It's 2020 already. Happy new year! :)

2019 was quite a hell of a year. No pain, no gain, they said. That quote kinda applied on me. It makes me relieved that i gained something this year, not only felt the pain. Lol. Meskipun sebenernya selalu ada sesuatu yang bisa diambil dari setiap hal; mau itu baik atau buruk. It's all about perspective anyway.

Tahun 2019 bisa dibilang merupakan tahun yang berarti banget bagi perkembangan diri gue. A lot of things happened this year. Here are some worth being mentioned.

The birth of Z
Gue akhirnya punya keponakan! :') gosh. I knew, i knew that i would love him! Even before he was born. Gue masih ingat betul momen di rumah sakit di mana Zafran, keponakan gue, dibawa pakai kereta bayi sama suster. My heart dropped seeing his sleeping angelic face that time. Clearly, I fell deeply in love with him at first sight. Not only I see him as my nephew, I see and I love him as if he's my own son. Dengan sekejap dia jadi pusat tata surya keluarga gue. His existence lights up the house. He simply changed not only my sister's life, but mine too. Hadirnya keponakan pertama juga bikin gue turut belajar tentang parenthood and its struggles. 

Pers
Awal tahun 2019 kemarin, gue dengan Aji dan Dida bareng-bareng maju jadi BPH Pers Perfilma. Safe to say that it was one of my best decision of the year. Gue nggak pernah ada niatan maju sampe akhirnya Aji & Dida approach gue. Tahu mereka bakal jadi partner BPH gue, gue nggak mikir begitu panjang. Karena pers juga, gue ketemu sama 13 staf-staf gue yang gue sayaaaang banget. Fai, Nivel, Raka, Cilla, Mey, Vito, Randhika, Muthy, Ica, Afa, Clara, Tiku, dan Sheila. Masing-masing punya karakter yang unik. Gue seneng banget karena pers, gue punya circle dan temen-temen baru yang bikin gue nyaman banget. Never a dull moment with them. Bahkan rapat pun rasanya selalu menyenangkan. Nggak kerasa udah setahun kepengurusan aja. Banyak banget hal yang bisa gue pelajarin dari pers tahun ini. Mulai dari dealing with people with different characteristic, controlling things, bikin suasana kerja yang nyaman bagi staf-staf, belajar gimana jadi temen dan partner kerja yan seharusnya, bagi waktu, dan hal lainnya. I'm glad that we all met and grew together as individuals. Bisa dibilang, mereka adalah salah satu highlight kehidupan kuliah gue.

Taking a rest
Hal terpenting yang gue pelajarin tahun ini adalah istirahat. Sebelumnya, gue nggak ngeh seberapa pentingnya 'istirahat' dari kesibukan sampai pertengahan tahun 2019. Semester 4 somehow kerasa berat banget bagi gue. I went through several emotional breakdowns. I felt tired, I felt exhausted. Beban akademik dan peer pressure tuh nyata adanya di semester 4, ditambah lagi gue sempet ngerasa ngadepin semua itu sendirian, ngerasa lingkungan sekitar gue nggak supportive. I thank God for being 'rescued' by some people. Beberapa orang ini juga yang menyadarkan gue kalo genuine friendship itu eksis dan berhasil membuat gue yakin kalo gue nggak sendirian ngejalanin hidup ini. Having a genuine friendship is indeed is such a beautiful and rare thing. Kembali ke topik. Di saat temen-temen gue memutuskan buat magang di waktu 3 bulan kemarin, gue memutuskan buat taking a rest dan bener-bener pakai waktu tersebut dengan having fun. Do things i haven't tried before. Sangat susah buat nggak ngerasa fear of missing out; seeing my friends are experiencing something new. In this competitive surrounding and the fast-paced life of the capital city, sometimes taking a rest feels like a sin. Apalagi kalo liat kanan-kiri orang-orang pada kerja kerja kerja dan achieving things. Then I listened to what I actually really need. Gue yakin banget bahwa gue bener-bener butuh istirahat dan recharge diri gue. Please mind that there's a difference between taking a rest dan gabut ya. I've been spending most of my days with something related to college and organization throughout my 2 years of college, bahkan saat liburan semester. So what i did during 3 months of semester break? Gue road trip ke Jawa. I went YOLO and colored my hair into pink, blue and ash. Gue gardening bareng mama. Gue ketemu Sulthan dan menghabiskan waktu jalan-jalan, exploring museums, kulineran. Gue belajar main waveboard! Gue baca banyak buku baru. Gue sempet ngelukis lagi (tapi sayangnya ga selesai karena oil-nya abis dan males beli keluar wakaka).  I recharged myself and somehow I felt more alive. I'm glad I did. masuk semester 5, gue bener-bener ngerasa recharged dan semangat ngejalanin perkuliahan, lebih fokus, lebih antusias, dan performance gue jauh lebih baik. Don't get me wrong, this semester was academically hard too, tapi gue ngerasa 'siap' dan mampu jalanin tanpa banyak mengeluh lol. I was in a much better mental and emotional state. Sooo i guess one of the things that 2019 taught me was: you need to listen to yourself and your body, know what you need, dan value konsep 'istirahat' itu sendiri.

Getting out of my comfort zone
Daftar jadi delegasi sebuah event dimana gue ga kenal siapa-siapa dan gaada temen yang sama-sama ikutan nggak bisa dipungkiri bikin gue degdegan. Tapi yaudahlah. Saat-saat kayak gini mengingatkan gue betapa pentingnya buat mandiri dan berani ngelakuin hal baru sendirian. Indeed, we need to get comfortable with going to places and doing things by ourselves so we don't miss out on life waiting on people. Kalo nggak, ya ga bakal bisa maju. Meeting new bunch of people have always been challenging (i'm an INTJ, remember?). Anxious buat instantly mingle with other people who sometimes already knew each other. Tapiii seneng banget karena i went through those things quite smoothly. Gue justru ketemu temen-temen baru dari univ lain, we kept in touch, cobain simulasi mediasi dan nyusun strategi negosiasi, belajar banyak tentang tema yang dibawain. Such a whole new thing. Di akhir tahun, gue soide lagi nyobain bikin legal memorandum buat call for paper. Lagi-lagi sendiri, di saat kebanyakan partisipan lainnya teamed up. Turned out i got the second best. Pas banget di saat gue ngerasa butuh validasi if i'm ever worthy to study in law school. Ini bukan apa-apa sih, bukan sesuatu yang besar juga, tapi cukup berarti mendorong kepercayaan diri gue & yakinin gue kalo gue bisa kok achieve things dengan kerja keras.

It's not about what i've achieved or what i've done in 2019. It was the progress that amazed me. Gue ngerasa gue jauh lebih mengenal dan lebih value diri gue sendiri, including the vulnerable part of myself di tahun ini. Gue juga bersyukur dipertemukan orang-orang yang kayaknya-tanpa-mereka-gue-bisa-gila dan membuat gue sangat value the concept of friendship. Gue ngerasa gue udah bisa mengakhiri 2019 dengan damai dengan mental and emotional state yang stabil. I'm glad for everything that happened in 2019. Indeed it was quite a hell of a year, but I'm thankful that it made me progress a lot.

To 2020 and many more great, unexpected, valuable things to happen; I can't see what this year would taught and made me become. CHEERS!