They are. And they're not.
Thursday, 16 February 2017
"人間は矛盾でできている。
寂しい。寂しくない。
恋しい。
恋しくない。
People are full of contradictions.
They’re lonely. And then they’re not.
They’re missed.
And then they’re not."
-- tadayoedo shizumazu, saredo naki mo sezu (saezuru tori wa habatakanai) by Yoneda Kou.

@ 9:35 pm
how could anyone not love this man
Saturday, 31 December 2016

Labels:

@ 9:51 pm
#playlist: sleep tight, honey
1. Arrival of the Birds + Transformation - The Cinematic Orchestra
2. Rosyln - Bon Iver & St. Vincent
3. To Build a Home - The Cinematic Orchestra
4. Cornfield Chase - Hans Zimmer
5. O - Coldplay
6. Life - Ludovico Einaudi
7. Bella's Lullaby - Carter Burwell
8. Saturn - Sleeping at Last
9. Dead In The Water - Ellie Goulding
10. Sebuah Percakapan di Sore Hari - Gardika Gigih

Labels: , ,

@ 9:47 pm
wild things
"To me where the wild things are is a place that exists in our minds. It's a place of liberty and shamelessness. It can take a split second or a lifetime to find it. But once you do, you'll be free."

- Alessia Cara

Labels:

@ 9:39 pm
2016: highlight of the year
So 2016 is about 5 hours left. Ngerasa nggak sih tahun ini kayak cepet banget? Buat gue iya. Sebagian orang bilang ketika kita enjoy ngelakuin sesuatu, waktu nggak bakal kerasa berlalu. Does it mean i enjoyed 2016 too much? I don't know. One thing for sure; 2016 mungkin bakal jadi salah satu tahun favorit gue. Too much things happened yet too much lessons learned; both with the easy way and the hard way. By the way, mumpung kebetulan lagi ada di penghujung tahun, gue pengeeen banget nge-review tentang beberapa hal yang considered as higlilight di kehidupan 2016 gue.

1. Meeting new, great, people
Sebenernya dari akhir 2015 sih, tapi yaa kenal bangetnya mulai 2016. Gue kenal banyak temen baru dari conversation class EF gue yang memotivasi gue banget. Kak Yosua, Kak Albert, Kak Daniel (yang ternyata senior SMA ya hm), Kak Andi adalah temen-temen EF yang bikin gue betah buat masuk kelas dibanding kelas sebelumnya. Temenan dan ngobrol sama mereka ngebuat pandangan gue lebih terbuka tentang kehidupan di luar sana. They made me realize that it's such a big world out there and all i ever been explore is less than a step. Ada yang udah bisnis kuliner sendiri, ada yang udah siap-siap ngelanjutin studi abroad, ada yang berhasil ngeraih mimpinya masuk akmil, dll. Btw, kangen makan di upnormal lagi beres EF deh!

2. I'm so much into chillout music this year
It seems like tiap tahun gue doyan genre musik yang berbeda. Tahun 2014 playlist di hp gue full banget sama lagu edm kayak Alesso, Armin Vaan Buren, Madeon, dan David Guetta. Trus tiba-tiba masuk 2015 langsung sebosen itu sama hype-nya edm dan mendadak rajin dengerin folk sama indie mulai dari Banda Neira, Layur, Gardika Gigih, Novo Amor, Amber Run, Bon Iver dan konco-konconya. Trus tahun ini selera musik gue bener-bener mentok di chill-out music mulai dari Alina Baraz, Honne, Ta-Ku, Chet Porter, FKJ, Mothica, dan seisi Majestic Casual, The Sound You Need, etc. Taon depan bisa aja selera musik gue mendadak heavy metal, ato j-pop sekalian.

3. I'm enjoying my senior year
To be honest, kayaknya baru tahun ini gue ngerasa enjoy banget di SMA. No pressure at all buat dateng ke sekolah, ga kayak dulu hoho. Sayang aja kalo gak masuk, udah kelas tiga. Taun terakhir di sekolah. Walaupun tetep kalo gabut langsung cabut hihi. Tambah semangat juga sih semenjak punya resolusi nyobain semua makanan di kantin sebelum gue lulus. Apa banget ya emang.

4. Jadi contributor Cerita Kita & apprentice di Gogirl! (which is majalah kesayangan gueee!!)
Gue se-enggak nyangka itu bisa menang dan jadi contributor buat Cerita Kita dan ditawarin apprenticeship di Gogirl! buat websitenya. Kayaknya gue pernah ngepost ceritanya di blog juga deh. Btw gue baru inget kalo bulan ini adalah bulan terakhir gue jadi contributor :') banyak banget sih pengalaman yang gue dapet selama jadi contributor dan apprenticeship. Mulai dari kebingungan nyari ide artikel, ngebut deadline, cafe-hopping buat bahan artikel (dan sianjir taunya ada cafe yang setelah gue review bulan berikutnya langsung tutup huhuhu) sampe ngerasain gimana rasanya di-underestimate sama orang karena umur dan appearance gue hahaha. Ok skip ntar bete lagi. However, this 7 months been amaaaazeballs to me. (P.S: thank you Kana for the artworks! duh cinta banget sama makhluk paling baik sedunia yg satu ini gangerti lagi)

5. Gak ikut karyawisata SMA, buying myself a camera lens with the money instead
It was such a big decision back then buat ikutan karyawisata atau engga. I didn't feel like i want to, though everybody said it's going to be a chance that will never come twice dan gue bakalan nyesel kalo gak ikut. Akhirnya gue tetep ngikutin kata hati buat gak ikut dan malah make uangnya buat beli lensa kamera yang selama ini gue idam-idamkan. Hehe. No regret!

6. PSP XXI!
Too much emotions and feeling to be described, but all of them are treasured. Jadi sutradara buat La Sociale Production (nama produksi kelas gue) bikin gue lebih kenal sama masing-masing anak kelas yang sebelumnya gue nggak begitu deket. Sumpah sampe sekarang masih inget gimana capeknya latihan sampe malem, degdegan gladi kotor, mikirin keluar masuk talent, mikirin flow mic, mikirin properti, mikirin script, inget paniknya waktu Nonny asmanya mendadak kambuh pas latihan, teriak-teriak ke pemain terutama Oday huhu, diskusi ini itu sama Kana, daaaan masih banyak lagi.

7. Titik terberat dalam hidup timbangan
I gained so much weight this year. Ya gimana nggak, makannya aja kalap mulu, ngemil ga berenti plus doyan makan yang manis manis, Semoga 2017 kurus Ya Allah tolong hamba capek dibully punya lengan gede ataupun paha keefsi.

8. I'm beginning to like coffee so much!
Dulu kayak anti banget sama kopi dan se-stuck itu sama earl grey atau english breakfast. Trus gara-gara kebetulan nge-review tempat ngopi enak di Bandung dan nyobain macem-macem kopi mulai dari yang enak, asem banget, pait dan dari latte biasa, cold brew, sampe manual brewed macem v60 dan syphon-- mendadak jadi suka banget minum kopi & can't help to order a latte everywhere i go! 

9. I'm buying myself a Starbucks tumbler after all these months craving for it
Selalu pengeeen banget punya tumbler Starbucks walaupun selalu bothered sama omongan orang-orang yang bilang kalo gak worth it sama sekali. Kayak tiap hari bakal ke sbux aja. Ya nggak juga sih. Tapi kan tiap tanggal 22 bisa dapet 50% off.... trus lucu lucu tumblernya.... trus ya emang kepengen dari dulu... jadi yaaaa. Akhirnya beli secara impulsif pada suatu siang pulang sekolah walaupun langsung dipoyokin Cindy Hani :') gapapa deh yang penting seneng huehehe.

10. Inten. Inten. Inten. Inten lagi.
It's always been a love-hate relationship. Cinta banget sama tempat les yang satu ini, karena gue baru bener-bener belajar materi sekolah dan ngerti di sini. Gurunya asik, seru, trus gampang ngerti. Trus seneng juga karena sistemnya disiplin banget gitu jadi bikin gue nggak terlalu leha-leha belajar. Tapi kadang itu juga sih yang bikin kesel, terlalu strict sama TO at homenya, progressnya, target TO-nya yang bikin gue gak punya waktu leha-leha. Jadi ya... gitu.

11. Bisnis online shop
Jadi beberapa bulan terakhir ini gue bikin online shop yang jualan masker gitu. Sumpah disini gue baru menyadari kalo berbisnis itu sama sekali nggak mudah dan butuh kesabaran ekstra. Mulai dari konflik sama kakak gue gara gara bisnis itu (yang akhirnya solved juga sih dan emang itu salah gue hu), puyeng sama orang-orang yang utang (jangan pernah mau diutangin even sama temen sendiri kalo bisnis!!), ngeorganize pemasukan pengeluaran, mikir gimana caranya dapet customer, dealing sama customer rese yang modusnya pengen beli eh taunya minta diendorse dan gajadi beli.... pffft. Susah banget ya ternyata jualan... ini aja kayaknya gue udah mau menyerah gegara bosen nunggu pembeli :') payah emang.

12. I happened to have an allergic into cold weather
Beberapa minggu terakhir ini gue mendadak punya alergi sama udara dingin. Iya, dikatakan mendadak karena sebelumnya gue tahan banting sama udara dingin, gak pernah gatel-gatel kayak gini. Eh tapi belum jelas juga sih apakah alerginya karena udara dingin atau makanan tertentu. Hehe sotoy ya gue nyimpulin sendiri. One thing for sure: having an allergic sucks.

13. I'm such a lucky bastard this year
Kayaknya taun ini gue lucky banget ikut kuis ini itu (HAHAHA you might think i'm such a cheapo suka ngarepin menang gratisan) di internet dan selalu menang. Mulai dari dapet hadiah hampers make up, beauty stuff, voucher MAP, daaan lain-lain. Bahkan orang-orang aja sampe bilang gue such a lucky bastard. Ehehehe. Semoga 2017 full of good luck aamiin.

14. Happened to be in an on-off (not) relationship for a year
Karena punya banyak banget kesamaan, menyukai banyak hal dan detail yang sama, pemikiran dan pemahaman yang sama, nyambung dan comfort buat ngobrol, dan hal lainnya nggak ngebuat dua orang harus jadian.

15. Fell in ~( i swear it's not) love (because i don't know how to describe it)~ with a stranger at the first sight
There was this moment when i ~mabal sekolah~ and took the only available train in the station, which happened to be destined to Cicalengka. I didn't feel like i want to go home, nor go to school, so i was impulsively buying myself a ticket to anywhere but home. I met this man on the train, he was sitting in front of me, and all of i ever thought was he had these addicting brown eyes to look at. Small, sharp, brown eyes. Strong jawline. Pointed cheekbones. This dude was generously offering his seat to another lady. He caught me staring and smile. I blushed, turned my head around trying not too look embarassing, awkward. I remember it was Bon Iver singing his song re:stacks on my earphone that moment. Our eyes met multiple times. I was challenged by myself to stare; damn that was such a pair of addicting eyes. He was again, smiling a bit. I kept Bon Iver singing repeatedly on my earphone just because; if it was a movie, than this would be the perfect song to accompany. We didn't talk to each other at all. He walked out of the train earlier. I was secretly watching him passing by the station from the window. He surprisingly turned back his head and then again, our eyes met each other. That was the last time i saw this stranger dude. It's been 10 months since the tragedy but weirdly i still remember his face perfectly. And guess what crossed my mind every single time i listen to Bon Iver's 're:stacks'? The train, and him.

Labels: , , ,

@ 9:34 pm
--
Saturday, 5 November 2016
The idea of having a gap year if i don't get into my dream uni next year started to fill up my thoughts.

Labels:

@ 5:59 pm
surprise yourself

this. is. fucking. beautiful.

Mendengarkan sekaligus menikmati visualisasi video musiknya Jack Garatt yang satu ini bikin saya reminiscing sama jaman-jaman SMP dulu, waktu saya ikut lomba story telling provinsi. All my life people convinced me that i'm not photogenic dan selalu nggak kobe. Saya nggak ngenyangkal, sih, emang bener i always look awkward on photos and on real life. Entah itu dari sekedar gesture atau facial expression. Maybe that's what made me unchoosing theatre as my extraculicular, padahal dulu hampiiirrr banget masuk! Hahaha. Never ever i realized that i was accepted to compete storytelling, apalagi awalnya hanya karena dapet tugas storytelling tampil di depan kelas aja. I made it to top ten in province, actually.

It certainly was one of the best moment ever in my life. Facing my biggest fear, doing things i used to hate, succeed things i was afraid of, doing things what people told me i'm fucking not good at it. It was liberating. It was good. It was beautiful. It was great. Not only i did surprise everyone else, i surprised myself to experience one of the most beautiful thing in life; losing my fear.

So, what's your 'surpising yourself' moment?

Labels: , ,

@ 5:26 pm
she threw it all up
Wednesday, 2 November 2016
She threw it up;
all of them.
Til there were just waters and acid.

She threw it up;
all of them.
Like they were all poison.

She threw it up;
all of them.
Though she felt pathetic and sorry.

She threw it up;
all of them.
Though her tears burst and her stomach hurt.

She threw it up;
all of them.
Cause their words are much more powerful than her love to herself.

She threw it up;
all of them.
Till there's nothing left.
Though she knew it was wrong.

She threw it up;
But still they never stop shouting.


@ 2:29 pm
#octoberjam
Sunday, 30 October 2016

...
and we run,
and we run,
and we run
 until we break through

Labels: , ,

@ 6:13 pm