Halo. Ini hari keempat gue di Depok setelah menghabiskan hampir dua bulan liburan semester di Bandung.

Lalu sekarang gue mulai kangen Bandung...

Though i used to hate the city, the people, the weather.

Kelamaan liburan bikin gue demotivasi kuliah. Mood gue masih terselip di antara sesi ngopi sore di Mr. Guan bareng Cynti minggu lalu.  Masih juga keselip di antara sesi foto random bareng Rasyid, Hani, Tuti, dan Olin di Tahura. Sisa-sisanya ketinggalan di kantin SMA 2, di kamar mama, dan di Kineruku.

Setelah hampir dua bulan terlepas dari kehidupan kuliah yang seinget gue terakhir kali sangatlah stressful (yaiyalah halo uas), terus balik lagi dan mulai kuliah lagi, i've been dealing with my own thoughts. Nggak tau kenapa all these thoughts tentang keberadaan gue di sini, tujuan gue, dan hal-hal lain mulai ngusik banget. Is this the place where i really belong? Is this what i really wanted to do? Most importantly, kenapa sih gue selalu mempertanyakan hal-hal kayak gini setiap kali gue memulai sesuatu? Like i was never sure of myself. Like i always doubt my decision. Waktu gue SMP, gue selalu bilang  ga betah. Eh ternyata betah banget sampai pas masuk SMA, gue bilang masa SMA sucks abis, benci SMA, ngerasa nggak fit in, ngerasa gak nyaman. Begitu gue lulus SMA, gue baru sadar masa SMA gue seru banget, so great that i'd repeat those times twice (kalo bisa. tapi ya gabisa). Trus sekarang gue kuliah dan jiwa gue masih ketinggalan di SMA, masih ketinggalan di Bandung. I feel it's hard for me to have peace with my own mind, to live the life that i have right now without looking back to the past. I've done repeating "ini hidup lo yang sekarang loh, cha. jalanin yang sekarang sehidup-hidupnya elo, jangan dikit-dikit ngebalik ke belakang" several times but it's just so.. hard? Like it's keep coming back into my thoughts.