am i a pathethic?

because i feel like one. i always feel like one.

am i miserable?

because i feel like one. i always feel like one.

am i so disgraceful?

because i feel like one. i always feel like one.

i always wonder what He prepared behind these rough times i've been through. i hate high school. i always do. i hate that i'm feeling so sad all the time by knowing there's something in me that missing since i walked into this place.

I hate that i can't beat up the insecurity, the anger, and the negativities. I always feel bad, and pathethic that i can't fight the demons that lie inside. It lies so deep that i'm afraid it already sinks or grow it's own roots inside me.

this isn't me and this isn't what i wanted or imagined. I'm sorry about my selfishness. But I travel day by day holding something heavy in my back that it probably could break by backbones.

God,

how do i know that these rough days will make me a better person? because i feel weak. or worse, fragile.

this emptiness killing me slowly inside.