newly braced teeth defines real effing pain.
geez :(
The day ran out heavily & all i need right now is an effing aspirin...
I wish i could live in Forks or Glasgow. Alasannya? Simple. Karena banyak hujan! They are even considered as the wettest place in their countries, dan gue sangat mencintai hujan. This drought bore me to death.. really. Pengen cepet-cepet musim hujan...
Hujan, menurut para klimatolog mungkin cuma sekedar fenomena alam. Menurut para puitis, dia inspirasi untuk syair-syair barunya. Menurut para melankolis, dia meresonansi kenangan. Menurut sebagian orang, dia itu kesialan, penghambat aktivitas. Menurut para petani, dia anugerah. Menurut para pencinta sinetron, dia penyamar air mata kesedihan. Kayaknya gue masuk ke tipe melankolis. Hujan itu, menurut gue, romantis. I feel bad for them who couldn't feel 'something' in rain. Kayak kata Bob Marley, 'some people feel the rain, others just get wet'. The thing about rain is... gue punya cara tersendiri buat menikmatinya.
Recipe #1
Hujan + sweater + jendela yang kebuka + bantal duduk + secangkir teh panas (i prefer earl grey karena wanginya enak) + good music + (INI YANG PALING PENTING) nikmatin hujannya, biarin pikiran kamu automatically berkontemplasi.
Good music di situ maksudnya musik yang tepat buat didengerin waktu hujan. And i do have the playlist of it hehehehehe. In case you want to try, i suggest you to hear:
1. Gardika Gigih - Sebuah Percakapan di Senja Hari
2. Gardika Gigih - Pada Tiap Senja
3. Layur - Dawn
4. Layur - Interlude
5. Gabriella Aplin - Salvation
6. Banda Neira - Hujan di Mimpi
7. Adhitia Sofyan - After the Rain
8. Lykke Li - Possibility
9. Ludvig Moon - Swim Dream
10. Coldplay - Us Against the World
11. Coldplay - Atlas
12. Gardika Gigih - Stars In Us
13. Layur - Suara Awan
14. Layur - Are You Awake?
15. The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build A Home
16. The Cinematic Orchestra - Arrival of the Birds + Transformation
PS: kalau nggak pas hujan pun, PLIS DENGERIN LAGU-LAGU DI ATAS, sambil buka rainymood. plis banget.... i want you to feel the greatness of music + rain. i want you to grace both rain and music. it's magical.
oh did i mention that i have 2 recipes?
Recipe #2
Rain + go somewhere whom anyone can't see you exist + let yourself get wet + scream it + laugh it + cry it + feel it.
Oh i really hope you can feel 'something' about rain and grace about it :)
Aku: mah mah denger ini ada quote melankolis banget dari Gagar Asmara
Aku: 'aku selalu senang ketika hujan turun. Menurutku, hujan adalah cara Tuhan menyapa insan yang kesepian'
Aku: ih bener banget lah mah keren pisyooong. ohiya osya suka hujan hayoh. suka banget kalo tiap kali ada hujan. suka denger suara hujannya, hawanya, aroma tanah yang kena hujan. romantis banget ya. mama suka hujan ga?
Mamah: mamah mah tiap kali hujan.... selalu kepikiran kontrakan mamah bocor ato engga
Aku: :((((((
Aku: Bibiii mau emih
Bibi: Iya neng.. bentar
Aku: Hah bibi kenapa!? Ko nangis?
Bibi: Iya neng barusan nonton pilem india Ya Allah sedih pisan ngga kuat bibi nontonnya
Aku: :')
Mamah: GEMPA! LARI KE LUAR SEMUANYA
Aku: Hah iya gitu?! Tunggu!!! *buka twitter* *update tweet 'ADA GEMPA!!!'*
bego emang.
*ngasih ongkos angkot*
mang angkot: neng, kurang gope. harusnya seribu gope
aku: oh yayaa nih *ngasih struk alfamart* *KABOOOR*
jahiliyah emang.
*mang baso lewat depan rumah*
aku: *teriak dari jendela atas* MAAAANGGG
mang mang baso: *liat kanan kiri depan belakang nyari sumber suara*
aku: GA BELIIIII *ngumpet*
jahiliyah emang.
A: and what's so wrong with living in a dream world?
M: well, one day you have to wake up
See the picture above?
I believe this place was magical.
I can feel my heart gets warm when i memorize about my life there.
I can feel my lips automatically smiled when i passed through there.
Because there's something that pulls me back to this place.
Not even a second i didn't wish to go back there.
It was much more than just a school nor building.
It's a home.
At home, i left a piece of my heart.
do what makes you happy & let people do what make them happy.
seems a fun thing to do, yaaa. i think i'm going to do this one on my blog
yesterday's sky was magical, wasn't it?
If you found a girl in a high school uniform on J.Co on monday / friday around 3pm-5pmish, sitting alone with bunches of comic books or novel or laptoping while having tea or donuts, that's probably me.
Single. Miserable. Teenager.
Pernah nggak sih ngalamin fase dimana everything seems run perfectly, but empty as well. Keknya semua orang juga pernah deh ya? Hidup gue (hari ini gue lagi pengen manggil diri gue 'gue') kayaknya udah nggak exciting lagi akhir-akhir ini. Semuanya berjalan konstan, ibarat mobil yang nggak berubah laju kecepatannya. Maka terdapat hukum Newton I dalam hidup gue sekarang dimana resultan gaya yang bekerja pada hidup = 0.
anjir.. sotoy abis gue mengkolerasikan realita hidup sama teori physics.
hahahahahaha enek.
Okay, jadi gue pikir i need to put something fresh and new in my life. Some people said i need to find 'someone' that could brighten my life up. Simpelnya.. pacar. Entahlah, gue nggak berpikir itu ide yang bagus, karena gue rasa selama ini punya pacar ataupun engga, hidup gue nggak berubah. Weirdly i even thought that i haven't had a first love yet tho. So, having a relationship with someone ain't guaranteed any changes in my life. Lagipula lagi enjoy begini.
Some people said i need to do everything in my life in a different way. Such as, if you usually brush your teeth with your right hand, change it with your left hand. Take a different path on your way to school. Travel somewhere you have never been gone before. I DID all of those things but none of them significantly matters.
Some people said i need to get out of the routines. So i skipped school. But it didn't thrill me as well. My mum doesn't even care if i skip school.
Some people said i need to put a new activity in my life. So i enrolled an english course where i can meet new people with different ages & different perspectives. But it ended up by meeting an asshole who's underestimating my choice for picking social studies in school. It broke my whole mood.
Kudu gimana ya biar ga ngerasa 'kosong' begini..
Meet Nyle Dimarco, one of the America's Next Top Model S22 contestants whom I admirrrrrrre the most.
I mean. Look at him. He's probably the most beautiful creature that God has ever created.
GEEZ.
Szooooo happy that i got a day off (tho i don't go anywhere). Finally finally finally there's a day that i could skip Trout's class, my annoying teacher. I need to censor his name so i called him Trout. Yes, Trout the fish. I have been mad at him for weeks. I have NEVER mad at a teacher this bad. I kinda feel durhaka to be angry to a teacher but WHY WHY WHY does he have to be so cruel and sarcastic and annoying and sucks?!?!?! I would be so glad, SO GLAD to give him a trophy for 'Cruelest Teacher in the Entire Milky Way' award.
Okay calm down, Zaskia Osya.
You need to relax
and
you need to try
to not influence people who read this post
with negative vibes.
Geez.
Who the fuck cares anyway it's my journal!
Some of you might wonder what happened between me and Trout.. or maybe not.
with negative vibes.
Geez.
Who the fuck cares anyway it's my journal!
Some of you might wonder what happened between me and Trout.. or maybe not.
There was him sitting in front of the class, mentioning names whose task hadn't been completed. He mentioned my name at the end. So i went to the front and ask him which task did i miss, and what he said was...
"Halah apaan kamu mah tiga tiganya juga belom! Pemales nggak pernah ngerjain tugas. Mau jadi apa kamu pemales. Liat nih nilainya kosong semua. Kamu nggak niat di pelajaran saya atau gimana."
Lah gua bingung kan perasaan tugas udah dikerjain semua. Then I rechecked my task book if there's any task that i hadn't finished yet. But i finished all of them, there even was his signatures on the papers. I thought maybe he had forgotten to input my score to his score list. So i brought my task book to him.
"Pak ini tugas saya udah selesai semua tiga-tiganya. Tanda tangan Bapak juga ada. Mungkin Bapak lup--"
i didn't even finish my sentence because he interrupted,
"Kumpulin."
"Mungkin Bapak lupa masukin ke daftar nilai."
"IYA YAUDAH KUMPULIN."
Sambil ngelengos. Judes. Jutek.
Sabar....
And the next week after it happened again.
Trout mentioned the name whose task still hadn't been completed, and there was my name.. again...
He even said "Ini kok tugasnya yang saya panggil belum masuk masuk ya dari minggu lalu, gimana sih kok nggak niat belajar kalian pemales semua. Apalagi ini nih yang masih kosong semua... Zaskia. Pemales." in front of the class. And in all of a sudden everyone's eyes pointed at you.
"Pak memang tugas saya yang mana lagi ya, yang belum? Udah saya kumpulin bukunya kemarin dan udah semua."
"Ya nggak tau ini buktinya masih kosong semua, pemales."
Ya gimana gua gak malu.
I went to his desk with my task book, trying to not spilt out all of the curses.
"Pak, ini tugas saya udah semua. Ini tugas yang pertama.. ini yang kedua, ini yang ketiga. Bahkan udah ditandatangan sama Bapak. Dari dua minggu lalu juga sudah. Saya gak pemales Pak. Bapak kayaknya lupa lagi buat masukin nilai saya ke daftar nilai."
Trout didn't even want to look at neither me nor my task book.
"YAAA UDAAAAH. KUMPULIIIIN AJAAAA."
Gue nggak heran kalo dia nggak mau minta maaf. Mungkin dia malu ato gengsi.
Yang gue heran KENAPA SIH NADANYA MASIH JUTEK AJAAA?
He didn't even feel guilty about what he has done; for embarassing myself in front of the class. He didn't even admit his wrong.
Najong. Tai.
To be honest, in all of a sudden, i lose all my respect for you, Sir Trout. Gue bahkan udah nggak peduli kalo dia adalah orang yang seharusnya gue hormati. Entah karena posisi dia sebagai guru gue ataupun orang yang lebih tua dari gue. To me, your 'religious' label didn't represent your actions.
So.
Thank God.
Thank you so much for giving me a precious opportunity; to not seeing his face this week. To not letting me spilting out the bad curses.
I'm grateful.
"Halah apaan kamu mah tiga tiganya juga belom! Pemales nggak pernah ngerjain tugas. Mau jadi apa kamu pemales. Liat nih nilainya kosong semua. Kamu nggak niat di pelajaran saya atau gimana."
Lah gua bingung kan perasaan tugas udah dikerjain semua. Then I rechecked my task book if there's any task that i hadn't finished yet. But i finished all of them, there even was his signatures on the papers. I thought maybe he had forgotten to input my score to his score list. So i brought my task book to him.
"Pak ini tugas saya udah selesai semua tiga-tiganya. Tanda tangan Bapak juga ada. Mungkin Bapak lup--"
i didn't even finish my sentence because he interrupted,
"Kumpulin."
"Mungkin Bapak lupa masukin ke daftar nilai."
"IYA YAUDAH KUMPULIN."
Sambil ngelengos. Judes. Jutek.
Sabar....
And the next week after it happened again.
Trout mentioned the name whose task still hadn't been completed, and there was my name.. again...
He even said "Ini kok tugasnya yang saya panggil belum masuk masuk ya dari minggu lalu, gimana sih kok nggak niat belajar kalian pemales semua. Apalagi ini nih yang masih kosong semua... Zaskia. Pemales." in front of the class. And in all of a sudden everyone's eyes pointed at you.
"Pak memang tugas saya yang mana lagi ya, yang belum? Udah saya kumpulin bukunya kemarin dan udah semua."
"Ya nggak tau ini buktinya masih kosong semua, pemales."
Ya gimana gua gak malu.
I went to his desk with my task book, trying to not spilt out all of the curses.
"Pak, ini tugas saya udah semua. Ini tugas yang pertama.. ini yang kedua, ini yang ketiga. Bahkan udah ditandatangan sama Bapak. Dari dua minggu lalu juga sudah. Saya gak pemales Pak. Bapak kayaknya lupa lagi buat masukin nilai saya ke daftar nilai."
Trout didn't even want to look at neither me nor my task book.
"YAAA UDAAAAH. KUMPULIIIIN AJAAAA."
Gue nggak heran kalo dia nggak mau minta maaf. Mungkin dia malu ato gengsi.
Yang gue heran KENAPA SIH NADANYA MASIH JUTEK AJAAA?
He didn't even feel guilty about what he has done; for embarassing myself in front of the class. He didn't even admit his wrong.
Najong. Tai.
To be honest, in all of a sudden, i lose all my respect for you, Sir Trout. Gue bahkan udah nggak peduli kalo dia adalah orang yang seharusnya gue hormati. Entah karena posisi dia sebagai guru gue ataupun orang yang lebih tua dari gue. To me, your 'religious' label didn't represent your actions.
So.
Thank God.
Thank you so much for giving me a precious opportunity; to not seeing his face this week. To not letting me spilting out the bad curses.
I'm grateful.
i thought i was becoming an asshole for feeling empty (and disgrace) despite my whole life runs perfectly.
i assumed it's sourced from the way i live. i live everyday in order, constantly. nothing excites me at all. life doesn't excite me these past months.
i wanted to be a child (again). i mean; when i was kid, i easily got excited by small things. it's horrible for being a grown up. everything seems so boring.
i live in routines. but i can't find a way to get out from my comfort zone.
i need to meet someone new. i need to go to new places and get lost and discover the true me.
i need to found myself.
efffffff i think i'm just being a real teenager who got lost and try to find themself.
life has been effed up these days.
