signatures on the papers. I thought maybe he had forgotten to input my score to his score list. So i brought my task book to him.
"Pak ini tugas saya udah selesai semua tiga-tiganya. Tanda tangan Bapak juga ada. Mungkin Bapak lup--"
i didn't even finish my sentence because he interrupted,
"Kumpulin."
"Mungkin Bapak lupa masukin ke daftar nilai."
"IYA YAUDAH KUMPULIN."
Sambil ngelengos. Judes. Jutek.
Sabar....
And the next week after it happened again.
Trout mentioned the name whose task still hadn't been completed, and there was my name.. again...
He even said "Ini kok tugasnya yang saya panggil belum masuk masuk ya dari minggu lalu, gimana sih kok nggak niat belajar kalian pemales semua. Apalagi ini nih yang masih kosong semua... Zaskia. Pemales." in front of the class. And in all of a sudden everyone's eyes pointed at you.
"Pak memang tugas saya yang mana lagi ya, yang belum? Udah saya kumpulin bukunya kemarin dan udah semua."
"Ya nggak tau ini buktinya masih kosong semua, pemales."
Ya gimana gua gak malu.
I went to his desk with my task book, trying to not spilt out all of the curses.
"Pak, ini tugas saya udah semua. Ini tugas yang pertama.. ini yang kedua, ini yang ketiga. Bahkan udah ditandatangan sama Bapak. Dari dua minggu lalu juga sudah. Saya gak pemales Pak. Bapak kayaknya lupa lagi buat masukin nilai saya ke daftar nilai."
Trout didn't even want to look at neither me nor my task book.
"YAAA UDAAAAH. KUMPULIIIIN AJAAAA."
Gue nggak heran kalo dia nggak mau minta maaf. Mungkin dia malu ato gengsi.
Yang gue heran KENAPA SIH NADANYA MASIH JUTEK AJAAA?
He didn't even feel guilty about what he has done; for embarassing myself in front of the class. He didn't even admit his wrong.
Najong. Tai.
To be honest, in all of a sudden, i lose all my respect for you, Sir Trout. Gue bahkan udah nggak peduli kalo dia adalah orang yang seharusnya gue hormati. Entah karena posisi dia sebagai guru gue ataupun orang yang lebih tua dari gue. To me, your 'religious' label didn't represent your actions.
So.
Thank God.
Thank you so much for giving me a precious opportunity; to not seeing his face this week. To not letting me spilting out the bad curses.
I'm grateful.
i thought i was becoming an asshole for feeling empty (and disgrace) despite my whole life runs perfectly.
i assumed it's sourced from the way i live. i live everyday in order, constantly. nothing excites me at all. life doesn't excite me these past months.
i wanted to be a child (again). i mean; when i was kid, i easily got excited by small things. it's horrible for being a grown up. everything seems so boring.
i live in routines. but i can't find a way to get out from my comfort zone.
i need to meet someone new. i need to go to new places and get lost and discover the true me.
i need to found myself.
efffffff i think i'm just being a real teenager who got lost and try to find themself.
life has been effed up these days.
i feel trapped.
This post would be random af but..
I love Cristina-Burke so much so when i watched Grey's Anatomy S3 and found out that Burke was proposing Cristina, i was like...
finally finally finally my fav couple is getting maried!!!
Terus tadi malem jadwal finale eps GA S3 kan... dan begitu beres nonton... berasa dumped abis. Tearjerking banget nggak paham.
"Cristina, I could promise to hold you, and to cherish you. I could promise to be there, in sickness and in health. I could say till death do us part. But I won't. Those vows are for optimistic couples, the ones full of hope. I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full of hope. I am not optimistic. I am not hopeful. I am sure. I am steady. I'm a heart man. Take 'em apart, put 'em back together, hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So this, I am sure. You are my partner. My lover. My very best friend. My heart. My heart beats for you. And on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this. I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands, I promise you... me."
PARAH. Wedding vow-nya Burke parah banget.....
Ga ngerti kenapa Burke bisa seromantis dan se-sweet itu... And if there's someone like him in real life, i hope that would be my future husband ha ha ha ngarep.
Tapi Grey's Anatomy emang tai banget. T a i karena endingnya Burke nyampakkin Cristina di altar. T a i karena Burke malah ngilang ninggalin Cristina, bahkan tanpa say goodbye. T a i karena Burke nggak muncul lagi di season 4. T a i karena udah bikin Cristina ancur. T a i karena alesan Burke batalin pernikahan karena alesannya to love is to let them free. T a i karena endingnya harus kayak gitu. T a i karena vow seromantis, sesweet itu akhirnya dumped. T a i karena udah bikin tearjerking.
Tai.
Preston: I'm up there waiting for you to come down the aisle and... I know you don't want to come. If I loved you, I wouldn't be up there waiting for you. I would be letting you go.
Cristina: I am wearing the dress. I'm ready. And, and maybe I didn't want to before. But I want to now. I really think I want this.
Preston: I really wish you didn't think. I wish that you knew.
:'(
So last weekend i had a short getaway trip to Anyer with my family (except Mba Yaya ofc lol because she's always too busy with her papers and co-ass life). However, it wasn't the best trip, but compared with lying on the couch all day, watching movies, with all those weekend kegabutan, i enjoyed my trip. By 'short getaway trip' i really mean s h o r t because we just spent 2 days and a night there. We arrived there around 10 and it was so hot... panas banget gaboong. And all of us were tired so we just laying in bed for hours and that evening, i decided to enjoy the pool and the beach, though i wasn't allowed to swim. Period sucks.
But the point is not about that i wasn't allowed to swim on my trip, it's about how i am finally going out of town.... :')
About the beach.. there was nothing special. Anyer beach didn't excite me at all. It wasn't private, because we could see the food traders around and some of them were so annoying for being pushy.
And there was a thing about the hotel that we stayed. ANGKER TERNYATA BO. Haha sialan!! We stayed in a great hotel, though it seemed old we have nothing to doubt of. So yep, when i done brushing my teeths, i place my toothbrush in a glass with the head upside. I took a shower that night and when i went back to the sink, my toothbrush position switched upside down. I thought i was misplacing it so i turn the head of the toothbrush up back. The next morning when i went to the bathroom for shower, i found my toothbrush position switched upside down again. Geez.
There were another. The minutes before i went to bed, i was trying to close the curtain of the balcony. It was kinda stuck so i gave up and sleep. But in the middle of midnight i woken up finding that the curtain was already closed perfectly. I was too sleepy to ask the others about it so i went back to sleep. And here is the creepiest part. The morning when my fam was enjoying water sports, i went back first to the hotel room to chillax. I heard knocks on the door but when i opened the door, nobody was there. Craaaapppp! I spontanously crazily ran out of the hotel room and went back to the beach; freaking out telling what happened to Mum.
And then i found out that the hotel we stayed was kinda haunted these past years... heard that there was happened a guest that suicide, jumping out from the 7th floor of the hotel. And guess what floor my hotel room was? 7th. Crap :'(
Here's a potato for you.
much luvvvvvvvvv!!!
baru nonton eps terakhir grey's anatomy S3 dimana cristina dicampakin sama burke di altar then suddenlyyy i got this picture... end up with crying.
Despite all of their sayings about how Bandung is always gonna be everybody's home, i may be the one who wants to runaway, who's just too sick of their hypocrites, their lies and their mask.
I wish i could;
runaway
as far as i could;
thousands miles away.
I need a busier rhythm. Rhythm of work where we're just too busy to even care about each other's business or life. Too busy to even judge the others' mistakes.
I'm done with the city.
and the lies;
also the hypocrites.
I'm done af.
When i was like 9-10ish, i always imagined that i'm going to have a perfect teenager life. I'm going to have a (my type) boyfriend, i'm going to be a social-butterfly, i'm going to be the smartest in class, or i'm going to be a covergirl. Seriously.. haha. I DID told everyone that i want to be a Gadis Sampul when i was 10.
None of those happen. I used to have boyfriends, but none of them was really my type. But in my teenager phase i realize that we don't care about type when we fall in love. But still, until now, i do fantasize about having one who's really my type.
I'm way far than being a social-butterfly. I do have lots of friends, but small amount of bestfriends. I realized that i'm truly an ambivert, and i'm a socially awkward so... yep.
There's always someone smarter than us in class.
And perhaps i'm going to enroll myself to be a model if my height wasnt 155. Or if i didn't have as huge as a whale thighs. Or if i had an awesome hair. Or if i didn't let what the other says about myself made me down and so unconfidence.
I kept telling to myself "i'm sorry, 10-years-old-me, i may not having a perfect life of teenagers just like what you imagined. But i do have a great life. And i'm happy. Eventhough i have a huge thighs, or i'm a shorty, or i'm not as rich as my friends.. i'm happy. You, little kid, didn't understand that we live in probability. What we wish doesn't always get to be real, and what we have now will not always stay in the future."
Probability happens in everysecond of our lives. And Mr. P, i beg you to choose me to be one of those people who make their dreams come true. This time i'm no longer wishing or fantasize about a perfect adult life. I'm wishing for a greatness and happiness.
*watching nigella bites*
nigella: i'm gonna put a little bit heat into this.. so i'm using sambal oelek (re: oleg) from indonesia
me: oleg..? (she pronounced it that way)
nigella: they mashed the chilli, salt and the other spices with some traditional plate and masher
me: ahahahahaha mom you should know this woman wkwk she pronounced sambal ulek to be oleg!!!
*lagi nonton tangled*
Hani: coba we ada cogan masuk kamar aing lewat jendela
Tetra: heeh tapi teu napak
Hani: :(
Kehidupan dan lika-likunya emang bakal selalu jadi rahasia Tuhan yang kadang nggak bisa dipahamin setiap orang, termasuk aku. Nggak puas dengan nyiptain setiap orang dengan sebegitu unik dan berbedanya, Tuhan ternyata masih ingin bikin manusia bingung dengan alur hidup yang nggak bisa ditebak.
gilagila
bahasanya men..
Apa sih yang bisa ngebuat remaja labil kayak aku nulis gitu?
Jadi kemaren aku pulang pakai ojek. Perjalanan lintas kota alias Bandung-Cimahi yang makan waktu bikin aku sama mang gojek ngobrolin banyak topik. Mulai dari suasana sekolah, macetnya Bandung yang udah kayak Jakarta, keluarga aku, keluarga si mang, tentang Bandung jaman dulu, terus tentang masa depan.
Si mang ojek ini namanya Mas Andri. Mas Andri bilang, "Neng, gimana SMA, rame? Kan masa SMA mah cenah masa paling indah."
Dengan tawa getir aku jawab, "Hahaha ya gitu we mang. Dibilang rame mah asa biasa aja. Eh nggak tau deng, paling kerasanya mah nanti kalo udah gede jadi bisa ngebandingin."
Trus tiba-tiba beliau bilang, "saya mah neng, suka sedih kalo inget SMA."
lalu berujung curhat.
Jadi Mas Andri cerita kalo dia dulu dari kecil pengen banget masuk SMAN 3 Bandung, Siapa yang nggak kepengen sih btw... jadi dari dulu pun ternyata gambaran sekolah idaman anak-anak Bandung tuh memang udah SMA 3. Mas Andri belajar mati-matian, ambis banget, rajin banget, selalu ranking 1, 3 tahun berturut-turut di SMP demi bisa masuk tiga, Tapi entahlah, mungkin luckiness matters di ujian nasional dan akhirnya Mas Andri nggak kesampean buat bisa daftar ke tiga.
"Saya ranking 1 terus neng di SMP, nggak pernah nilai jelek, belajar pisan itu mah biar masuk tiga. Eh taunya nggak bisa masuk tiga. Sedih neng, beneran. Kemaren saya dapet customer anak 3, saya jemput di depan sekolah, asa sedih saya teh. Sakit hati gitu kalo inget masa lalu waktu SMA teh. Pokonya antara saya dan tiga teh punya kenangan buruk. Tiap saya lewat tiga teh suka sedih inget dulu. Mati-matian saya belajar, ranking 1, eh.. ga masuk 3.. sekarang juga malah ngojek jadinya."
Belom sempet aku jawab, si Mas Andri udah cerita lagi. Kali ini dikasih wejangan,
"Eh.. ai temen saya yang dulu di SMP biasa aja sekarang mah jadi sukses neng. Neng tau XXX gak? Artis jaman dulu itu teh yang nyanyi lagu xxx.. itu teh temen saya, neng. Trus temen-temen saya yang dulu juga yang parada bandel sekarang sukses kerjaannya, da punya banyak temen.. punya banyak link. Makanya neng di masa kayak neng sekarang mah, neng kudu bergaul sama banyak orang, temenan sama banyak orang da suatu saat mereka teh berguna buat neng. Belajar ato ranking kayak gituan mah nggak ngejamin sukses neng, liat we saya dulu ranking pas sekolah, eh gedenya juga jadi tukang ojek."
Sebenernya nggak cuma di cerita Mas Andri, tapi di dunia nyata pun emang banyak yang kejadiannya sama kayak gitu. Belajar mati-matian.. pinter abis jenius abis sampe ikutan olim ini itu taunya pas UN nilainya standar aja.. dan yang dapet nilai UN gede taunya anak yang selama ini gak kesorot dan semua orang jadi pada kaget tea (ini mah kayanya pada ngalamin semua).., grafik nilai naik, akademik oke, eh jalur undangan sama sbmptn ga keterima... lulusan perguruan tinggi negeri oke taunya ga keterima lamar kerja... asal-asalan ikut ujian mandiri taunya keterima... nggak niat ikut seleksi x eh taunya keterima... yang dulunya bandel banget gedenya sukses banget... yang dulunya pinter banget gedenya biasa aja... (walaupun nggak semua case kayak gitu).
Bagi kebanyakan orang, plot yang udah Tuhan kasih ke masing-masing manusia kadang terkesan unfair atau bahkan non-sense. Nggak ada yang bisa diprediksikan soal masa depan. Belajar mati matian dan dapet nilai bagus nggak ngejamin kita bakal masuk perguruan tinggi negeri oke dan keterima pas ngelamar di perusahaan multinasional yang gajinya puluhan juta. Masuk universitas terkenal atau gelar sarjana juga nggak ngejamin kita sukses. Hidup ternyata nggak semulus dapet belajar-nilai oke-perguruan tinggi unggulan-keterima kerja-kaya raya-keliling dunia.
Masalah ikhtiar, peluang dan sebut saja takdir, atau garis tangan, atau keberuntungan.. emang kayaknya bakal jadi rahasia Tuhan yang paling dalem, yang emang udah di luar jangkauan manusia. Begitu anehnya 'cerita' masing-masing orang yang nggak bisa disangka, yang kadang runyam, yang kadang terkesan nggak adil, nggak masuk akal.. yang memang udah diplot sedemikian jalan sama Tuhan, dengan tujuan dan alasan yang nggak pernah manusia tau. Wallahu alam.
Tapi, dari situ juga, ketakutan aku tentang masa depan bertambah. Posisi aku sama Mas Andri nggak jauh beda.. kita sama-sama punya akademik yang bagus (bukan riya) di sekolah. Mungkin sekarang aku bisa berangan-angan setinggi langit tentang jas almamater perguruan tinggi impian, tentang "suatu saat aku bakal jadi xxx di kantor/perusahaan/departemen xxx", tentang gambaran akan masa depan yang serba sempurna.. tapi nggak ada yang tahu rencana Tuhan akan masa depan aku seperti apa. Nggak siap aja bayanginnya, kalo nanti di masa depan aku malah bilang "ah ga guna saya belajar mati-matian, ranking di SMA kalo akhirnya saya jadi...." jangan sampe, Ya Allah. Jangan sampe aku ngeluh sama apa yang udah aku ikhtiarkan.
Mungkin banyak juga yang berpendapat, "ngapain juga belajar, dapet nilai bagus ato ipk bagus, yang penting lulus paspasan juga gapapa karena toh akhirnya mah semua ga ngejamin kita sukses atau engga". Kalo menurut aku, memang betul nilai nggak ngejamin kesuksesan kita.. tapi setiap ikhtiar pasti membantu. Membantu menciptakan peluang baru buat kita ngeraih goal di depan.
Mungkin luckiness matters, garis tangan udah nentuin jalannya masa depan, lalu ada juga qadar.. Mungkin orang pintar bakal kalah sama orang yang cerdas, dan orang cerdas bakal kalah sama orang yang beruntung, tapi bukankah tingkat ke-hoki-an tiap orang beda-beda?
Analoginya kayak gini. Misalnya, ada 3 orang yang bersaing buat ngedapetin kerja di perusahaan yang cuma punya 2 slot tersisa, yaitu A, B, sama C. A punya kemampuan rata-rata. Si B paling pintar di antara ketiganya. Sementara si C walaupun kemampuannya biasa aja, ternyata punya luckiness tinggi. Karena udah garis tangannya (somehow dengan situasi kayak kasus nilai UN) , C keterima kerja di situ. Satu kursi yang tersisa, pastinya diberikan buat B yang punya kemampuan lebih dari C. B lebih berpeluang dari C buat keterima di perusahaan itu karena kemampuannya. Nah, dari situ, aku menyimpulkan kalo kita masih bisa dapet goal itu dengan ikhtiar walaupun ada orang lain yang punya keberuntungan besar. Jadi, terlepas dari mempasrahan diri sama takdir yang udah Tuhan kasih, manusia juga harus ikhtiar, memperbesar peluang.
Huff...
Emang hidup penuh rahasia yang nggak bisa manusia ngerti, ya..
Emang manusia tuh sekecil dan se-enggak-ada-apa-apa-nya itu, ya..
Semoga apa yang udah kita ikhtiarkan nggak sia-sia. Dan juga semoga mimpi aku (kita, kalau ada yang baca ini) tercapai. Aamiin.
In the morning when I wake
and the sun is coming through
you fill my lungs with sweetness
you fill my head with you.
Shall I write it in a letter?
Shall I try to get it down?
Oh, you fill my head with pieces
Of a song I can't get out.
Can I be close to you?
Can I?
Can I take it to a morning
Where the fields are painted gold
And the trees are filled with memories
Of the feelings never told?
When the evening pulls the sun down,
And the day is almost through,
Oh, the whole world it is sleeping,
But my world is you.
can I be close to you?
Shall I write it in a letter?
Shall I try to get it down?
Oh, you fill my head with pieces
Of a song I can't get out.
Can I be close to you?
Can I?
Can I take it to a morning
Where the fields are painted gold
And the trees are filled with memories
Of the feelings never told?
When the evening pulls the sun down,
And the day is almost through,
Oh, the whole world it is sleeping,
But my world is you.
can I be close to you?
if i was not myself
and you were someone else
i'd say so much to you
and i would tell the truth
cause i can hardly breath
when your hands let go of me
the ice is thinning out
and my feet brace themselves
and my feet brace themselves
home is nothing but two arms who hold you tight.
Tete: cha :(
Tete: kata maneh kekurangan aing apa :(
Tete: sebutkan :(
Ocha: dih tumben
Ocha: biasanya juga 'udah ngaca udah perfect'
Tete: serius ini mah
Ocha: kekurangan maneh?
Ocha: MANEH JAHAT SAMA AING
Ocha: SUKA MENGHINA AING
Ocha: JAHANAM
Tete: serius ih
Tete: selain itu
Ocha: kenapa dah
Ocha: maneh judes kadang kadang sama orang
Ocha: jutek
Ocha: sekalinya gasuka sama orang maneh gasuka banget sampe gamau ngasih celah buat mereka perbaikin kesalahan di hidup maneh
Tete: apa lagi cha
Tete: secepatnya
Tete: genting nih(
Ocha: buat apasi
Ocha: aing dapet apa
Tete: dapet upil dari aing
Ocha: dih ogah
Ocha: upilmu bahkan tak seindah bokerku
Tete: upil emas coy ini mah
Tete: terus apalagi
Ocha: judes
Ocha: jutek
Ocha: mean
Ocha: sarkastik
Ocha: judes 1000x
Tete: ada lagi ga :(
Ocha: dunno
Tete: ada masalah :(
Ocha: masalah apa te?
Tete: kan gini, tadi tuh pas mane cerita goblok tentang kecengan maneh kan di rumah aing lagi ada sodara, terus sodara aing teh pengen ngemil keripik gitu kan. terus sieta teh ngajak aing beli cemilan weh ya. nah udah gitu teh kan aing sama sieta teh ke indomaret buat beli cemilan, eh pas di kasir udah bayar si mba mba indomaretnya tuh lupa bukannya ngasih belanjaan aing malah ngelayanin customer selanjutnya. kan aing bingung salah aing sama kekurangan aing apa sampe mba mba indomaret lupa ga ngasih belanjaan aing :(
Ocha: anjeeeeeeeeedvghw'rfoheiuhernncbcbbeowsxkxncbjkd
...
ada banyak sekali jenis cinta di dunia ini
yang jika kita cinta, bukan lantas harus memiliki.
ada banyak sekali jenis suka, kasih, dan sayang di dunia ini
yang jika memang demikian, tidak harus dibawa pulang
egois sekali, kawan, jika tetap kaulakukan
lihatlah, tiada lagi sunset tanpa matahari
tiada lagi indah langit tanpa purnamajuga taman tanpa mawar merekah
ataupun temaram malam tanpa kunang-kunang
ada banyak sekali jenis cinta di dunia ini
yang jika sungguh cinta, kita akan membiarkannya
seperti apa adanya
hanya menyimpan perasaan itu dalam hati
selalu begitu, hingga akhir nanti.
- Tere Liye
Alhamdulillah udah menginjak angka 17.
:')
mba ajeng: huooo enaknyaaa pas banget beres makan gue langsung boker!!
aku: idiiih jors
mba ajeng: dan itutuh INDAH BANGET coy bokernya, GEDE BANGET, sampe harus diflush 4 kali!!
*papah di dapur lagi megangin sama liatin sendok lama banget*
Aku: ngapain sih pah?
Papah: milih sendok yang ringan
Aku: .....
'osyadenaya.co.nr' atau 'osya.co.nr' :(
My mom said, "do have a crush who is smarter than you". Simply because he will motivates me to equalize my 'level' with him. I obviously don't want to look dumb when he's babbling about politics, global issues, hottest news, or opinions. Smart people will bring us to a higher level of life. They will widen our perspectives. Smart people makes us have to think smart, think critically, think differently, and think the way they think. They will change us become a smart one too.
My mom proved her words. I experienced a love with a smart guy next to my class back on junior high. He was so clever that he made me think "a smart guy deserve a smart girl too". So i studied hard to make myself worth to be with him. We had a relationship and it was literally one of the best time in my life. He made my whole life went a lot better. Both of us were so ambitious about our academic, so we competed together (although we weren't in the same class). We studied hard so we don't embarass ourselves when one of us made into the top 3 in class while one of us is not. We discussed ideas together. About our idealism, about our opinions about something, about anything. Our teacher always announced the top 3 rank of each class at the end of semester. The top 3 of each class had to stand up in front of the field and received a trophy with proud. I remember we made it together to be the top 3. And since our class was contiguous, we stood next to each other. We congratulated each other, we were proud of each other.
One day i was crying, down, and feeling sooo blue because i failed my storytelling. I only could make it top 10 in province. I texted him that i was disappointed about myself who wasn't good enough compared to the other winners. I felt that i was 'nothing' and I became mad. You know what was he said? He said he was proud of me. He told me not to cry because win or not, he was still gonna be proud of me anyway. The most important part was i worked my ass off to bring the best. And that's how you should be when you do anything in your life; bring the best. You should bring your best in every part of your life, not just in the competition. It became the lesson that i value in my life. I learned so much things from him, and i'm grateful to let him be the (sweet) part of my life :)
Well recently i had a crush with someone like him too hahahaha. I called him 'popok' so when somebody's eavesdropping me babbling about him, they would have no idea who he really is HEHEHEHE i'm sorry boy i don't even know why i should call you 'popok' :)))
We know each other, but we never officially talk. We just simply following each other's socmed account haha yeaaa so sad. I admire him a lot. I love the way he talks. He's one of the bad boys, but still, he never missed his shalat prayers. He's a pious of God. I love to see him go to mosque for dzuhur prayer. I love to see his hair wet by his wudhu. Gosh. I admitted that i'm not a very pious person. I missed my shalat prayer sometimes. And having a crush on him makes me embarrased. I'm not even worth enough to be with someone pious like popok... and i'm disappointed to be 'unworthy'.
But you know what.. perhaps, that would be the perks of having someone who is (adj)-er than you (in a poistive way obviously). You will strive to be on the same level as theirs. Wanting him makes me want to be more pious. Having crush on him makes me more spirited to do shalat prayers.. alhamdulillah. I hope being a pious would be a permanent mark on myself.
I guess the same thing happens on friendship and environments. If we're around the perfumers, we will also get the smell of perfume, right? Be around people with the positiveness, so you'll become one too. I guess Prophet Muhammad was right about it.
*di whatsapp*
Papa: Osya
Aku: ya?
Papa: hari ini hari apa sya?
Aku: senin? :(
Papa: tanggal berapa sya?
Aku: 28 oktttt
Papa: hari ini diperingati sbg hari apa sya?
Aku: hari sumpah pemuda pah 😂😂
Papa: coba sebutkan isinya apa sj...
Aku: kami putra dan putri Indonesia mengaku bertumpah darah yang satu, tanah Indonesia. Kami putra dan putri Indonesia mengaku berbangsa yang satu, bangsa Indonesia. Kami putra dan putri Indonesia menjunjung bahasa persatuan, bahasa Indonesia.
Papa: good... ntar pulang papah transfer & traktir makan kesukaanmu
Aku: :') oke
*aku sama lita lagi mo fotokopi soal*
Aku: mba fotokopi dari halaman ini sampe siniMba mba fotokopi: oh iya. mau fotokopi bolak balik?
Lita: hmm boleh boleh
Mba mba fotokopi: eh eh jangan deng saya belom jago fotokopi bolak balik
Aku sama Lita: ....
*di line*
Mama: Sa
Mama: di depan mobil mama ada *tuuutttt* lagi nongki sama genggongnya
Aku: ooh
Aku: tabrak aja
Aku: wkwk
It's so hard to leave--until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world. - John Green
i love how the sun shines through my windows every evening and suddenly everything seems so warm and orange-ish.
i love how the bright warm light of 3pm sunshine hits perfectly to my desk. it makes me want to do something on that old desk. even it's just a trashy doodle or a meaningless writing.
i love doodling. on 3pm. in my room.
i love the warmth of 3pm.
i love the shades on the book i read on 3pm.
i just love 3pm lights.
Tetra: oh iya aing baru inget!!!
Tetra: ga penting sih
Tetra: ya udah ga jadi
Ocha: apa teee
Ocha: kepo
Tetra: kepala pundak lutut kaki lutut kaki
Ocha: baleg apaan
Tetra: tapi maneh jangan ngetawain aing ya
Tetra: aing ga bisa berenti baper...
Tetra: damn
Tetra: i really don't know how to stop this feeling
Ocha: iya gabakal ngetawain
Ocha: ...paling ngakak:)
Ocha: ama siapa?
Tetra: sama aja *emot frown*
Tetra: ada laah manusia
Ocha: who
Tetra: sebut saja namanya popok
Tetra: maneh tau kan aing sehampos apa.. kemarin-kemarin tuh aing pergi ke suatu tempat dengan kondisi sendirian dan hampos layaknya daun gugur jatuh dari pohonnya. sedih banget kan. iya. ditambah di tempat itu aing makan dan duduk sendirian. maneh tau kan makanan kalo dimakan lama-lama abis? terpaksa dong aing harus beli lagi karena aing masih laper. betapa malesnya di tempat itu kalo pesen makanan harus di bawah dan posisi aing ada di lantai atas. damn i was too mager to move, but my little (BTW LITTLE DARIMANA YAH TE) tummy won't stop singing. mau ga mau aing harus ke bawah. begonya begitu ke bawah aing ga tau mau makan apa. begitu aing sampe ke bawah, aing ngeliat cewe yang ya bisa dibilang eye-catching lah ya. oh neptune's bread, i couldn't stop staring at this girl. but i decided to stop staring at her karena takutnya dia ngira aing psikopat yang mencari santapan yang "mantap anjeng". betapa beruntungnya aing, dia nyapa dan nanya aing gini, "malam, mau pesen apa?". siapa yang ga seneng disapa seseorang yang sedari tadi menarik perhatian seorang manusia yang hamposnya ga ketulungan. begonya aing jawab dengan gagap ditambah gatau mau pesen apa. akhirnya dia ngasih saran makanan apa yang enak sambil senyum. whoa, this girl really made me baper a lot. tau ga tempat yang aing maksud apa? tau ga siapa cewe ini? Indomaret. dan cewe ini adalah mba-mba Indomaret yang selalu setia menyapa para pelanggan yang datang ke tempatnya mencari sesuap nasi. ga eye-catching sih sebenernya tapi aing sengaja bikin semua ini hiperbola.
Tetra: Hehe
Ocha: .......
Ocha: ANJEEEEEEE LELAH AING PUNYA TEMEN KAYA MANEH
Tetra: CHAAAA *emot cry superbanyak*
Ocha: opo beb *udah nyangka dia bakal curhatin mba indomaret*
Tetra: aing bete *emot cry*
Ocha: kenapa dah
Ocha: sini cerita ama mamah dedeh
Tetra: bete tadi aing ke indomaret terus si mba mba indomaretnya ngucapin "selamat datang di indomaret, selamat berbelanja" dengan tidak semangat a.k.a lemes kaya abis mencret puluhan kali
Tetra: gimana ga bete aing datang ke indomaret dengan tujuan ingin disapa manja tapi apadaya yang ku dapat hanya sapaan lemas
Tetra: *emot cry superbanyal*
Ocha: TAE LU CURHAT MBA INDOMARET MOLO
Tetra: kok tai *emot cry*
Ocha: dia lemes gegara ngeliat kamu te
Ocha: ngeliat kamu dia jadi pengen boker
Ocha: mungkin mukamu mengingatkannya kepada boker
Ocha: atau mencret diare
Tetra: anj
Tetra: Cha aing sedih
Ocha: kunaps bre
Tetra: tadi aing ke Indomaret tapi engga disapa manja sama mba mba mas mas indomaret :(((
Tetra: ketika saya datang ke Indomaret dan tidak disapa manja oleh mba mba mas mas Indomaret, disitu saya merasa sedih dan hampos
Ocha: anje
Tetra: Cha
Ocha: whut
Tetra: sumpah bahagia pisan Ya Allah
Tetra: disapa manja sama mba-mba Indomaret
Tetra: finally i'm not hampos anymoreee
Tetra: ada yang nyapa astaga
Tetra: mba-mba indomaret aja perhatian, masa doi engga
Ocha: anje
*di grup line*
Hani: Kalo udah pada nyampe rumah kabarin ya cha diq te
Ocha: udah sampe ☺️
Tete: maraneh harus tau....
Tete: aing ditabrak....
Ocha: lah ko bisa? sekarang maneh gimana? ada yang luka parah ga? gimana ceritanya?
Hani: maneh dimana te
Hani: p
Hani: Te
Hani: Te
Tete: udah di rumah
Tete: aing ditabrak masa lalu terus luka-luka di hati
Tete: ehehehehe
ps: itu emang 'anj', bukan anjing, anying, anjir, anjis, anjrit, anjrot, anjos, ato anjay yang disensor.
"Ga ada manusia yang sempurna ya, orang yang baik sama kita belum tentu ga bakal jahat, dan yang jahat belum tentu ga baik."
- Tuti.
Kadang emang gue ngerasa 'nothing' banget sih dibanding temen-temen yang hidupnya superproduktif, yang udah tau where they belong to, yang udah yakin abis sama passion-nya, yang talented abis dan yang prestasinya udah segudang..
Belom tua aja gue udah menyesali masa remaja gue.
Shit.
Kayaknya gue nggak punya something to proud of.
Kayaknya gue belom melakukan apapun selama 16 taun ini. Sementara di luar sana banyak kenalan seumuran gue yang dari sekarang aja udah sukses--jadi artis lah, model majalah, skill fotografinya diakuin sama master fotografi yang gue idolain banget, desainer lah, punya usaha sendiri.. dll.
Hft.
Gue mau cerita. Gue pernah les keyboard sama vokal waktu kelas 4 SD. Gue sebenernya pengen les piano atau gitar elektrik. Simply karena gue suka banget sama lagu-lagu alternative, dan gue mikir kayaknya keren aja kalo cewek maen gitar elektrik, apalagi kalo maenin lagu-lagunya Paramore. Di setiap lagu yang gue denger, gue pasti concern sama part gitar elektriknya. Kelemahan gue, gue gak berani bilang. Mama emang pengen gue bisa keyboard, karena beliau juga bisa keyboard.. Haha. Yaudah, gue jalanin 2 taun les keyboard sama vokal sampe ikutan beberapa konser yang diselenggarain les gue. Gue inget banget lagu dari konser pertama gue adalah I'll Be There-nya Mariah Carey. Konsernya emang cuma diselenggarain di kafe-kafe, tapi gue bersyukur karena dari beberapa pengalaman itu, self-esteem gue tumbuh. Setelah 2 tahun les keyboard, kakak gue nyusul dengan les gitar.. which is something that i wanted to do from the beginning :( Gue nyesel banget kenapa gue nggak 'berani' aja buat minta ke Mama kepengen les gitar. Penyesalan gue nomer 1: ga berani ngutarain keinginan gue.
Taunya kakak gue nggak betah di gitar. Dia pindah jalur ke piano (lagi-lagi yang semulanya keinginan gue!). Gue akhirnya bilang ke mama mau pindah ke piano biar sama kayak kakak gue, dan beliau nyetujuin. Lagian toh keyboard dan piano nggak jauh beda. Kalo inget-inget itu, gue suka ngerasa betapa powerless-nya gue. Betapa 'payah'-nya gue yang selalu ngegantungin pilihan gue sama aksi kakak gue. Mungkin kalo kakak gue nggak pindah ke piano, gue juga nggak bakal minta pindah ke piano dan ngebiarin diri gue stuck di les keyboard yang sebenernya ga gue pengen. Akhirnya gue pindah haluan dan belajar piano sekitar 6 bulan sampe kejadian itu. Suatu hari gue masuk les seperti biasa. Sayangnya gue lupa buat belajar lagu yang di-PR in sama K, guru piano gue. Dan itu udah minggu kedua gue masih ga bisa nguasain lagu itu. Mungkin diperparah sama keadaan dia yang lagi moody, dia marahin gue. Sinis banget, judes banget, pedes banget kata-katanya.
"Saya tuh greget ya, bingung, kamu ngapain aja sih dua minggu ini? Perasaan saya udah capek-capek ngajarin jelas banget minggu lalu dan dua minggu lalu, tapi percuma aja kalo kamu ga latihan. Terus ngapain dong kamu les kalo kamu ga latihan? Mending di rumah aja. Jadi kamu selama ini belajar apa dari les, heh, belajar apa? Heran."
Gue cuma bisa diem. Syok. Sakit hati. Karena yang kedengeran di telinga gue yang masih SD waktu itu tuh kayak
"Goblok banget sih lo!!!"
akhirnya sejak itu gue gak pernah masuk les lagi. Gue ogah ketemu guru les gue. Gue benci banget sama dia. Ini nih yang bikin gue nyesel. Kenapa sih gue harus se-tempe itu waktu dulu? Kenapa sih gue gak punya mental yang baja, yang bikin gue nggak langsung nyerah gitu aja sama les gue? Padahal gue udah setengah jalan banget, dibilang masih basic yaa udah lebih dari itu, tapi dibilang jago juga belum. Padahal itu kesalahan gue juga, gue ga tekun latihan. Penyesalan gue nomer 2: waktu itu gue membiarkan diri gue jadi seorang yang mental tempe dengan nyerah merjuangin apa yang gue suka karena ada penghalang.
Sekarang gue cuma bisa ngiri liat temen-temen gue yang pada jago di bidangnya. Kayak G, temen gue yang jago banget main gitar, yang istilahnya mah anak 'musik' banget parah, yang diminta mainin lagu apapun dalam sekali denger langsung bisa. Atau kayak H yang suaranya bagus banget parah, trofi dimana-mana, dan yang gue denger-denger dia baru lolos seleksi X-Factor kemaren. Kayak O, temen gue yang langganan juara olimpiade sains nyampe tingkat internasional. Kayak M, temen gue yang sadar punya passion di bidang sosial dan jadi aktivis sama relawan dimana-mana.
Ngiri iya. Bangga banget punya temen kayak mereka juga iya.
Semakin ngeliat mereka gue jadi semakin menyesal sama hubungan antara gue dan piano. Atau hubungan gue dengan story-telling. Atau hubungan gue dengan catur. Atau hubungan gue dengan tolak peluru. Atau hubungan gue dengan vokal. Penyesalan gue nomer 3: gue berhenti di tengah jalan di semua bidang yang pernah gue gelutin. I;m the jack of all trades.
Gue pengen jadi salah satu di antara mereka yang jago di bidangnya. Bidang yang lagi gue gelutin sekarang adalah fotografi. Gue cinta fotografi. Mungkin hasil foto gue nggak se-dewa ato semantep orang lain seumuran gue. Gue juga udah sering banget kalah di kompetisi-kompetisi fotografi. Tapi kali ini gue gamau nyerah. Gue nggak mau punya mental tempe lagi yang ngebiarin halangan di depan jadi alasan gue buat menyerah. Gue gak mau berhenti di tengah jalan lagi. Gue gak mau nyesel lagi.
Gue pengen suatu saat orang-orang mengakui kehebatan gue di bidang yang gue jalanin dan bangga punya temen kayak gue dan bilang, "Temen gue yang jago fotografi? Oh ada tuh ada. Ocha."
Gue pengen suatu saat idola gue jadi rival gue.
Mungkin sekarang gue nothing dibanding temen-temen gue, tapi gue berharap gue bisa sabar dengan segala pressure itu dan fokus sama gue sendiri. It may took a long process to transform myself from 'nothing' to be 'something', but i'm sure it would worth the wait.
holy. shit. it's. gonna. be. fucking. epic.
Long were the nights when
My days once revolved around you
Counting my footsteps
Praying the floor won’t fall through, again
And my mother accused me of losing my mind
But I swore I was fine
You paint me a blue sky
And go back and turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game
But you changed the rules everyday
Wonderin’ which version of you I might get on the phone, tonight
Well I stopped pickin’ up and this song is to let you know why
Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone.
Don't you think I was too young
To be messed with?
The girl in the dress
Cried the whole way home, I should've known.
Well maybe it’s me
And my blind optimism to blame
Or maybe it’s you and your sick need
To give love then take it away
And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand
And I'll look back in regret how I ignored when they said,
"Run as fast as you can."
Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone.
Don't you think I was too young
To be messed with?
The girl in the dress
Cried the whole way home
Dear John, I see it all now it was wrong
Don’t you think nineteen’s too young
To be played by your dark, twisted games?
When I loved you so, I should've known.
You are an expert at "Sorry"
And keeping lines blurry
Never impressed by me acing your tests
All the girls that you've run dry have tired lifeless eyes
Cause you've burned them out
But I took your matches
Before fire could catch me
So don’t look now
I’m shining like fireworks
Over your sad empty town
Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone.
Don't you think I was too young
To be messed with?
The girl in the dress
Cried the whole way home
I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young
To be messed with?
The girl in the dress
Wrote you a song, you should’ve known.
You should’ve known
Don’t you think I was too young?
You should’ve known.
-
.....sumpah emang lagu Dear John tuh aing banget.
