Do you know why people like violence? It is because it feels good. Humans find violence deeply satisfying. But remove the satisfaction, and the act becomes... hollow.
fall in love level: jamming sheila on 7's songs on my bed room, dancing solo crazily
DON'T YOU LOVE IT WHEN U GOT NOTICEDDDDDDD
i love listening to music. i think music has a great power to change people or situation. it bonds us together, it alters emotion, it delivers feelings, it builds a certain vibe. i think music isn't just simply affects our brain, it affects our lives too. there's gotta be a particular song that makes us feel a certain way. and this one, never fails to make me feel so alive. since 2010.
Troye's new song blew my mind off and i can't help it but re-watching and re-listening it for thousand times. And i always love the way he dance.
don't know what to do at the moment. writing about my current favs instead.
1. The End of the F***ing World
Ini gapenting, but before it was hype, gue nonton dari hari pertama premiere di Netflix! Bukan karena trailernya yang emang 'ngundang' orang-orang buat nonton film ini, tapi karena ada Alex Lawther! Gue obsessed sama Alex Lawther ever since dia main jadi Alan Turing kecil di The Imitation Game (aka my fav movieeee all time setelah Interstellar).
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| young alan turing and christopher |
His british accent on The Imitation Game kinda turned me on though... and it didn't change at all on this series! It's quite hard to describe him. He's creepy, cold, weird, and pretty... and handsome. Let's just say him pretty handsome shall we (because why not both)? As for Alyssa, she and her selfish traits kinda annoyed me! Tapi kalo gak selfish, impulsif dan kompleks, it wouldn't make her character as bold as she is right now. Hal lain yang gue suka dari film ini selain cast dan characternya adalah plotnya yang cukup unik, dan sinematografinya yang aesthetically pleasing! There's sort of vintage vibes in the movie that quite reminds me of Tarantino's movies.
However, TEOTFW would be a nice try for your easy sunday movie, though.
Another tv series yang lagi gue tonton: Black Mirror, Dear White People, Freaks and Geeks, dan How to Get Away with the Murderer.
2. Currently watching several TV Shows
Akhirnya ga US Masterchef dan America's Next Top Model lagi, haha. Gue suka banget nonton The Amazing Race, Beauty and the Geek, Little Big Shots (dan baru tau ada versi Indo-nya juga
Semenjak rajin nonton tv shows ini, cita-cita gue adalah ikutan The Amazing Race.
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Next. Beauty and the Geek. TV shows Australia ini udah lama sebenernyaaa. Dulu gue nonton di TV tapi ga selesai. Jujur sebenernya gue ga suka-suka banget sama tv show ini karena somehow begitu offending dan menggeneralisasi beauty as smart dan nerd as ugly. Acara ini juga drama banget kayak The Bachelor. Tapi gue seneng aja ngeliat makeover nerds-nya yang asalnya culun (gatau beneran culun atau dibuat penampilannya seperti itu. kayaknya sih... sengaja) jadi ganteng. One person that amazed me was Gilbert, dari B&G season 3. In case you're wondering, coba deh liat di youtube. This TV show is not my fav, tapi boleh lah kalo lagi bosen dan butuh nonton sesuatu yang light.
Ada kesamaan di antara Little Big Shots dan Child Genius, yaitu nunjukin anak-anak kecil yang hebat. Little Big Shots bikin gue kagum sama anak-anak kecil yang talented abis, jokesnya Steve Harvey lucu, dan yaah.. entertaining. Meanwhile nonton Child Genius bikin gue ikut stres ngeliat bocah bocah yang born as a genius berkompetisi satu sama lain, dicekokin pelajaran dan dipaksa aiming highest scores as if it's the only thing that matters. Tapi ya bikin gue kagum (sekaligus ngerasa debu) juga nontonnya.
Another tv show yang gue suka banget nontonnya adalah Unique Sweets & Guilty Pleasures . SOOO PLEASING & MOUTH-WATERING NONTONNYA. And it's funny how the hosts are so dramatic and hilarious while describing the foods.
Last but not least gue lagi suka nonton The Story of God-nya Morgan Freeman. Bisa ditonton di National Geographic, basically acara ini nunjukin perjalanannya Morgan Freeman keliling dunia buat belajar berbagai agama dan nyari eksistensi Tuhan. So insightful.
3. I created a Youtube channel
Impulsivity. Isinya cuma video iseng yang gue buat dan playlist sih. Tapi boleh laah mampir trus like atau subscribe? Type my name, okkk. Or simply click this link.
4. I'm beginning to run again
Back then in junior high school, terutama kelas 9, gue sukaaa banget lari dan olah raga di rumah. Seminggu bisa beberapa kali. School made me do it sih sebenernya. Di SMP gue selalu ada ujian lari dan kalo ga lulus batas waktu minimal bakal disuruh remedial (dan lari ulang, sigh) jadi mau ga mau harus latihan lari. Lama kelamaan jadi rutin. Tapi begitu masuk SMA dan PE-nya nggak begitu 'serius' gitu, itungannya gue ga pernah olah raga selama SMA wkwkw yang ada malah mabal atau cule lari bareng sama Ami. On this holiday semester, i'm forcing my body to run and do sports again. Sedih banget badan gue langsung sakit sakittt huhu karena sejarang itu olah raga. Tapi gapapa for the healthier me!!! (major reason-nya sih sebenernya karena baju-baju gue udah sempit dan pada gak muat.... hehehehe. Bye.).
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| RUN FORREST RUN |
my life is a paradox. i often found two contrast sides on everything i do, or feel.
i don't like kids in general. i just happened to have a thought that kids are simply not everyone's cup of tea. as in for me, i don't like kids when they cry, when they're getting cranky about things, or how most of them are so clumsy on everything. it's weird though, how i don't really like kids, whereas i was once a kid, too. my sister said wanting to have kids is not yet such a deal for my age. well, that's quite rational and acceptable though. but, seeing the fact that i don't like kids, meantime i already imagined my future babies' names, is a paradox. and it comes with plural, okay? names, not name. both boys' and girls', the first, the second even the third. geez. last week there was this viral video on the internet about a poor kid, being abused by his parents and i cried so hard in my room, feeling sorry. watching that video made me feel two things. i want to have kids; so i can pour out all my affection to him, things the previous abused kid didn't have. meantime, i'm afraid to have kids; i'm scared seeing the fact that right now i can't stand by near any kids (and kids don't like me too), and i'm scared that i'm not capable enough to be a decent parent. i also thought it's such a paradox how the world works. there are many people that is struggling to have kids or getting pregnant, yet the number of assholes who just simply don't deserve kids are easily given kids. i see kids are blessings who need to be cherished. but having them.. is a hard work, it's a big deal that need to be considered. kids are cute sometimes, kids aren't most of the times. for now.
the way that i fall in love is just so strange. the way i figure it out, i always seek for ways to be around my crush. but when i do, i don't want to be anywhere near him. not seeing my crush makes me anxious, being near him makes my stomach hurts that i don't want to be with him. i wanted to act normally, talk normally, and look normally, but i always ended up getting too nervous to start a casual talk and naturally being a bitch who doesn't talk a lot. i want him to know me as a whole, but i also want him to see me as if i'm cool. tee hee. i want him to notice me, but i also don't want to be noticed cause it makes me busy thinking the way i look and the way i talk and the way i act and everything and that's make me not the way i am. few days ago he was offering a ride and i said no, when i wanted to say yes so much. i want to love. i don't want to fall.
i enjoy solitude... among the crowds. that's why i often hang out by myself on the mediocre-crowd coffee shops. i hate crowds, but i hate being alone in my solitude.
i'd like being noticed. i don't want to be exposed.
want to change. don't want things to change.
one day i feel empty. the next day i feel fulfill, alive.
i'd like being noticed. i don't want to be exposed.
want to change. don't want things to change.
one day i feel empty. the next day i feel fulfill, alive.
"Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. So anyone who's in love gets sad when they think of their lover. It's like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven't seen in a long time."
- Haruki Murakami, on Kafka on the Shore.
why is it so hard to feel content and enough of ourselves?
who would ever thought a song about sex could be so deeply, emotionally attaching?
p.s: i prefer the soundcloud version
unconsciously, we were alterating
unwittingly, the more we tried; the messier it got
unstoppably, was how we were into each other; til distance happened
uncanny, how us is no longer you and i
this morning, rain, and an impulsive road trip
