"why do you think people have to go to college?"

"...to learn?"

i know... judge me shallow.

"really? learn about what?"

"umm.. their majors."

"i don't think we really have to go to college to learn. especially in this era where we could just google everything."

"right. but in some cases, some things are just couldn't be googled. google doesn't have a real life experience in their jobs. google can't answer my follow up questions about my lecturer's personal thought about some issues."

"anything else? reasons why people have to go to college?"

"i'm not naive, i'm also here pursuing my degree, cause most jobs require us to have one."

"right. anyway, do you wanna know what i've taught my children why do they should go to college?"

though i wasn't exactly interested, i said yes.

"i said to them, 'most important thing college will teach you is to think systematically and structurally. also, you'll learn that answering correctly isn't as important as asking the right question and answering the exact question. it'll also shape your personality and intelligence'."

i didn't realize until now that what he said was right. seeing how things are going right now, i could see clearly how not everyone is capable both to ask the right question and answer to the exact question. sometimes my lecturers got pissed off when the students answer in an over-analytical way when the question was just as simple as a "yes or no" or "is it or is it not".

the thing that the gojek driver has (indirectly) taught me was also something i hold onto every time i got lost to find the answer of "why am i fucking here" or something like that. it doesn't matter if the major fits you or not, college will always have something to make you realize things (this is me trying to see the bigger picture--and a way to not regretting law school). there's always something to learn from anything after all. but to me personally, at this point, in my 6th semester, i'm glad that college really has shaped my way of thinking, develop my emotional quotient (esp when it comes to studying in group and organizational tasks), and enhanced my self-awareness.

college has never been easy. but i found myself in there, along the way.

one afternoon two years ago, mama asked me what my favorite flower was. i told her i fond of sunflowers. little did i know she was becoming interested in gardening. a few weeks later when i got home, a couple sunflowers embedded on the pots at my balcony. she said alone she had been planted, watered and weeded 'em every day. she grew it for me.

this covid-19 pandemic situation sucks, indeed. perkuliahan jarak jauh bikin situasi kadang jauh lebih capek dibanding kelas biasanya. tugas gue jadi lebih banyak, ujian lebih kecot dan traumatis, kelas online yang ga kondusif (beberapa mata kuliah gue bahkan semacam abandoned oleh dosen), bikin mata gue pusing juga most of time of the day mantengin laptop. ah, not to mention prapid & prapid just got cancelled. sedih banget gaada memori mooting di semester 6. meskipun dulu (waktu kuliah tatap muka) capek tiap hari pulang malem gara-gara latihan prapid praper, jujur gue enjoy banget jalaninnya. nggak cuma dari segi akademis, gue juga dibikin parno tiap hari karena situasi ini. selalu ngerasa kotor lah, pusing dikit parno, batuk dikit degdegan.

things have changed a lot.

but it wasn't all bad though, if we try to look the other way.

situasi class from home bikin gue ga harus catokan tiap hari. nor wearing any make ups. nor even wearing a bra. i no longer spend too much time deciding what should i wear to class that day; karena toh ga ada yang liat juga lewat zoom. i could wear my buluk t-shirt and boxer every single day. makan masakan mama tiap hari; bukannya warteg deket kosan gue yang menunya itu-itu aja (dan gue yang milihnya itu-itu aja). get to spend time with my baby nephew. gue juga jadi punya aktivitas baru. gardening has become my morning routine for this past couple of weeks. hmmm technically, gue cuma bantuin (baca: disuruh) metikin / panen aja sih hehe. did i ever mention that my mom loves gardening? mama telaten banget soal ngurus kebunnya. it's not exactly a garden though, karena letaknya justru di balcony. so far, gue udah panen sawi, bayam, sama kangkung. kalo gak karena gue tiap hari di rumah dan disuruh ngurus kebun, kayaknya gue ga bakal tau bentuk ketiga jenis sayur itu sebelum dimasak gimana muahahaha.

things have changed too in my family.

to be frank, i couldn't recall when was the last time my family gathers on weekdays. ada di rumah bareng mba ajeng, mba yaya, dan papa sehari-hari di rumah somehow feels a lil bit strange... yet it feels so warm. like those good ol days; childhood days. udah lama ga ngalamin berantem rebutan ayam mana yang lebih besar atau paling banyak kulitnya, nyusun plan snack apa yang kita buka hari ini-besok-lusa, rebutan siapa yang tidur sama boba, saling nungguin biar bisa makan siang bareng, kumpul deketan dan ngobrol di ruang tv meskipun kadang masing-masing juga concern sama buku/gadget/aktivitas masing-masing. well, i must say being able to be home with my family is the most luxurious thing i obtained from this covid-19 situation.