so today

PSP

9:51 PM

Halo, semuanya!


Nggak kerasa udah mau bulan mei lagi. Bulan ke-5. Resolusi saya di awal tahun 2016 buat nulis tiap minggu dengan embel-embel 52 weeks blog challenge ternyata lapur gitu aja jadi sebatas wacana hahaha. Tae banget. Sebenernya pengen banget bisa ngeblog rutin tiap minggu, tapi apadaya kadang lupa atau nggak sempet. Anyway, rutinitas dan kesibukan saya akhir-akhir ini disponsorin sama kegiatan PSP di sekolah. Bisa dibilang, kesibukan PSP ini jadi wake up call saya kalo saya sekarang lagi di masa SMA. Entah gimana ya, tapi saya baru ngerasa momen SMA dimulai semenjak kegiatan PSP ini dimulai, hehe.

Oh ya, PSP itu event Pekan Seni Pelajar yang rutin diadain di sekolah saya tiap tahun di kelas 11. Semacam art performance gitu deh. Angkatan saya, 2017 kebetulan dapet giliran teater. Awalnya rada kecewa sih kenapa nggak film aja (sooooide) tapi setelah dijalanin dan dipikir-pikir lagi, theatre was okay too. Malah bisa dibilang ngebuat saya sama anak kelas lainnya yang nggak begitu deket jadi bonding satu sama lain. Lewat teater, kita eventually dipaksa buat latihan gabungan terus menerus bareng-bareng dibanding film yang take-nya bisa diambil sesuai sama kebutuhan perannya dan shooting-nya bisa jadi misah-misah. Jujur aja, saya baru ngerasa (sok) 'sibuk' di SMA lewat kegiatan PSP (karena pas event f2wl rasanya nggak sesibuk 'itu' --kecuali waktu saya masih gabung divisi acara).  Nama tim produksi kelas saya 'La Sociale'. Simpel, ya? Dari namanya juga semua bisa tau kalo itu kelas IPS. Anyway, di tim produksi kelas, saya kebetulan dapet job jadi sutradara.


...saya juga nggak ngerti kenapa saya bisa ditunjuk (dan pasrah aja) jadi sutradara.

Saya literally buta b a n g e t  soal teater.

Here's the thing. Waktu awal masuk SMP, saya sempet kepengen masuk ekskul teater (setelah dibujuk rayu kakak kelas yang ekskulnya teater juga)... simply karena Citra Kirana jebolan ekskul teater sekolah saya (ya.... terus.... kenapa....). TAPI. Iya ada tapinya. Setelah ngeliat how they works and performs pas demo ekskul (dimana mereka kabaret gitu di tengah lapang diliatin ratusan anak), saya langsung mundur kabur gak jadi ikut first meeting perekrutan anggota teater yang baru hahahaha! Theatre is not my thing. I didn't have the guts to act in front of hundred peoples. Jadi, yap, sampe saya kepilih jadi sutradara PSP kelas pun saya gak tau apa-apa soal teater.

Thanks to Tuti ma bestie (btw kalo dibaca bagus siah berima) dan Kana, mereka berjasa banget ikut nyumbang based-idea cerita PSP kelas saya. Proses pengajuan sinopsis alhamdulillah nggak ada kendala sama sekali dan langsung di-acc sekali cek. Yang jadi kendala adalah.. script yang gonta-ganti dan harus direvisi berulang kali (even sampai H-1 gladi kotor kemarin) karena satu dan lain hal.

Ternyata jadi sutradara asik. Saya jadi salah satu orang di balik layar, bukan di depan (saya ogah banget kalo harus acting). Mulai dari casting pemain, latihan per-scene, ngatur keluar masuknya pemain, diskusi ini-itu sama koordinator tari, properti, musik & video sampe latihan gabungan. Dua bulan ini kita lakuin semuanya lancar banget, guys. Nggak lancarnya cuma di bagian kelas kita nggak pernah nggak ngaret kalo ada latihan yang kadnag-kadang leletnya bikin gondok setengah idup.

Gara-gara PSP ini, saya nggak ada waktu buat ngadain me-time di waktu weekend (re: leha-leha nonton tv dan bolak balik dapur). Sabtu & minggu pasti latihan. Anyway, jujur aja saya sempet hopeless banget sama progress PSP kelas. Kayak udah mau nyerah, kalah duluan aja. Abis jenuh banget ga boong latihan mulu, apalagi kalo ada yang harus diulang-ulang supaya lancar. Tapi begitu udah mulai latihan gabungan sampe akhir... terharu. It's like piece to pieces of a puzzle finally collected and united together. :')

Kita baru aja gladi kotor (re: penilaian oleh panelis) hari Sabtu kemarin, and suprisingly hasilnya lumayan bagus! Saya dan yang lainnya tinggal prepare buat hari H, 14 Mei di Taman Budaya Jawa Barat. So, seems like i need more 2 weeks to rest my ass off! Saya kangen banget bisa males-malesan seharian di ruang tv dan istirahat. Kayaknya rumah saya sekarang cuma jadi persinggahan sementara buat tidur doang huhu.

However, saya rasa PSP bakal jadi salah satu kenangan SMA yang krusial. I tried so hard to make these past 2 months (of my precious leha-leha time) worth it. Dua bulan ini, saya ngerasa kepribadian saya ngalamin progress ke arah yang lebih baik. I took the risk dan belajar buat keluar dari comfort zone, cobain hal baru, belajar buat nyelesain tantangan & ngadepin kejadian (dan assholes) yang nggak menyenangkan.

PSP kurang dari 3 minggu lagi. Doain saya dan teman-teman, yaaa. (plis)(wajib)(maksa)(hehe)(bye).


random

kenapa saya suka blogging

8:03 PM

1. i have lot of thoughts to be expressed though sometimes they couldn't be fathomed into constellation (lah)

2. i didn't write it for anyone's comment
3. gaada yang komen aneh-aneh (re: ngejek) kalo saya ngepost yang melankolis

Taman Lansia

1:25 PM




I rarely go to park though i always imagine the picture of myself walking through the Central Park, Manhattan since it's always been my dream.. or do the hanami under the pinkish sakura trees in Tokyo or Osaka. Duh amin banget gak sih? Hahaha. Tapi ironis juga.

Well, actually, i went to elementary school in front of the park, Taman Kartini. We played everyday in the park as the school's over. They used to have swing and 'enjot-enjotan' there but it's broken since we played it radically. Tau gak, ayunan yang ada dua bangkunya hadap-hadapan (yang seharusnya diayun pelan-pelan)? INI JADI KORA-KORA DUFAN WOY. Hahahaha gila emang. Also i remember that i used to visited a lot with Chika and singing (and curhat) together under our favorite bench. Also, our school was having a camp there (hahaha yes we literally camping in front of our school). Aaaah... i miss those things. But unfortunately it wasn't well-managed back then. The river was stink, as i remembered. But that's a long time ago. For years i don't visit Taman Kartini anymore since i finished elementary. Writing this post makes me want to check it out again & reminisce my memories :')

About 2 or 3 weeks ago i went to Lansia Park with (the whom else) Rasyid. We went mabal together actually hehehe but we ran out of places.. so after spending our morning at McD and Bubur Padjajaran, we finally made our decision to visit the Lansia Park.

Thanks to our city major Ridwan Kamil, the park was surprisingly good & well-managed! Aaah it was such a comfy place to take a rest or play. Seriously, the park was really beautiful. I even saw people set up a hammock between the trees and just laying in there.



Adem.
Banget.



So after strollin the park back and forth we decided to take a rest and ate some durian ice cream. Ah :')




Overall, it's been a wonderful time that i visited the park after all this time. I love green things. But i left there soon cause it was raining and i wanted to pee. I saw a small building with 'WC' written, but i didn't think it's still has it function because all i saw was people washing their clothes there haha... too bad.

foodies

Baker Street

11:44 AM

I'm a huge fan of tea, but sometimes i choose coffee over tea. Oh, and i forgot to tell you that i love coffee shops (well, generally i love any cafe, restaurant, food stalls--basically places that sell food&drinks-- but there's always special about coffee shop). I don't always drink coffee but when i do, that's when i got lots and lots of homework. Hehe! Yesterday i finally had a chance to visit Baker Street with my sister Mba Yaya. She happened to be the one who ask me to go, actually. And of course, i said yes. So after the school over, she picked me up at school to go to the Baker Street.

I brought my freakin' math homeworks and picked us a seat that catched my eyes. This view from my spot, to me, is lovely! 



I ordered my all-time favorite creme brulee latte. Well, that 'Little Women' book is just a prop. I'm not betraying my math homework :')



Mba Yaya ordered a scrambled egg, lychee tart (or pie? that i thought a lil strange because it doesn't work to me. I love Baker Street's ambience and their homey decoration. However, i thought they kinda lack of food varieties and a little bit too pricey while there is nothing special with the taste.

Anyway, cannot resist to not taking a picture in this spot!



Baker Street
Jl. Cimandiri no 18 Bandung


deny & try

11:34 AM

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cofoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so log. We are tired, we are scared, and denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world, head on, guns blazing... Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freaking ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?



We live in denial. We tell lie, simply because the truth hurts. We sometimes deny about our own selves to ourselves. Because it sometimes embarassing. Or we look at it as a thing or two that could break us down to the bottom, therefore we deny it, and we use it as a justification.

I denied a lot. I deny the fact that something's wrong in my life because it all seemed runs perfectly. My life.. literally runs perfectly. I achieved all the good grades and made myself to the top three rank all these years, i got so many lucks at some events and stuff, i was trusted to be the director of my class' theatre project and the other, but still.. something is missing and i deny it. I deny the fact that sometimes all i feel is lonely and i need a friend to talk weirdly to.

I deny the fact that i always feel insecure about myself. About my heights or weights. I deny it that i always say 'yes i am not skinny & i don't give a damn about it' to everyone while in fact i do give a damn. Also about my lack of communicafion skills because i am such a freakin socially awkward. About my bad ability of maintaining small talks because i only do deep talks but sadly that's such a rare thing to do with strangers. It is truly hard to become an introvert.

I denied and lied because i have another think coming that maybe--just maybe, by denying the fact that i'm not that kind of person, i really suggest myself that i'm not that person nor will be.

I tried,
everyday.

I used to try to deny all the facts that possibly break and bring me down.
I used to deny that something is wrong.
I used to.

But all those trying effort seemed even more wrecked me up. It's exhausting to deny and deny. And somehow, after walking through the denial phase for so long,

i
feel
relieved
as i accepting the truth
that i am broken
that i am a mess
that i used to be such a snob.

It breaks me down.
It does,
but it's not as hurt as the denial.

The truth bites. I accepting the truth that sometimes i am too pridey and have a huge ego to start the conversation or to approach my friend first. I always wanted to be the one who being approached. That bad ego of mine is the one thing that complicates my communication. That's why i hardly bond with people.. I never wanted to make the first move, because i justified my introversion personality for a self-defense.

The fact that i've been living through the denial, also, is such an example of my freakin huge ego.
That's the real me.

But at least, i tried. I tried to control my ego and improve my social communication skill. I tried to be a better person, though i will never be perfect at it. Because all of us, humans, can do is try to be a better human-being.