this question popped at me a few years ago:
if you ever have to choose whether to be a big fish in a small pond or to be a small fish in a big pond; what would you choose?
ever since i go to college, i came into realization and finally get to know the answer.
this pond, where i live right now, is a huge one. and there are lots, and lots of big fish. being a small one might be hard at the beginning, and it's just getting harder everyday. every big fish around me made me nothing but constantly look down on myself. deep down, i know, it's not the right thing to do. being around great people supposedly make me strive and thrive for greatness. instead, i was just complaining, letting that wicked part of my mind shrinking myself down to the bottom. it took me long enough to realize i just wasted my time by letting the idea of myself living in a mediocrity indoctrinate me. all i did was constantly comparing myself with other people, instead of just accepting the way i am; and giving myself the opportunity to slowly making progress on my own path.
this proved me how powerful the negative mind is. and how toxic it is to our mind, to our mental health, to our life.
it seemed like i just woke up.
take a step back to the question,
if you ever have to choose whether to be a big fish in a small pond or to be a small fish in a big pond; what would you choose?
take a step back to the question,
if you ever have to choose whether to be a big fish in a small pond or to be a small fish in a big pond; what would you choose?
it's not going to be easy. in fact, it would be a hard, difficult path. but in order to grow up, i need to choose to be a small fish in a big pond.
Halo. Ini hari keempat gue di Depok setelah menghabiskan hampir dua bulan liburan semester di Bandung.
Lalu sekarang gue mulai kangen Bandung...
Though i used to hate the city, the people, the weather.
Kelamaan liburan bikin gue demotivasi kuliah. Mood gue masih terselip di antara sesi ngopi sore di Mr. Guan bareng Cynti minggu lalu. Masih juga keselip di antara sesi foto random bareng Rasyid, Hani, Tuti, dan Olin di Tahura. Sisa-sisanya ketinggalan di kantin SMA 2, di kamar mama, dan di Kineruku.
Setelah hampir dua bulan terlepas dari kehidupan kuliah yang seinget gue terakhir kali sangatlah stressful (yaiyalah halo uas), terus balik lagi dan mulai kuliah lagi, i've been dealing with my own thoughts. Nggak tau kenapa all these thoughts tentang keberadaan gue di sini, tujuan gue, dan hal-hal lain mulai ngusik banget. Is this the place where i really belong? Is this what i really wanted to do? Most importantly, kenapa sih gue selalu mempertanyakan hal-hal kayak gini setiap kali gue memulai sesuatu? Like i was never sure of myself. Like i always doubt my decision. Waktu gue SMP, gue selalu bilang ga betah. Eh ternyata betah banget sampai pas masuk SMA, gue bilang masa SMA sucks abis, benci SMA, ngerasa nggak fit in, ngerasa gak nyaman. Begitu gue lulus SMA, gue baru sadar masa SMA gue seru banget, so great that i'd repeat those times twice (kalo bisa. tapi ya gabisa). Trus sekarang gue kuliah dan jiwa gue masih ketinggalan di SMA, masih ketinggalan di Bandung. I feel it's hard for me to have peace with my own mind, to live the life that i have right now without looking back to the past. I've done repeating "ini hidup lo yang sekarang loh, cha. jalanin yang sekarang sehidup-hidupnya elo, jangan dikit-dikit ngebalik ke belakang" several times but it's just so.. hard? Like it's keep coming back into my thoughts.
